Saturday, January 14, 2012

Brave New World With Oatmeal

Oh my god it is so bright and sunny here today. And cold. Jesus. It's cold.
Mr. Moon was up before me and was examining the oatmeal container when I walked into the kitchen as if it were a science experiment that he was trying to read the instructions for.
I told him the other day that really, he could learn to make oatmeal. It's not very hard. So this morning I suppose he was going to test out that theory. Lucky for him, I got up and he didn't have to.
Here's how it would go though, were he to actually start cooking:
Within a week, he would become an expert and know far better than I do how to cook things correctly.

I'm sorry- I do not mean that in the kindest way.

Here are some domestic things that he really IS better at than I am:

Making the bed.
Folding clothes.
Cleaning the kitchen after a meal.

Here are some things in the Realm Of Mr. Moon that I am actually better at than he is:


I can't think of any.

I better not forget how to cook is all I am saying.

Right now he is out trimming branches in order to clear them. I should be helping him. Instead, I will go take a picture.

Now that's a MAN, y'all.

While I was out there, I took a picture of how cold it is.


I realize that both Mr. Moon and I live in Assisted Living. I assist him and he assists me.
This works out well for both of us.

Now I want to talk about my iPhone.
I love it.
It is so damn smart that it makes my computer seem dumb. And Siri? God bless her, I love her. I can say, "Siri, send a message to Hank." Then I tell her what the message should say. She gets it right. Mostly. Then she says, "Are you ready for me to send this message to Hank?" and I say, "Yes!" and she does! I can surf the web on that thing. I can blog on it. I can take pictures and video. Duh. I can...I don't even begin to know. Create an alternative universe for all I know. See the mind of god.
Probably watch a video on how to make oatmeal. If there is a video out there of how to make oatmeal, then sure, I can do that. Well, of course there is.

Last night I said, "You have to turn the faucets on. It's going to freeze."
And Mr. Moon said, "Nah. It's not going to get that cold."
I pulled up my weather app and showed him that it was going to get down to 25 degrees.
"Oh," he said. Then he put on his jacket and hat and went out and turned on the faucets.

Now wait a minute. Why does Mr. Moon believe the Smart Phone when he doesn't believe me?

Okay. Ignore that.

I can watch videos of Keith Richards! albeit on a tiny screen.

Yeah. That darn phone is pretty fucking perfect.

I can only imagine how much more perfect it is going to become. Limitless perfection! Awesome! I was reading our beloved Tearful Dishwasher this morning and he was talking about brain-everything-else-interface (or at least, brain-machine interface) and boy, oh boy! Maybe we should be scared by this sort of thing. I don't know. All I know is that the genie is out of the bottle and the next few decades are going to be one hell of a ride.


Things my grandfather never even considered to consider are going to be commonplace, hold-it-in-your hand possibilities. I heard on the radio yesterday (RADIO!) that Russians are using social network technology to spread truth about the recent elections there and how this is changing everything. Judy and Kathleen and I were talking the other day about how for good, or bad, there is no way to get away with evil shit any more because someone is going to be there with a camera that can take video. And again, this may be all come back to bite us on the ass but it is a reality and we better fucking get used to it.

All right. That's all I have to say now. I have to wash the dishes, do the laundry and learn my lines. So far, my iPhone can't do those things although Siri could surely instruct me on how to do them best.

One more thing:

I hate oatmeal. I don't care what kind or what's in it so don't bother recommending oatmeally shit to me. I've just eaten too much of it in my lifetime. I still eat it but I don't like it.

Yours truly...Ms. Moon


  1. YOu are so funny.... you are absolutely right about men being able to cook when they have to, and getting darn good at it too... when I was in hospital for almost a month, my husband had to learn to bake his own bread.. since I kep breaking the bread makers, I did it by hand, so I left him the instructions and he did it... for over 3 weeks he had to cope alone in the house with two mad puppies and take them out, do his work and come and see me when he could.. so he survived well, except the housework didnt get done as much, but thats a small thing.. for the first two weeks he made the bread and did the meals, and then he felt I was strong enough to take over, which of course I did... then he slipt back into having it all made for him... BUT he does do the garden clean up after the dogs and take them out twice a day for long walks so I cannot complain(much) !!! the day here was gorgeous too and would have like to have shared my pics, but still havent got the way to get them uploaded.. have a great weekend, J

  2. siri sounds well, helpful.

