Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Being Shy

I got my bones out of bed this morning to say hello/good-bye to Lizzie who was fresh out of the shower and smelling like a rose and already busying herself with making her sandwiches for the day and eating her blueberries and picking out her jewelry.
She was wearing petticoats.
She is so lovely, that woman.
I was and still am, bleary-eyed and suspicious of a brand new day as I always am when I get up and I laid on the couch and watched her activity and bustle and when she got a phone call informing us that the girlfriend of the man who owns this art-decorated condo is coming here to make her lunch today, it disturbed me so much I had to start drinking coffee immediately.
What? What?
I must get rid of the beer bottles!
I feel as if Mother and Father are coming home. Hide the roaches!

I guess I'll call Jessie here in a few moments and we'll make our arrangements for the day, whatever they may be. I do not intend to be here at noonish, I will tell you that! Social Insecurity is my name and shyness is my game although when I'm around complete strangers I am friendly and outgoing if I'm in the mood.

Anyway, Lis has gone off into the world in a cloud of rose perfume with a swish of petticoats, off with her violin, her banjo, her guitar, her sandwiches, her tidy brown bag over her shoulder, her lipstick neatly in place. She says that she too is suffering shyness and has not yet gotten up the nerve to talk to the people she most wants to talk with. I find this hysterical- who wouldn't want to chat with Lis? Who wouldn't want to play with her, pick with her, listen to her songs?
It's a funny world and we humans are so insecure about our places in it, aren't we?

Let's not fool ourselves. We are all in kindergarten, our mothers have left us there and we are looking around, knowing for certain that the cool kids will not want to be our friends and praying that the boy with warts all over his fingers will not come close enough to touch us, but if we are lucky, we may spy another child whom we instinctively know is as shy as we are, look- her dress was ironed just this morning, you can tell, and perhaps we will become friends, maybe, maybe, oh my- she is looking over this way, she is smiling. Is she smiling at me? Really? Maybe she will sit next to me at lunch.

And it never ends.

Good morning and I will sit next to you at lunch if you'd like. Your hair is so pretty. I wish my mother knew how to do my hair like that.

Good morning.


  1. Good morning and Happy Birthday! I am going to keep the term Social Insecurity because it is perfect! I am enjoying your trip to Asheville, it's almost as fun as going somewhere myself, letting you do the travel and observing for me,isn't that strange? Many thanks for the armchair adventure and safe travels home.

  2. Imagine having to ask girls out on dates? That was difficult. Such is life. We push forward to do what drives us. Hormones in some cases.

  3. I will sit next to you at lunch and i will be so damn grateful you noticed me. ah mary, i think you describe the way so many of us feel, even now. i think it is one of the reasons we all come here every day. you show us ourselves without even trying. but dang, mary, who on earth wouldn't want to be your friend? the lunch table is pretty damn crowded, hon. and people are laughing and crying with the relief at being able to be just who they are with you.

  4. Well, I wouldn't be there at the art deco either at noon, because you have choices! And you're gonna make plans with Jessie. I am enjoying your Asheville happenings. I knew your b-day was the end of July and I'm so glad that Mel mentioned it and I wish you a wonderful day.

  5. Oh, happiest of birthdays, Ms. Moon. And I would skedaddle too; you're so not alone in such shyness, if I'd even call it that. It's exhausting work, making small talk with strangers, particularly if you happen to be staying in a space which is intimately known to a particular stranger. Well, you're in Asheville, which is pretty much one of my favorite-ist places on earth, so I'm sure there's fabulous things to do other than sit in the luxo-deluxe hideaway.

  6. As a shy being myself who at times has been mistaken for a "bitch" or "ill," I have plenty of goldfish crackers if you'd like to trade lunch items. It's always the quiet ones people have to watch out for - that's what I've been told anyway.
    Introvert and proud.

  7. Happy Birthday, beautiful woman- of-the-moon, and may you have another glorious day!

  8. Is it your birthday? You do whatever you want today and get yourself some Kava too, if you feel like it. :) Happy day to you!

  9. This sentiment has been on my mind all week. How tough it feels to make friends as grown ups, how I wish there were a great big lunch table that we could all convene at. As it is, we're all so deeply planted in our own orbits that we rarely make the effort. I'm frightfully shy.

  10. Ah, I understand. I used to be shy I would walk down the alleys to avoid having to encounter anyone who might stare at me. I thankfully outgrew it at around age 70 so don't despair all of you shy folks.

    But just take a look at what you have in the can join your favorite people at their table whenever you want and if you make a comment to them while sharing their day they will kiss you feet and hug you. Are you lucky or what?

  11. Yes, a lot of us understand the discomforts of shyness, yet it seems your travel saunter is becoming more agile and exercised on this trip, day by day. I liked that description of walking through the dusk after the movies... And happy birthday!

  12. I am like a Chatty Kathy doll once I get to know someone as my friends will tell you. I can also talk to anyone about anything. That said, I have a very difficult time with intimate relationships. My closest friends I have know for over 35 years but I have not made any really close friends as an adult. I find trust to be an issue. Being a true Pisces I open my heart wide and I allow it to get stomped.
    Lately I have put on a lot of weight and my face is covered in acne (at 40) and I feel very shy and embarrassed. I don't like going out in public.
    I guess most of us are shy in one way or another.

  13. I will pass you a note at lunch. It will say "I like you, do you like me?" Then there will be a Yes and a No box for you to put a large crayola X in.

  14. Mel- My pleasure!

    Syd- Just imagine having to WAIT for a boy to ask you out on a date. Damn! It's all hard. Thank god for hormones.
    Sort of.

    Angella- I'll trade you half a ham sandwich for a cookie. Okay? Love you, baby.

    Birdie- Do you think you are trying to protect yourself? Oh, honey. It's so hard. It's hard being a teenager and it's hard being a young woman and it's hard as hell getting older...
    Let me hold your hand, tell you it's okay. Chat away.

    Michele R- I was downtown at noon and having a lovely time with my babies. Dang. I'm so lucky.

    Sara- Amen, girl. But it sure is nice to have this place to come and rest in. Surely is.

    Rachel- Are we introverts who sometimes are able to turn ourselves inside out? Hell. I don't know. Pass those goldfish crackers.

    Lulumarie- It's STILL glorious. Lis and Vergil are teaching each other songs as we speak. Wish you were here. I truly do.

    Nicol- It will be my birthday in twenty eight minutes and I am doing EXACTLY what I want to do. Thanks, baby.

    silverfinofhope- It IS hard to make friends as we get older. SO much history and do we bother to share it? Ah. When we fall in love we must. Whether as friends or lovers. But as we get older, we get choosier and pickier. It's so true.

    Lo- You give me such hope and you inspire me so. And yes, yes, YES and thank-you and I love you.

    A- It's all really good for me and it's not been that hard. It's just been a fine thing. Thanks, darling.

    Birdie- I am pretty sure that there is no stage in life which comes easy. I'm so sorry that this one is so hard for you. I hope it gets easier for you because I think the forties can be very powerful for women.

    Omgrrrl- You will always charm me. A big X in the YES box. Forever yours...M

  15. Shyness...what a terrible affliction. Well we manage to pull ourselves up and go out and face the world. Have a wonderful and very happy birthday.


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