Wednesday, September 14, 2011

What? Why? Where? When? How?

The verdict is in and these are not all chigger bites. I have poison ivy too. Ah, summer, you itchy bitch.

Today is not a good day. Not so far. The dreams I had were too frustrating and hurtful to shrug off with the sheets. The light on the flowers does nothing for me this morning. The same light that oh, say yesterday, was fantastic and magical.
This is the way of it.
My house seems nothing but a pit of dust and mildew and yellowing this and tacky that. What sort of housewife sets the bar so low that getting the dishes washed and the laundry done is a good day? What sort of gardener am I? Wife? Mother? Human Being? Grandmother? Shouldn't I have taught Owen his numbers by now? Would he be better off in a daycare where the activities are educational rather than just...wandering?
Why do days like this occur where everything I do or have done or imagine I will never do pierce me so sharply?
Might as well ask why the dogs go into a barking frenzy for no apparent reason, why Zeke stands at the back steps and barks, barks, barks, like an automaton. Where are his batteries? Can I take them out?

I got a Spam from some poor guy who claims to have been raised muslim but who has been shown the light and the evil muslims burned down his house and killed his wife and three children and now they need Giant Print Bibles and also, money because they are gathering to worship under the Tree and beloveth, could I help?

No. I cannot help. Those Nigerian spammers sure are polite, I'll say that for them. I read something the other day, where in hell was it? that asked the question of if God is a caring god and suffering offends him and he CAN do something about it but does not, what sort of a God is he? Oh, I think the question came from that book, Blind Sight.

Well, just a question. I got a million of 'em including what am I doing sitting here writing this slop?

I don't know. I don't know shit today.

But I've started the laundry. Here's another question: How can two people create so much laundry?

I need to wash the dishes. My bar may be set low but dammit, I can hurdle it.

That's all I got this morning. I hope you're doing better than that. I am going to town today. Maybe when I get dressed and am on my way to the Costco I'll perk up. I haven't left Lloyd since last Friday night.

Here's another question- what do I make for supper? Can we have tuna out of the can with a side of canned green beans?

No. I have my standards. They may be low but I have them.

Scratch, scratch, scratch. Bark, bark, bark.

Meeting under the Tree sounds good to me. Beloveths.


  1. Fry some deer steak, and I will be there in six hours to eat with you all :)

    You are loved, MM.

    I leave tonight. I'll miss reading, but I will be back in 3 weeks. I will miss you!

  2. Please, no day care for Owen! He is getting such an education from you and your land. He knows that eggs come from chickens and I'll bet he knows how many eggs he collects. He knows beans come from the earth, not Publix. He knows about spiders spinning webs. He's discovering new things every day with you and Mr. Moon. Most importantly, he knows unconditional love. Owen is learning values and building memories that will last him a lifetime. How many kids get all that in daycare?

    Well, I know you know all this anyway. Just sayin' ...

  3. Dear Beloveth, sorry about the poison ivy, and the sad mood. I think dreams do that to us and why we dream those dreams is anyone's guess.

    My parents always used to say, just get up and get moving and things will get better. So far, they always have.

  4. I think it's so strange how our moods go. Everyone has them. Some days we own the world, some days we don't. I agree with Towanda's parents-getting moving helps and so does the outdoors.

    Once when speaking in front of a lot of people in a room and I had a terrible brain-freeze, was so embarrassed and couldn't hide it, a woman said to me afterwards, "You're better than you think." That stuck with me because I don't always realize always how others perceive me. Only how I am feeling that day, which isn't a reliable indicator of reality.

  5. Just wanted to tell you I love you! And I think you are doing the perfect thing by Owen to help raise him the way you do. He will get plenty of number counting the rest of his life. You can't beat riding a horse on the front porch, in your black cowboy hat, watching the banana spider in her web, for anything. Nope, you're doing it just right by Owen.

    Can't wait to be back home soon.

  6. Maybe you need some tidbitting.
    Well, posion ivy and bad dreams suck, that's for sure.
    Jump over that bar, Mrs. Moon.
    Your blog has set the bar way high. Beat out the L.A. Times this morning for first thing read.

  7. Getting the dishes and laundry done is a STELLAR fucking day for me. So there.

    And I'm all for canned tuna and green beans. (But the beans can't be out of a can. STANDARDS.)

  8. Maybe you've thought of this aready. My dr. changed me from one innocuous drug to another equally innocuous and I started dreaming "they" were about to let the 10,000 people at the door into to store and hadn't even waited for me to dress! That was a funny one. The bad ones were awful. I googled specifically for bad things about the drug and found twenty pages of people having nightmares. We switched again, all is well. Or, at least normal. Just a thought. I've considered mentioning it before.

  9. I'm with Denise and the morning Los Angeles Times newspaper. Your blog beats all of that. Hands down.

    Your life does, too.

    Hope the rest of the day goes well. Maybe martinis tonight to look forward to?

  10. Let me tell you about laundry here: no washing machines, no dryers. It's a big plastic tub and sometimes a washboard.

    If you're wealthy like I am in comparison, you have a stranger laundering your drawers. Sometimes they dribble bleach on your favorite black pants, and always they iron haphazardly (imaginary pleats across my breasts and ass are always my favorite).

