I am done with the contacts. Done, I tell you. There is no way that they are a fair test of my ability to see in monovision because they don't give me decent vision far away or near, either one. My astigmatism is too bad, I think, for them to work at all and I am not going to put myself through that shit one more moment.
I do believe I am just going to go get a new pair of glasses and be done with this situation. I cannot commit myself to an expensive surgery which may leave me with vision no better and maybe worse than I have with glasses.
So there and that's it.
I tried for eight days.
I went to lunch with Hank today and I could hardly read the damn menu. There was no place I could hold it and see the words properly. Not near and not far. Nope. Fuck it.
So okay. Have any of you ever read a book by Joshilyn Jackson? I never had but am listening to one on CD now and I can't tell if it's a really good book or if I am just fascinated by it or if the narrator, who is Ms. Jackson herself, is just incredibly talented.
It's got my attention. Too much of it.
It's called Backseat Saints and it's about a woman in a relationship with a man who, to put it bluntly, beats the shit out of her.
Now I've never been in that situation myself. My "issues" do not include being attracted to men who might do this. I went out with a guy once who hit me ONCE and that was it. Out of there.
And if any of my good friends has ever been in this situation, they never shared it with me although I deeply suspect that one of my friends (now deceased) may have been.
And so, this is a subject I really don't know much about beyond what I learned in nursing school and have read about. It is so very easy to think that the solution to domestic violence is to simply leave, although intellectually, I know that's a hell of a lot easier to say than to do. A hell of a lot easier. And I even understand some of the reasons why.
But listening to this book has been an eye-opener and it's a page-turner (or, if you're listening, a keep-goinger). The writing is a bit...lush...but it works very well in this story. Sometimes I think an editor should have perhaps stepped in with a red pen but really? Who am I to say that?
Okay. That's all. Just wondering if any of you have read any of this author's books (And how southern is the name Joshilyn? Was she named after her daddy? I do not know but I sort of hope so.) I would be tempted to read another. This is not Great Literature but it's a good story and there is certainly a voice to it and as such, I am enjoying it a great deal, albeit the subject matter which is painful and hard to fathom but which I know is as real as can be and as mostly untalked about as the sexual abuse of children.
And now I'm going to go make some SHAKE AND BAKE PORK CHOPS and no, I do not need any help, and also sweet potatoes and there are gorgeous greens from the garden soaking in the sink which shall be our salad. And don't you laugh at Shake and Bake pork chops. They are delicious and don't be a damn snob.
It's been a good day and I'm damn glad I have taken the contacts out and admitted that this is not working out for me although I gave it a fair try and am not sorry that I did.
I am grateful that my man has never once threatened in any way to raise a hand to me in violence and quite frankly, I beat myself up enough as it is and do not need to do so with sticking lenses in my eyes which only make my vision worse.