Tuesday, December 11, 2012

A Seasonal Post

Mr. Moon asked me what I wanted for Christmas this morning.
I almost said, "Nah, you done fucked that shit up," meaning, of course, that we're not going to Mexico for Christmas but I thought better of it and just continued to make the oatmeal and said, "Oh, honey. I don't know."
He's so sweet, that man. But I have no idea what I want for Christmas although I have ordered myself two presents. One is the traditional Virgin of Guadalupe calendar which I order every year and the other is the book Call The Midwife. So honestly, I'm covered.

I've gotten Jason a token gift and last night I went nuts and ordered Gibson one of these:

Just what every ten-month old needs and wants, right? To tell you the truth, Gibson would be thrilled just to get a graham cracker for Christmas. I'm sort of going about this all wrong.

The kids really all just want money for Christmas. Money is good. Money is easy. But money is boring to unwrap on Christmas morning. I have to get those people SOMETHING. And then...wrap whatever I get them. I guess.
Oh god.
I wish they made Bill Murray onesies for adults.

I'm not sure why I have such a hard time buying presents for people but I do. I was thinking about this the other night and it might have something to do with my mother. (Surprise!) I don't think I ever got her a present that she truly liked. I remember when she turned fifty and I thought that deserved a truly nice gift so I asked my brothers if they'd like to chip in on something and they said they would and I went out and bought her a small band with emeralds (her birthstone) and diamonds in it. I don't think she cared one damn thing for that ring. I don't recall ever seeing her wear it. She's given it to Jessie who does wear it sometimes. One of the stones fell out and Jessie got it replaced. I think.
I'd really like to buy all my kids a house for Christmas. One apiece. That would be awesome. Lily already has a house but it's sort of small so I'm sure she and Jason would appreciate a larger one.
I'll run that by Mr. Moon and see if he likes the idea.

Some people are just gifted at giving. My friend Lynn was. She'd find the best things. Not expensive things- she never had any money- just GOOD things. She bought me a little tiny set of glass bowls made in France once. The smallest one is about the size of one of Baby's eggs and the biggest one is about large enough to use for a cereal bowl. I use those bowls all the time and I cherish them. I think she got them at a yard sale. But I don't have the gift-giving gene. Nor the gift-receiving gene if you want to know the truth. It wracks my soul to think of someone going out and pondering what to buy for me. I just want to cry and say, "Oh please. Don't bother."
Like that.

I do want to make Christmas Eve supper for my babies. I didn't make Thanksgiving so I really want to do this. Make the traditional chicken salad that Mr. Moon's mama always made with the red and green grapes and pecans on top of it. I'd love to cook a ham and maybe I just will. And I already bought a Costco fruitcake and do not give me any shit about fruitcake. I love fruitcake and sometimes I make them but not this year. Two years ago I bought one of the Costco ones and it was so good that May and I went crazy eating it to the point where Lily got disturbed. May and I are generally fairly circumspect when it comes to eating treats but we were shoveling that cake down our gullets. Fruit and nuts were flying as we chomped it with our big American teeth. Lily finally got up and put the cake away. She almost cried, it was so disturbing. I am looking forward to doing that again.

Well, I suppose I should quit talking about this shit and go out and actually do something. The sky is so gray that if we lived up north I'd be predicting snow but we don't so I won't. It might rain tomorrow. The chickens are scratching around the back yard and I haven't seen Fancy today. Maybe he needs to bring Baby a present, see if that would help her heart soften towards him. I bet if he took her to Mexico she'd dance with him.
If you know what I'm saying.

Or maybe he could take her to Mexico next year. Sometimes a hen just needs a little something-something to look forward to. Presents are nice but the Caribbean is nicer.

Why does my porch smell like dog shit? If Mr. Moon wants to know what I REALLY want for Christmas, here it is: KILL THE DOGS!

Isn't it nice that I'm getting into the Christmas Spirit this year?
I think so.

Love...Ms. Moon


  1. I'm laughing, laughing, laughing. I want a Bill Murray onesie (remember Danskin bodysuits?). And the dog comment is my favorite, and only you know why.

  2. You are funny funny right now. I laughed.

  3. Elizabeth- Yes. You know.

    Mr. Downtown- I rather liked this one myself.

  4. i know what you mean about the gift giving. such stress for something that should be pleasurable. i love your new picture, by the way. very cool.

  5. Something fun to do with money is to tape it end to end (dollar bills!) and roll it up and place in a box with the start sticking out......let them pull, and pull, and pull money out of the box. That would be fun :)

  6. Fruitcake scares me. I have never tried it. It looks like brain jello cake to me.

  7. I hope you won't consider this giving you shit...but I do believe you are the very first person I've ever know who truly likes fruitcake.

    Hilarious post!

  8. Angella- I know. It's supposed to be FUN, right? What happened? Now it's torture for me.

    Rebecca- I don't think it would be fun for me quite frankly.

    Rachel- Fruit cake (good fruit cake) is awesome. People don't know what's good.

    Lulumarie- Well, May sure likes it. SOMEONE must because they keep making and selling it. And I am not offended at all. I adore you.

  9. OMG. Getting caught up here, so I just read SB, as you recommended. Now I'm laughing even harder. You know I love dogs, but, well, some damn way you always make me laugh when you suggest mayhem for your dogs. And the fruitcake scenario...well, yeah, I get that.. I'd get in some elbow jabs for some great fruit cake. Good thing we don't know each other in person cuz Lily would be crying her eyes out to see us going at that fruitcake.

  10. You are deep into the Christmas spirit!! All shapes and sizes. Yours is a very unique type of Christmas spirit! :-)

    I am having a real hard time also with all of the Christmas preps. And we don't even do a special dinner. sigh.

    Hang in there.
    xo PS you are so not a hypocrite for eating chicken... (You just like chicken in all it's forms)I just found it so hilarious how you talked about your chickens just before announcing what was for dinner. It made me smile. :-)

  11. Denise- We could kill that sucker in an hour. It would be awesome!

    Ms. Fleur- Well, I am a hypocrite. It's just the truth. I'm sorry you're having a hard time with the holidays. It is certainly to be expected.

  12. Ahahahaha! I love you, Ms. Moon! I do! :))))

  13. Ha! Poor dogs. Poor you. :)

    Seriously, I love that Bill Murray onesie. I guess onesies really ARE for adults even if the babies actually wear them. I mean, the baby doesn't care what it looks like, right?

    I need to buckle down and get some gift management underway as well. I generally keep things simple, but I still wish we could skip it altogether. It really IS insane.

  14. Oh, and fruitcake -- I LOVE fruitcake. I've never understood why people dislike fruitcake so much. Publix makes killer fruitcake.

  15. I love fruitcake too!! We are kindred spirits!


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