Sunday, January 8, 2012

Men And Other Things On My Mind

I came home from rehearsal to find my man on a tractor and a giant machine in my yard and branches everywhere and parts of trees down on the ground.
Also, Zeke in the backyard.
What the hell? I was only gone for three hours.
Right now Mr. Moon and our across-the-street-neighbor are chain-sawing in the dark.
This cannot be good.

Men are such different creatures than women. I have a Sunday and I think, "Maybe I'll make pancakes."
Mr. Moon has a Sunday and he thinks, "I'll rent a bucket truck and cut down that half a tree on the garage and go from there."

Then he calls Paul and off they go to rent a device that will lift them high up into the air so that they can cut things down and off and thank god Paul is a first-responder.

Jesus, Mary and Joseph.

Zeke is here because Lily and Jason brought him and Owen out this afternoon but Owen, stunned by no nap and then falling asleep in the car and then waking up and wanting chicken nuggets, lost his shit and wanted to go HOME to eat his chicken nuggets and they had to leave in a swift manner in order to stop the bloody tears and they forgot Zeke.

Oh well.

Rehearsal went fine. No one yelled at me for not knowing my lines and although I know I am still too old for this part I really do like it and it's funny, the play, and I think we're going to make it work. Working with Jon is a joy and I can't really explain how I start to believe our characters so easily that I almost cry but I do. I'm not me when we're doing this stuff. I turn into someone else and hell, if that's not fun, what is? I get weary of being me sometimes. It's good to get a break.

Oh my lord. Those men. They keep cutting things and very heavy things keep hitting the ground and hitting something else and please, please, just do not let those things hit them. Men. We need them, we love them, we feed them, we adore them, we stand in bafflement at their actions, we roll our eyes, we kiss their eyelids, we paint OUR eyelids hoping they will notice (do they? ever?), we love them in white button-up shirts with the sleeves rolled up and Levi's and sometimes, when we just look at their hands, we swoon. They annoy us, they make us want to dance, they tickle our fancies and they till our gardens and they have no idea how much we love them when they hold a baby. They fascinate us and frustrate us in equal measure.

Eventually we realize that no, will never understand their needs but we can understand that they have them and that they are as real as ours and if we are lucky they come to realize the same thing about us. We come to realize that it is not us against them, it is not a matter of who is right and who is wrong. It is a matter of getting the chicken nuggets there on time.


And although all of that is about the man-woman complexity, it could also be about any two humans who have pledged their troth. Or who are working their way down that path.

Because here's what we all need:

1. Acceptance for the person we truly are.
2. Love.

Can I get an amen?

An a-woman?

An answer to why they are running the tractor now in the dark?

Who knows?

Certainly not me.

Yours in bafflement and wonder...Ms. Moon


  1. Men like chainsaws and bucket loaders and tractors. And even some women do too. I cannot explain it--the wiring is different. New studies show that men are really from Mars and women are from heaven or something like that. Anyway, don't worry. He will come in soon enough. And tomorrow, he will need some Advil and a back rub. Life is okay, if not better than that.

  2. Syd- Yep. I say that Women are from Earth and Men are from Penis. But that's just me.

  3. Here is a conversation I had with kids who often go camping with my dad. (They were about 8 & 10)

    Me - How was camping?

    Son - I loved it!

    Me - What did you do?

    Son- We lit fires. Papa taught us how to light a fire with a blowtorch and gasoline!

    Me - *inner gasp*

    Me Oh yeah, what else?

    Son - Papa let us drive the truck!

    ME - (Dear god. OK, calm down they were sitting on his lap and in control the whole time.) Oh, that's fun. I used to sit on Papa's lap and drive too.

    Son - Oh, he we weren't on his lap.

    Me - (Freaking out a little). Oh so he sat beside you?

    Son - No, he was in the back seat.

    It was then I decided to not ask any more questions about camping trips!

    I often muse at the thought of my dad in an assisted living facility. I just can't see him going to a sing-a-long or playing bingo. If he ever goes, I give the nursing home three weeks before he either puts on a new roof or takes out a retaining wall.

  4. By the way, my dad bought a loader a few years back. When I asked him why he looked like I was nuts. To him buying a loader is like buying bread. He needed it.

  5. Hey a new study says that when men do baby care-diapers and holding and wearing and rocking, their testosterone levels goes down. Ha! Which doesn't pluck them outa trees and barely puts a damper on their enthusiasm for LARGE EQUIPMENT THAT MAKES NOISE. But there it is.

    XXXXX Beth

    PS My big butch girlfriend loves her some chain saw.

  6. Beth Coyote- I do love a woman who can operate heavy machinery. And I do love a man who can change a poopy diaper.

  7. Don't you want to trade places just to see what it feels like?

  8. My guy's toy is a guitar - and I don't know my way around that kind of thing either.

    Beautiful photo of you, Ms Moon.

  9. I was wondering when dad was going to take care of that branch on the garage.

  10. My three boys were out in our backyard putting together a trampoline until it was dark. I have no understanding of them at all. I did read one of the funniest things about men and women today, though, over on the food blog Dinner: A Love Story. Here's the link:

  11. How long does he have that bucket rental?

    After cutting my upper thigh open with a chain saw, the young ER nurse told me she needed to take my pants off. She removed them gently and said, "you're wearing underwear; bless your heart."
    "of course" I said, "I was using a chain saw."

  12. Denise- Uh. Not really. I'd kill myself by accident.
    But maybe the sex part. Yes. Okay. Sure.

    Lisa- I had a husband whose toy was a guitar. Yep. I know what you're talking about.

    DTG- It is DONE!

    Elizabeth- Darn it! You've made me add another blog to my list. That was charming as hell.

    Magnum- GREAT STORY! Smart boy to wear your underwear while chain-sawing. Yes indeed!

  13. We notice, marymoon. Oh yes, we do.
    Love, daddyb.

  14. Daddy B- That is good to know, you sweet man.


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