    I don't like oatmeal either.

  3. Why do you make so much oatmeal if you don't like it??? Have a nice bagel instead. I just did :)

    Social networking is credited with a HUGE part in the egyptian revolution not long ago. God bless it.

    I am going to try to make pizza like we talked about tomorrow, so I will email if I have any questions. So you can ask Siri for me :)

  4. I never liked oatmeal as a kid so I refused to eat it. I like it now. Go figure. But I don't really cook it. I buy the quick oats and treat it like instant oatmeal. Just pour boiling water over it and stir it and let it sit a couple minutes. Works fine. No sticky pots. I also add stuff as I have it. maple syrup, brown sugar, cinnamon, raisins, etc. You don't have to like it. I'm not fond of eggs. My mother served eggs for lunch so often - and then I had egg salad sandwiches for school lunches - ugh. Didn't like them then and refuse to eat them now. Meanwhile, my brother and husband - same deal - but they still love them. To each his own.

    Women have a different mindset about cooking and chores than a lot of men. We are less competitive. We do not have to be the "best" at everything. We think: I have to cook every single meal every single day and then clean up after - what's easy? Plus we are probably cleaning the kitchen, watching kids, reading a book,chatting on the phone and/or online or watching tv at the same time. If they cook, they cook as if it's important - and leave the mess for us.

  5. I eat it but don't like it either. What can we do? It's oatmeal. It's powerful stuff.

  6. When I read 1984 in grammar school it scared the shit out of me. I thought I was safe though. I couldn't even imagine living as long as 1984. Go figure. I guess there are some good things about Big Brother. But he still scares the shit out of me.

  7. When I was a child I detested oatmeal. My mother insisted on making it every morning with these huge raisins in it...ugh. One morning as I was struggling to swallow it, by holding it tenaciously in my mouth and refusing to do so, my mother reached over and smacked me on the back of the head....the ensuing spew of warm, raisiny oatmeal all over her face sent both of us into peals of laughter and fortunately I never had to eat the miserable stuff again and don't to this day. I think we both realized as well how close we were to having that go terrible wrong and were so grateful for the laughter that a permanent oatmeal reprieve was definitely in order.

  8. I love it. Love it. We call it porridge though, that's nicer :)

    Re making the bed - often I wish for an extre-long-armed man to make the bed for me. I hate it and I do a horrible job. And I get stuck in the duvet cover and panic.

    Apparently another long armed man we both know finds it an easy task as well... wingspan. It's all in the wingspan.

  9. Big Brother may be watching us, but for once we are watching Big Brother. Every time a cop bullies someone, he's got 20 cameras in his face and it's on the internet in seconds. Every time a politician lies, the clip's running on The Daily Show that night. Now, do we, as individuals, have the energy to hold them all accountable? No. But, for once, we can when we need to.

  10. Janzi- Men can do what needs to be done. Like women. And we all quit doing it when someone else takes over. Thanks for commenting!

    Ms. Fleur- Siri might be god.

    SJ- Email away. I make oatmeal because my husband loves it and it is good for us.

    Jeannie- But if we put all that delicious stuff on it, aren't we negating the health benefits? Which is the only reason I eat it to begin with...
    You are right about women and chores. Exactly.

    Ms. Trouble- So they say.

    Kathleen Botsford- I like what Hank had to say.

    liv- GREAT STORY! Yay Mom! Except for smacking the back of your head. I threw up cabbage once and never had to eat it again but there was no laughter. I like it okay now.

    Jo- And we have a king-sized bed! Which needs a king-sized man to get the job done right.

    DTG- Excellent thought.

  11. I love this post. Especially the line about "assisted living." Ha ha ha!

  12. Ha. You said a lot of great things in this post, but I'm still chuckling over "oatmeally shit."

  13. I have the old iPhone, no Siri. But I do really like my regular old iPhone. And I don't eat much oatmeal any more. My father used to say that it would stick to my ribs.

  14. I hate oatmeal, too. It makes me ravenously hungry.
    Try memorizing while walking? I dunno. I think that used to work for me, but I forget.


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