Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Rich As Midas, Rich As A Rockefeller

Look at that handsome boy. I love the way the feathers on his breast make an almost netting effect. He is moulting, as all of the chickens are, and I find his tail feathers everywhere and they are things of beauty, black and green, iridescent and shimmering in the light, curved and shaped so nicely.

Town was fine. The stupid doody-head Costco wasn't sampling one damn thing. Not even one damn thing I didn't want. (Bottled smoothie- ick.) I had to run down the aisles and do 360's and crazy zig-zags to keep Owen happy in the cart. "More," he'd say, "More running," and I thought, Jesus, here I am, a grandmother in a long skirt, running down the aisles of the Costco.
Ah well.
When we went out to lunch, whenever someone would come by to ask if everything was all right, Owen would look up and say, "No," which cracked me up. One time the waitress asked if we needed anything and he said, "Chicken." I think his quesadilla needed a refill.

I also went to Publix. I am rich now. I have toilet paper galore and new shaving cream and a new bar of soap and a new toothbrush and frozen baby peas and cucumbers and red and orange peppers and organic sweet potatoes and apples and peaches and a chicken to roast and Viva Pick-A-Size paper towels. I have a lot of other stuff, too. In short- I am rich. I am also rich in that my sheets will be clean tonight. And that I have four fresh eggs, two of them in my pocket as we speak.

I saved two tiny lizards who were drowning in a bottle where I had rooted a plant. They were swimming and did not look as if they would have lasted for long. A teapot's tempest is as big as one in the Pacific if you are only an inch and a half long. This may be something we need to remember when we think that someone is throwing a fit for no reason. They may be only an inch and a half long and are treading water in a sea made in a green bottle with a thin neck and walls too curved to climb. It can happen. I know.

Well. I have those sweet potatoes in the oven. Mr. Moon is just pulling in the drive. It is a Wednesday evening and the hurricane lilies are opening up.

It is as dry as a bone here, dry like an old woman's parched and wrinkled skin. Dry like an old woman's crackly voice as she tells her grandson the nap story and he falls asleep as her hand traces his back so softly. Dry as the sheets I am about to put on the bed.

I am washing the chicken waterer. It is so dry and the chickens can go without food but not without water. I intend that my chickens shall go without neither. Something has died by the pump house. It smells bad and when I walk by it, my nose crinkles up. Death has a smell like nothing else. So does water, and lizards who are thirsty may find themselves drowning when they only wanted a drop or two.

I am rich. I have toilet paper. I am insanely rich. I have rolls to spare. And a bar of lemon verbena soap. And a rooster of white and black and red.

I am so rich. And I know it.


  1. Could you lend me one of those iridescent tail feathers?

  2. Lo- Send me your address again. I would love to send you some.

    Stephanie- Yes. He is. I think he and I were lovers in a former lifetime.

  3. Lemon verbena soap is one of my favorites.

  4. "Death has a smell like nothing else."
    And that is why my dear that country living is so unbelievably good because when I used to get off the BART (train) in downtown San Francisco and walk to my job I passed more than one body each day. I never knew if they were dead or simply still passed out at 7am. Either way, they were dead to the world and smelled as such.
    And so country living is especially good with the chickens and roosters and special little boys. And clean sheets and sweet potatoes and even Costco with no samples.

  5. I think that many people would agree with you. I don't often use the term rich because anymore it can mean living in McMansions or having six cars, or any number of things. But I do believe that my life is rich and full. And I think that yours is as well.

  6. Owen saying, "chicken," made me laugh out loud. Don't know why exactly, but it did.
    Your kind of rich is the best kind of rich there is.

  7. Rich? psssht.

    You have a loving husband. 4 AWESOME kids, Owen and.......a sexy Rooster.

    You are rich beyond dreams.

  8. oh. miss moon. i can say these things.
    1) i have a grandmother and yes they are dry and yes they are wrinkly, and yes they smell like grandmothers. you are none of these. okay, so you are a grandma, but never do i think that when i think of you.
    2)In costco i ALWAYS find myself running around, trying to keep the boy happy. because while i may have made a list and think that there are so many things i need from there, the truth is that i have no idea what im doing in that store. i have no idea why i have a membership unless it's to get deals on tires (which i have yet to take advantage of) and i'm mostly just thinking "but could i USE 17 travel coffee mugs??" the answer-yes i can. so i buy them.
    3)peppers? i love peppers these days. i cant get enough peppers in my salads. red, green, yellow, orange. WTF?
    5)ok, so you might be a grandma. i think Viva paper towels are the marker. Talk to mawmaw about that shit.
    6)i currently have 12 rolls of toilet paper. under each bathroom sink. don't try and brag to me.


  9. Oh, you have made me homesick for toilet paper! Here there are two varieties: 1. sandpaper, 2. falls apart and has a dye that my backside is allergic to apparently. Once I found some imported, something like Angel Soft, and yes I paid $30 for that but haven't found it again.

    Yes, yes, when your lovely post makes me perseverate on toilet paper, it's time for me to come home.

  10. Those hurricane lilies are mouthwatering.

    Your word verification today is 'ponchth' as in 'Here ponchth the next verse of the prophet Habbakuk, who sayeth thou might smyteth and ponchth all thou liketh'

  11. Ah, toilet paper. My cheap self has finally succombed to buying a 'brand name' mostly because of the *ahem* issues associated with being largely pregnant. I felt so decadent and yet so guilty putting a pack of Charmin in my cart.
    We are rich, aren't we? Even on a bad day, we're not wiping our asses with newspaper or leaves, and we can choose our soap fragrance from hundreds of varieties, and not have to make it ourselves out of lard or whatever they use to make soap at home.

  12. You are smart to recognize that you are rich. Having extra supplies makes me feel rich, too!

    Elvis is one fine-looking rooster. He really is.

    I love you BOATLOADS!

  13. I love your lizard story and analogy. Perfect. Lemon vebena soap and all the toilet paper you need. Mmm.

  14. Angie M- Kathleen and I need to make soap. Everything else pales in comparison to that which we make. Or, she makes, to be precise.

    Towanda- AMEN!

    Syd- I believe we use the correct definition.

    Denise- It made me laugh too. He was so serious. She asked- he wanted chicken. So there.

    Omgrrrl- I do know it, too.

    Daddy B-
    1) That makes me happy.
    2) Sigh. I know. I have so many batteries.
    3) Your taste is maturing.
    4)There was no four?
    5) Viva Paper Towels are the BEST! Maw-Maw is right!
    6)Okay. You beat me in the toilet paper richness.
    7) I love you to pieces, plus, you are the funniest human being I know.

    Nola- Yes. I think it's time.

    Mary LA- You sure it didn't mean Ponchth Pilate?

    Rachel- DON'T BUY CHARMIN! Those evil Kock brothers make it. Buy Cottonelle or something. The one they make with aloe is quite soothing to the tender parts.

    Ms. Bastard-Beloved- I love you SHIPLOADS!

    Jo- Hard to beat, huh?

  15. Haha, I can count when I'm tipsy.

    Love, daddyb

  16. Daddy B- If you wrote a blog, it would be the most, best, funniest, amazing blog of all.
    I wish you would. The world needs the Wisdom and Wit of Billy.

  17. I'll think on it...
    Love, daddyb

  18. Daddy B- I will promote you to the ends of the earth. I will make you bacon candy! With peppers on the side.

  19. Happy with your feeling rich... Enjoy that feeling!


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