Last year on my birthday I spent part of the day filming with Freddy and we were working on that film, Faceless, and it was just the sweetest day.
When I was done, Mr. Moon and I got in the car and drove north on the road trip with no destination and we had so much fun.
And here I am today in Asheville, a year later, because my daughter Jessie, a year ago, fell in love with a boy named Vergil and boy-oh-boy, life just keeps on taking you to another part of the ocean, this current, then that one takes over the small boat we are holding onto the sides of as we go.
I looked in the mirror this morning and was horrified by what I saw. I believe I may have aged a year last night. And when I was getting dressed, I looked down to see my legs in the very bright morning light pouring in from the east through white curtains and that, too, horrified me. The age spots are taking over, huge and ugly and my legs are skinny but with skin hanging in ways that skin hangs when you are fifty-seven, I suppose, even though they are still strong legs.
I was rather glad to be alone. I need to fortify myself with coffee before I can unleash upon the world the oldness which is me today.
I know. I know. I am only one day older than I was yesterday but damn, y'all. Things will catch up with you.
Thirty-nine years ago I was turning eighteen in Paris, France, and I thought I'd be back there soon and no, I haven't been back yet. I went to college for awhile, checked out, clocked out of that, moved to Tallahassee, had a failed romance, had another romance, babies and marriage resulted, land was bought, the marriage ended, me and the babies moved to town, I went back to college, seriously this time, had another romance, got married, graduated, more babies.
Here I am, here I am, a grandmother and what can I say?
Fifty-seven years old today and feeling every second of it from the first breath I drew in an Army hospital in El Paso, Texas to today and somewhere inside of me is every age I've ever been from chasing fireflies down the dirt roads of Roseland, Florida to the girl falling in love for the first time getting her first kisses, learning to give them back, to the young pregnant woman to the mother, to the crone, here I am, the crone.
I guess it's okay to be the crone, what choice do I have but to be all croney and shit, skinny age-spotted legs, all those hours I laid in the sun, glowing golden, not knowing how gorgeous my golden limbs were, now my hands are ropey and yet, still strong and I will be changing the diapers of a new grand baby before this date next year with them. I will cradle that child to my old crone breast.
Well, it's my birthday and everyone keeps saying, "What's the plan? What are you doing for your birthday?" and talking about this and that and hell, I just want to do whatever it is I want but you spend your life taking care of babies and becoming a crone, it's hard to figure out what in hell it is you do want when you get the chance.
I wish I could get a kiss from my man but I'll have to wait for that until tomorrow.
Tonight we'll all go out and eat some yummy local Ashevillian food and that will be perfect and maybe today I'll go to that chocolate shop up the road and beyond that, I have no fucking idea.
I'd take a picture of myself but I can't handle that and you shouldn't have to either.
Here I am, fifty-seven years old, ugly as shit, happy to be here. Guess I'll take a shower. I have no idea, even after all these years what life is really about but I'm pretty sure that light and love and water are very, very important. So I plan to involve as much of all three of those today as possible and I'm thinking that's as good a birthday plan as there can be.
Older but no wiser...Love, Ms. Moon
Happy Birthday, you old angel faced crone.ReplyDelete
Welcome to the club!
Happy Birthday, Ms Moon! I'm so glad you are spending the day in such a lovely place. Asheville will always have a little piece of my heart. Enjoy!ReplyDelete
Happy Birthday! Aging is bittersweet. You are no longer expected to look good but the down side is that if you do, it's accompanied by "for your age". Better than dead anyway.ReplyDelete
Happy Birthday Mary :)ReplyDelete
Happy Birthday, Beautiful Lady.ReplyDelete
Another birthday we get to spend "together." :) Lots of love!!!ReplyDelete
As I have gotten older I have enjoyed not being at home on my exact birthday but instead being in a special, pretty place with special people. Live it up and enjoy your day. And, you get to enjoy more celebrating of you and more of your loved through the weekend!ReplyDelete
P.S. Enjoy yourself on a patio, because patio is my word verification here today.
Happy Birthday Ms. Moon :)ReplyDelete
Happy Birthday Ms Moon... and don't even begin to tell me that 57 is old, it just aint!ReplyDelete
have a good one,
I feel this same way - Thank you for putting it into your words!ReplyDelete
"Somewhere inside of me is every age I've ever been from chasing fireflies down the dirt roads of Roseland, Florida to the girl falling in love for the first time..."
Beautiful birthday sunbeams and hugs for you this day.
