Sunday, December 11, 2011

Not A Bad Sunday

It's like Groundhog Day here over and over again, this overcast damn chill-bone weather. There is nothing inspiring in it for me, I am like a plant who can survive the gray but who does not thrive in it, not at all and yet, do I do anything to move towards some light and cheer?
No. I do not.
I hunker down and take baths in boiling hot water and drink coffee and tea and make chili and watch the chickens and read Swamplandia! and fret over the fact that I should AT LEAST make a list of things I must do before we leave for Mexico.
I am inert.
Well, to everything there is a season, and so forth and the chili was very good, at least.
And truthfully, I am not unhappy.
Not a bit.

I am, in fact, pretty darn content.

I don't have a lot on my mind today that needs discussing or airing. I am thinking about the play and the first read-through we're going to have this afternoon and how it'll be the first time since Wednesday that I've left Lloyd.
I'm thinking about that list I need to make for my trip but even though we are leaving two weeks from today, it just seems completely impossible for me to even imagine leaving not only Lloyd but Florida and indeed! the country! But somehow, in my mind, Cozumel is only an extension of my heart-home so it doesn't seem like a very daunting prospect. At least not yet. I still remember the things I bought to take to Cozumel the first time, some of which I used or wore and some of which I did not. I didn't realize how hot it would be there so the jeans I took I wore exactly once, I think, and that was the last time I ever took a pair of jeans. I did use the water-proof eyeshadow I'd bought in mermaid colors and also some Dewberry perfume from the Body Shoppe which I don't think they even sell now but if they did, I would buy some because I loved it. I had no idea how young and beautiful I was back then. 1987. I was thirty-three years old. I wore that Dewberry perfume and had mermaid eyes, even when I swam, and we danced in a discotheque there called Scaramouch and for a week I was not a mother or an old hippie but a mermaid/madonna/goddess with silver flashing in her ears and on her arms and every picture taken of me I was wearing an expression of bliss.
Ah me.
Ah lah.

I tell you this- I will be taking eyeshadow in mermaid colors again and I will be wearing it. Maybe not when I swim or snorkel, but for going out to supper. Believe it. And silver bracelets. Oh yes I will, even those these arms are not the arms of someone I recognize anymore. I recognize the bracelets. Perhaps I will even buy some more.

I have so many memories of Cozumel. I hope we make some new wonderful ones this trip. Memories that can shoot through even these Groundhog Days of winter's continual gray as my once-blond hair grows gray, as my face and arms grow ever-less recognizable to me. That handsome man who has traveled so well with me over the years and I may not dance at Scaramouch but we can still dance. We can still trace the path of the moon over the water to Tulum by its silver trail. We can still laugh and we can still love and so yes, I am thinking of that today, this gray day, as the leaves continue to fall, as the chickens scratch in the dirt, as I am content with memory, with present, with looking-forward to what may come. The good parts, at least. I think there will be more.


  1. I wondered if I was looking at you or one of your daughters. You truly are beautiful. That picture looks serene. I am the same as you are in grey weather, it locks me down and paralyses me. I have to force myself to move. What is it with blue skies that makes life so much more fun and giddy...
    I am sure you will have more good parts to come in your life... Cozumel is just a starting point.

  2. Winter weather is for dreaming of warm weather and sunnier days. The planning of your trip must be exciting and definitly don't bring the jeans. A shawl for a cool evening...I wore yoga pants on the plane this last trip and was quite comfy for the long flight.

    What a fine romantic time you and Mr. Moon will have. To rest, to frolic (yes you will!), to enjoy and soak it all in to carry you through to the rest of the grey days till the Spring rises again.

  3. Lovely picture, lovely post. I'm so very glad for you that you are going to Cozumel!!!

  4. Of course you will be making wonderful new memories ~ you and Mr. Moon will be sharing your Cozumel heart-home with Jessie and Vergil!

  5. Isn't it so odd how we did not know how truly beautiful we were when we were young hippies. If I had known though, no one would have wanted to know me. Ha. So perhaps it is good that we do not see it until we are older.

    You will still be beautiful, if not more so, in Cozumel and your, is it Bop?, will love you even more than before with your pretty bracelets and your eyes all done up and your self all too ready to make anew what once was.

    Go with god young one!

  6. You will be beautiful and he will be beautiful and it will be beautiful. I am flying into Cancun Tuesday and driving down to Belize and then back again after a week. But I doubt bliss will be there for us as there will be 3 and no resorts. Just cheap hotels and bad beds. But it will be warm. And the people will be friendly. And it will be beautiful anyway.

  7. Photocat- Maybe we should just huddle around whatever heat there is. Maybe.

    Ellen- FROLIC! Ah. you have given me a hope, a dream, a word.

    Lora- Thank you, darling. I know your Christmas will be all about the magic and I will think of that and remember when it was so for me.

    lulumarie- Jessie and I are keeping each other going with what we shall be doing. You are right.

    Michelle- God DAMN, girl! I miss you so much! Come home and tell us about it. Please.

    Rubye Jack- Woman. Thank you. Yes. Please. Amen.

    Jeannie- There are all sorts of bliss. I know you will find some of it. I do.

  8. Nice photo and lots of happiness on your face. I am sure that your heart will lighten when you get there. Each of us needs the geographic cure at times. It is just what we have to do.

  9. Denise- I love sharing the beauty that I find in this life. The beauty, the pain, all of it. It is what makes up the whole, isn't it?

    Syd- I was happy. You bet! And the geographic cure is not always a false thing, is it? No. It is not.


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