Friday, December 7, 2012

Striving For New Lows Here

Here's something I decided last night:
I hate broccoli. I have decided this many times before and I decided it again last night. I ended up dumping the quinoa and broccoli outside for the chickens' dining pleasure this morning. They can have the broccoli. They can have ALL the broccoli. In the world. The only broccoli I like is over-cooked broccoli with cheese sauce. I don't know why but that's just the truth. I sometimes make a "cheese" sauce with nutritional yeast and that's okay too. And I'd even used a recipe for this damn broccoli. It was oven roasted with peppers and capers and olives and blah, blah, blah and it sucked and when I cut it up and mixed it with the quinoa it contaminated the quinoa so that sucked too.
I ended up making a toasted cheese sandwich with tomatoes and that did not suck.
Oh well. The chickens will eat the broccoli and they will be happy and lay me eggs. It all works out.

God damn. I am the most boring person in the universe. I just wrote an entire paragraph about broccoli.

I need to do something exciting. I WANT to do something exciting. You know what I want to do? I want to go to town and BUY MYSELF AN ANTIQUE RUBY RING! Or, something like that.
Now that would be exciting. I remember how it used to feel when I'd buy myself something a little crazy, a little beautiful. Something which served no purpose whatsoever except to please myself.
Then I quit doing it. I don't remember when and I don't remember why but I haven't done anything like that in so long that...well, I don't remember.

Yeah, I probably won't do that.

I might, however, go buy a tiny Christmas tree. I should go buy a Christmas present or two. Mr. Moon asked me the other night if I'd finished up doing all the Christmas shopping.
I said, "If by ALL you mean none, then yes."
He and I are so witty. Our repartee sparkles like diamonds in champagne would if you were crazy enough to put diamonds in champagne.
Not really. A great deal of our conversation goes like this:
"What? I can't hear you." 
"Hold on, I can't hear you."

Actually, most of our conversation goes like that.

We should buy each other hearing aids for Christmas. Man, they should get jiggy with those things. Instead of trying to make them invisible, which makes them look creepy, they should make 'em big and stylish. They could decorate hearing aids for the old men with cammo or team colors and make ruby-encrusted hearing aids for the women.
Look- we Baby Boomers need hearing aids and we like blingy, whimsical shit. It's a good idea.
And somebody will probably start doing it and make a shit ton of money. Not me.

All right. I guess I'm going to go do something. Take a walk and listen to some more of Steve Job's biography. Then maybe go buy a Christmas tree that'll fit in a Prius. Do you know how long it takes to fill up the tank in a Prius? About two minutes. Somehow it still costs sixty dollars. I don't understand.

All right. If you have any suggestions for Truly Exciting Things I Could Do Today, let me know. Keep in mind that I hate to shop, hate to wear a bra, and my husband is out of town.

Happy Friday, y'all.

Love...Ms. Moon


  1. Every time you talk about hating broccoli I snicker about the one commonality you share with George HW Bush. Remember that uproar when he admitted he didn't like broccoli? Now I'm no fan of any Bush, but good grief y'all, he didn't admit to anything horrific.

    I only like broccoli when it's (1) raw in a salad with bacon and mayo and (2) overcooked in a stirfry with oodles of sauce. Frankly when I saw you talking about broccoli and quinoa, I didn't imagine it ending well.

  2. NOLA- Ha! I almost added that- my one shared trait with George HW. I hear he's in the hospital. Maybe he should have eaten more broccoli. Raw broccoli gives me belly pain like I'm gonna die. I don't thing god wants me to eat broccoli.

  3. I plan to have a very boring day today.

  4. I don't know Ms. Moon - the man is 88 years old and in the hospital for bronchitis. I think his broccoli aversion has served his health very well! ;)

  5. I thought about the Bush connection when I first saw this post too!! Great minds... :)

  6. You know, I think you're on to something with those hearing aids! Why not make them big and funky like those headphones the kids all wear like an accessory these days?

    And I also had cheese toasts for dinner last night and it was delicious.