From one crone to another I wish you a Happy Birthday! Been too busy a bee to comment lately but have to say for a crone you're pretty cute, love love love the picture of you all in white next to the rooster!ReplyDelete
It's such a horror this getting old shit, so nice to have someone who gets it.
Happy Birthday, but I think you're way too young to be a crone. If you live another forty or so years, you won't be a crone until the last ten.ReplyDelete
I wish you could get out into Pisgah. It is so, so beautiful and it always fills my heart up so. Happy day. As usual, your writing makes me nod my head--"that makes sense"--ReplyDelete
Happy birthday, beautiful, croney Mary. I hope you end up enjoying it mightily. It's hard to get older, I know it well, but I suppose just rejoice in all the shit you DON'T have to worry about anymore :)ReplyDelete
Lots of love, have a great day xx
Happy Birthday to you!!ReplyDelete
Happy Happy July 28!!!! One of my favorite days for the last 5 years. big hugs and kisses which I will cash in on Saturday, or Sunday, whichever day I finally get to see that beautiful, gorgeous, lived in, loved so, crone of a 57 year old face. Christopher sends a hug and a kiss also.ReplyDelete
Mary, Happy Birthday to you! Now get yourself up and hug yourself tight. You are a lovely lady and well we can't be blooming like a 20 year old forever. Of course you and I know that with the wisdom we have in our 50's that if we did have that body we would take such good care of it. Not like most 20 year old's do.ReplyDelete
I have been gone on a trip and gone out of my head. Trying to catch up and finding it all so daunting. Sooooo I have missed something...a new grandbaby?!!! Which post...how far back have I missed this?!!!
Have a wonderful remainder of your trip and somehow I will try but can not promise to catch up on all the blogs I use to read so faithfully...
I hope you have a wonderfully happy birthday!ReplyDelete
here I am ....hot on your heels.....wish I could get a kiss from any man!! Have a very happy birthday...xReplyDelete
Ahhh Mary...I dreamed about you last night. You were helping me clean my porch and you were wearing the lovely white outfit in your pictures below. You were such a vision sweeping and dancing across my porch with the broom in your hands, all Springsteen-like. We kept finding crumpled up Winston cigarette packages with a few cigs left in each package. We thought this was so strange.Then you said,"maybe those aren't cigs. Maybe they are joints." So we loosened a package and they were joints! We sat in the rockers on my porch and got high as a Georgia pine. It was a very good dream.ReplyDelete
Happy Birthday! I wish for you a day filled with sweetness and joy.
Happy birthday, dear Mary!! I don't know what you see when you look in the mirror but you sure don't see what we see. We get older, and you are honest as shit about what it feels like, it truly does suck and there is nothing to be done about it, but hon, you are beautiful, you just are and that is all. And I love you.ReplyDelete
Happy birthday mary moon!ReplyDelete
Happy Birthday, Ms. Mary Moon! You make it all so interesting, never a year wasted.ReplyDelete
Thank you- Krist
Happy birthday to you via RK is how I come here and she said to send wishes and she's the bees knees and so hello and happy birthday...hope it was a good one.ReplyDelete
I left you a birthday message on your vm today. I still get yours and Sue's confused and I think that yours is the day before Marc's instead of after. I guess in the recesses of my mind I must have known because I called.
We have a little something for you in honor of your birthday. Next time we see each other.
Have fun and a safe journey home.
hugs and sugar to the crew.
Oh, c'mon, you look pretty great, and you are wiser, too. Many happy returns of the day!ReplyDelete
You are hardly an old crone!! Happy Birthday! Glad you're enjoying yourself up there in Ashville!ReplyDelete
Happy Birthday Mary Moon, from a painfully shy Ashevillian. I love seeing my city through your eyes. Gotta check out that Kava Bar.ReplyDelete
Baa Haa Haa. 12 years ago I was having a meltdown and you took care of me. And in the candle light I mentioned something about you being a crone. I meant it as a compliment.ReplyDelete
And you almost snatched me bald-headed.
I love you. Happy birthday.
Sister Moon, best of it all to you. You deserve it.ReplyDelete
You're beautiful as hell to moi.ReplyDelete
sorry i missed your birthday, mary. i'm glad it was happy!ReplyDelete
I feel like a jerk for missing your birthday, but I have a feeling you will forgive me before I can even get out, I'm sorry.ReplyDelete
Happy Birthday you beautiful, brilliant woman and writer.
I love you.
I wish you more more more of all the joys you celebrate here with us, and the ones you keep too, just for yourself.
Pink balloons, a bouquet of zinnias and sunflowers and a moon decorated cupcake for you.