Monday, September 5, 2011

Who The Fuck Knows?

This. This. THIS is a day when if I were a religious fruitcake to whom GOD spoke and told to run for president, I would blame on something like the fact that gay marriage is not allowed in Florida (hey- even if I was a religious fruitcake, I wouldn't be a fundamentalist, okay?) but I'm not so I'm just going to say that I think today is a day where Mother Nature is saying, "I'm still in charge, bitches and don't you forget it."


I suppose we're still getting bands of Lee's (Bands of Lee's would make a good band name, don't you think?) and the wind picks up and the rain falls again and it gets all dark and cloudy and then it all calms down and the sun comes out and it's like, Tra-la-la-la, and then the next thing you know branches are snapping and falling out of trees and it's raining again and all of the air has been sucked from the universe and we're living in that mushroom again.

And the electricity just went out. Of course.

Honestly. I give up. I'd just go to bed but I took a two-hour nap with Owen. I finally got up and then he got up and came and found me and said, "More sleep," and so I went and laid back down with him and he fell BACK asleep while I traced the outline of his tiny shell ear. And oh, Lily, if you are reading this, yes, he did indeed write on his nipples with a pen and you should consider yourself lucky- I stopped him just as he was about to tattoo his own scrotum. I'd keep an eye on that boy if I were you.

I hope he doesn't read this when he is fifteen.

There's a female cardinal on the feeder right now and she's not eating. She's just looking around like, "What the fuck?" and I know exactly how she feels.

I'm thinking of letting the chickens into the house to eat the flies. I'm at the point where cleaning up chicken poop would be far preferable than smacking or vac'ing any more flies. Owen learned to smack flies today. "Got it!" he'd say, smacking and smacking and smacking one dead fly on the floor. He's also learned to say "maybe."
He told me he wanted to see some cows. He is sort of obsessed with cows these days. Then he said he'd like to see a moose.
"There are no mooses in Florida, honey," I said.
He raised his shoulders up to his ears, looked at me and said, "Maybe."

One never knows. There could be mooses in Florida somewhere. For all I know. I'm pretty sure there aren't any in Lloyd, though.

We got another giant egg today but it was blue. The new hens' egg-size regulators still aren't quite working properly I think. Takes a while to calibrate those things. Owen threw a hissy when it was time to go home. I had to give him an egg to take with him. He doesn't even like to eat eggs, but he sure likes eggs. Lily put it in the diaper bag. Lily, if you are reading this, remember you have an egg in your diaper bag.

Well, that's all I have to say. I tried to take some pictures of the spider out front, wrestling a wasp unto death and dinner but none of them came out right. Take my word for it- it was fierce. Another reminder that Mother Nature doesn't fuck around. I should bring in all the spiders I can find to trap the flies. No, I can't think of any problems which might arise from THAT, can you? Or maybe Mr. Moon and I should just abandon the place for a few days. Go spend some quality time at the Jamison Inn up on Bainbridge, GA. We used to do that, now and then. We could just hole up on the King Sized Bed and watch crappy TV and not deal with flies. Take our meals at the Waffle House.

Sound like a good idea?


Or maybe not.

Who knows?

Not me.

As always...Ms. Moon


  1. With those kind of flies, I'd have been at the Jamison Inn yesterday. :) Go for it!

  2. Oh, shit! That has Amityville Horror written all over it. If Mr. Moon starts hollering at a brick wall in the basement ya'll best move.

  3. We didn't have the flies in the house but did have them on the boat a few weekends ago. They were a pain and bit us. I don't have a fly swatter on the boat but will get one for next year's fly season!

  4. Well, whether or not you know, you are one of the wisest people alive.

  5. Flies creep me out. They really do. Once something died somewhere in this old house of ours and out came some flies. I have gotten the skeevs from them ever since.

    Favorite part: Cardinal on the feeder. You are so, so funny.

    Hugs to you sister moon!

  6. Secretly arranging to air-lift a moose (responsibly) to Lloyd, Florida.

  7. The flies are bad here too but not quite that bad; the bees too. Today one of the dogs stepped on a bee. Oh the joy of getting baby aspirin and benedryl into her as her foot swelled. It's always something these days.

    If you end up at the Jamison Inn, we would love to meet your for breakfast at the Waffle House. If they have flies I just don't want to know about it.

  8. Had to laugh so hard with Owen his scribble adventures... Too funny. How do they come up with ideas like that anyway?

    The waffle house sounds perfect for me, or make that iHop, so I can go tuttifrutti something...

  9. I laughed hard at the pen and tattooing part...had a friend's kid do the same one time, but he didn't have a pen, use poop.. *shudder*

  10. Towanda- But we'd have to abandon the dogs. They do not, unfortunately, eat flies.

    silverfinofhope- We have no basement. This is reassuring.

    Syd- Nothing like a fly swatter. I already wore one out this year.

    Angie- You are so sweet. I have obviously fooled you!

    gradydoctor- You understand! Hugs to you, too.

    Omgrrrl- Oh. That would be so AWESOME! A moose in Lloyd!

    Mel's Way- ALL Waffle Houses have flies. Part of the deal.

    Photocat- Little boys know the important bits on themselves. Little girls too, for that matter!

    Mr. Mischief- GAWD! At least Owen had the sense to use a pen.

  11. What is UP with those flies, Ms. Moon?

    We have mosquitoes thanks to Irene. Did I tell you that yesterday?

    I love that Owen decorated his essential parts.


  12. The Jameson Inn sounds mighty fine to me.

  13. I HATE flies. We get these little fruit flies in the kitchen in summer, and I know they wouldn't be there if I always cleaned up after myself and the others, but I just can't be arsed and then I curse myself and the flies.

  14. Love this, from Mother Nature: I'm still in charge, bitches and don't you forget it.

    And Owen's maybes.

  15. I hate flies, too. Occasionally they come and infest us in southern California but it's rare. Now that I've said that, I noticed one buzzing at the door. I hate it when they're sluggish and lie around.

  16. "remember you have an egg in your diaper bag."

    Best reminder ever. You are a good mama.

    And that is a super juicy fly.
    huh.huh. How many times have you said that?


Tell me, sweeties. Tell me what you think.