  7. you cracked me up today Ms Moon. Different woman, different family, different country but oh so many "Same!" laughs (and sighs some days) Some days I think my husband and I should just develop the habit of always saying two identical sentences together, one after the other, in all our talking because one of us is ALWAYS going to sat "What was that?". What about the return of hearing horns. they could be customised , I'd get a botticelli nude on the outside of mine.

  8. I like broccoli--but not to talk about. Years ago I had lunch with a fellow graduate student--a nice guy, but an overly earnest vegetarian without the slightest spark of humor. (I since married an off-beat, naturally funny vegetarian who hates talking about food--so, no stereotyping intended.) He spent a good 15 minutes solemnly intoning on the various ways he cooks broccoli--and I, a very patient and tolerant person, sat there in disbelief that I was actually engaged in what had to be the dullest conversation the world had ever seen. No topic seemed less worthy of that much verbal effort.

    I'd long forgotten the incident until your remark about the "entire paragraph about broccoli".
    I know exactly how you feel.

  9. You may think you are boring but I think you are funny as hell. Made me laugh out loud for the first time today. And I like broccoli but only if it's cooked. It just doesn't seem like you are supposed to eat it raw. Yuck!

  10. Okay, dear girl....I love broccoli, i particularly love it raw with that wonderful old onion soup/sour cream dip. So there.......we don't have to agree on everything. For instance...I love the whole paragraph about broccoli......

    As for a suggestion of what you can do today.....I've got one, but you won't like it. I'll tell you anyway because I am contrary like that.

    Sit comfortably and quietly in a favorite spot and STOP thinking......empty your mind. It's called meditation and it ain't easy but oh so good for you. Do try it, even for 5 or 10 seconds. Then try it again for 5 or 10 more. OK....that's enough for today. Soon you will be able to get up to 15 seconds and more.


  11. Ellen Abbott- That's my plan almost every day.

    NOLA- Yeah. We don't need no stinking broccoli.

    Mama D- I really hated Bush The Father until Bush The Son came along. Then I sort of started feeling warmer towards the old dude.

    Angella- Hell yes! We should embrace our deafness! We should flaunt it! We earned it with rock and roll and aging! Or something like that.

    Nicola- Hello and welcome! Thanks for coming by and commenting and hell yes- I'm thinking that would be an excellent device AND accessory!

    Kelly- Welcome to you too. And thanks for taking the time to tell me I made you laugh. I'd rather make people laugh than anything I can think of.

    Lo- Believe it or not, dear heart, I do meditate sometimes. You are precious. Thank you.

  12. Well we have another thing in common as I also hate broccoli. Oh and I also hate wearing a bra so that is another one. Hope you found some exciting things to do because I have nothing exciting to offer. As soon as I am done blogging I am going to sleep. It has been a long week for me.

  13. Hahahahahahahahahaha! I think I hate broccoli too but I eat it all the time, all the time. Tonight even.

    Today I went to the consignment store and bought VELVET. Two velvet shirts. I'm not kidding you. And one is green and the other is rose. And some patterned tights.

    Im so excited I could wear them to bed. Or maybe it's the black tea I just drank. No matter. Velvet would fix you right up.


  14. Nooooooooo! Broccoli is GREAT! It's seriously my favorite vegetable, and I love vegetables in general, so that's saying something.

    I read somewhere that people's taste buds vary -- yours may be more sensitive to certain tastes and flavors than mine, for example. And that's why some people can't abide certain foods while others like them. We're not tasting the same things. Interesting!

    I think a ruby-encrusted hearing aid is a fabulous idea.

  15. I think Bush did get his resilience from eating broccoli all his life and imagine his illness today is the result of his disappointment over how his party fucked over the UN Convention on rights for persons with disabilities. He did sign the American Disabilities Act into law despite that love of broccoli.

  16. I'm loving the comments about Bush. Pretty funny stuff. And I do love broccoli.

  17. An antique ruby ring sounds like a party! Especially with your red nails. I say pull a sweater over your braless self and go get one!


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