    Feel better about your laundry situation now? ;) Man, I tell ya - I'm moving back to the USofA just for the damn washing machines!

  11. God is a Nigerian spammer, a little money and a big bible is always the answer.
    The dogs know this, and keep trying to warn us with, "bark bark bark" but we figure they're the crazy ones.

    Owen is learning, and you know this; playing IS education. A kid kennel with flashcards ain't helpin' no one.

  12. What Steph and mungam said...

  13. I am right there with you, low bar, dirty house, never ending laundry, unmagical light, wilty flowers, and even a patch of poison ivy in the crease behind my knee. I am a pathetic weepy mess and can't stand to be in a room with myself lately. Thank goodness I can visit yours for the company and a smile, in between laundry loads and dishes.
    Thank goodness you are out there, so we can not know shit together.
    and the wv is recope. I need to learn to do that.

  14. I feel your pain. The spammers send me love letters wanting to get to know me. Yeah, right. They want a one way ticket over here. I want to write back and say wait a while--maybe Nigeria will be the next outsourcing haven. Well, probably not.
    Anyway, I was too tired for sailing today. That tells me something is going on with my head as well. Actually, my body does get tired some days. I need a nap.

  15. Kids in day care get sick constantly, plus he's getting a lot more love & attention from you than he'd ever get in there.
    BTW - I reserved the book you suggested, I hope it comes in to the library by Friday.
    Take a nice Aveeno oatmeal bath. Hope you feel better.

  16. SJ- I am wishing you SO much magic on this trip. Be open to all that awaits you. Tee-hee.

    lulumarie- I do know. It's just that some days....
    You know.

    Towanda- Well, the do get different and I guess that is "better." Mostly.

    Nicol- I know. But so sweet to be reminded.

    honeyluna- I am going to smush you with my love. Be prepared!

    Denise- I believe you have given me the vapors.

    Stephanie- Yes, but you have two kids and work all day. Therein lies the difference.

    Joanne- I have no doubt that my dreams are fueled by my antidepressant. I suppose I should think about trying to change it up. Scary, that.

    Elizabeth- Darling, you are my kind of girl.

    Nola- I LOVE my washing machine. Oh yes I do.

    Mungam- I know. Owen's flashcards are blue and green and brown eggs, mules and bamboo and watermelon for the chickens. He learns manners from the rooster and he listens to books. I know he's okay here. I do. Thank you.

    A- Thank-you, sweetie.

    Mel- Join me in the I Don't Know Shit philosophy. Oh yes, that brings me comfort.
    Recope. As if I've ever coped to begin with!

    Syd- I get the love letters too. They have such sweet names, they address me so seriously. Ah, bless. I hope you rested.

    Lucy- I know. He's never really been sick in his life. Knock wood. I hope you like that book. An oatmeal bath sounds good.

  17. I want to know how two people can make so many dirty dishes since that is my chore. His chore is laundry and since I only change my underpants every day he only does it once a week. But I got him back for my bad bargain. I quit cooking. Now he does all the dinner cooking too.

    So Owen has plenty of time to learn his numbers and ABCs. You are teaching him valuable intangibles like chicken lore. You can't get that in school.

  18. Oh dear Ms. Moon, I'm so sorry. I had an allergic reaction to an antibiotic over the summer and I know how horribly bad itching is.

  19. if you need a friend, i'm sailing right behind.


  20. Owen is learning--he is learning about life and chickens and nature--all the important things. Fuck preschool. There is plenty of time for that sort of education.

    What sort of housewife sets the bar so low that getting the dishes washed and the laundry done is a good day, you ask? Me. That's the sort. If I get the dishes done, a load of laundry and the cat boxes cleaned each day, I have done a damn 'nough. Fuck the rest. It will get done some other day or not.

    I love you. You are doing just fine. In fact, pretty damn good. Got me?

  21. Ellen- I could never give up cooking as that would be giving up control of what I eat which is perhaps the most important part of my day! Haha!

    Angie- It is not THAT bad. Just...irritating.

    Daddy B- You, my love, are the very wind in my sails. (tee-hee)

    Ms. Bastard-Beloved- Thank-you, my dear, dear sister-friend.

  22. "Shouldn't I have taught Owen his numbers by now? Would he be better off in a daycare where the activities are educational rather than just...wandering?"

    Sorry I'm late to this, so much going on over here, but i have to chime in on this question. OMG, the richness of what owen gets with you is incomparable. he will get all the rest when he starts school, and he will know things that only you can teach him, and that is am amazing foundation for him to build on. owen is so secure in being loved. you can see it in every picture. he's happy. that's going to take him way past numbers. those numbers will have a nest of confidence and curiosity and joy to grow in, that's what you're teaching owen. a lifelong feeling of being valued and valuable, of having so much to offer the world. cant beat that with numbers.

    and your bar is higher than mine, so it looks pretty darn high to me.

    the chemistry is just treacherous like this on some days. but its just chemistry, not truth. i love you, mary moon.

  23. Angella- On my sane days, I know this but it sure does help to hear it. Thank-you. Thank-you and love you.

  24. Sometimes doing the dishes is the only mountain to climb for the day. And you are doing it! And if you don't have the energy, who will say something? I hope you will feel better soon... And believe me that your grandson learns a lot more from his mawmaw then from any school...


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