Thursday, September 22, 2011

Gray Skies

It's raining. Finally and at last. It rained a little yesterday but not enough to fill the bird bath so this is good.

Oh lord. I feel so weary today. Didn't get to sleep until almost two. Twitchy hips and a new book by Brady Udall. The Lonely Polygamist. This is going to be a treat, this book. If you've never read his The Miracle Life Of Edgar Mint you've missed a good one. And in the library I found this new one and oh boy.

Georgia executed a man who may have been innocent. The bottom line for the death penalty for me is this- if it's wrong to kill, it's wrong to kill.

Period.

The end.

(I think it's wrong to kill.)

One of the reasons I am so weary is that in my dreams I had to clean an entire house and plan and present a play. Don't bother to try and figure that one out-I already have. But in the dream the house was one that hadn't been lived in for awhile and there was junk everywhere, just junk and more junk and old hamburger buns for god's sake and I couldn't find any detergent to wash the sheets or lightbulbs and people were coming to stay and the refrigerator was CAST IRON and there was an entire wardrobe of beautiful clothes that did not fit me because they were not mine and oh, no, we don't need to consult our Meanings Of Dreams for this one.

It's raining. I should be joyful.

I guess I am.

Jessie is coming home. I can hardly believe that. Birthdays are coming up. Time flies so quickly. There are hurricane lilies blooming everywhere. I helped kill a guy in Georgia with my tax dollars.

You know what? I get scared. So do you. Sometimes it all feels so heavy and so hard that it takes the strength of forty men and four hundred elephants just to get out of bed and do it and some people open their Bibles and try to find reason to live there and some people go to work and help one person at a time and find reason to live that way and some people get up because there is no alternative at all and there's a reason, good as any. Besides, eventually you have to pee.

I have no ending. There is no ending. It ends. Eventually. It ends.

13 comments:

  1. I feel like my life may be ending soon, since everything has been such shit. Blah. I have surgery tomorrow. Wish me luck. SJ

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  2. SJ- Oh honey. Your life isn't ending but your damn luck needs to change. I am still reeling at what happened to you. For god's sake! Yes, I hope your surgery comes out perfectly and that you can get on with healing. I love you, girl.

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  3. I am with you Ms Moon. If you want company, Im here. I have to wait for the AC guy, so I can't leave.

    Good luck SJ. Hang in there. I'm sending you the good stuff.
    xo

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  4. Eventually you have to pee.

    I think I'll be saying that in my head all day.

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  5. The only reason I got up today was because I had to pee. And to read blogs. I am going to go back to bed now.

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  6. Damn. This hit the nail on the head.

    I went to bed with such a heavy, guilty heart last night. I slept for shit and dreamt of nothing but bad things. I hope your day get easier.

    In other news, are you enjoying your book? I read it (ok, I only read half of it) for book club last month. I guess I should finish it ...

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  7. Ms. Fleur- Thanks. I am cleaning house and Owen will be here soon.

    Stephanie- Well, it's the truth.
    Plus, I sort of was already thinking about that from The Tearful Dishwasher's last post.

    Birdie- Good plan.

    Kailin- So far, yes, very much.

    Birdie- Well. I think so.

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  8. My sentiments exactly. And I'd add that since we don't take anything with us when we die, we might as well not kvetch about the material stuff and get on with the loving.

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  9. Sometimes I just have to say high five, to you.
    High five.

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  10. I don't think it serves any purpose to execute others. Are we not then the killers as well? I do my best to live with compassion these days.

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  11. I love this:

    You know what? I get scared. So do you. Sometimes it all feels so heavy and so hard that it takes the strength of forty men and four hundred elephants just to get out of bed and do it and some people open their Bibles and try to find reason to live there and some people go to work and help one person at a time and find reason to live that way and some people get up because there is no alternative at all and there's a reason, good as any. Besides, eventually you have to pee.

    I mostly feel as you do about the death penalty. I am saddened about the man they executed in Georgia.
    However, I have to say I feel TOTALLY okay with them executing the guy who drug the black man to death behind the pickup truck and decapitated him. I see nothing of worth or redeemable about such a soul. NOTHING.

    I love you.

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  12. fyi: i'm with ya on the death penalty. worries me sick.

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