Friday, December 14, 2012

Couldn't Keith Just Come For Supper And Bring His Guitar?

Oh dear god, will this grayness never end? Come on, weather, either fucking rain or cheer the fuck up! There aren't enough Christmas lights in the world to dent this pewter sky.
And it's cold.
Or at least what we here in Florida think of as cold.

Anyway, blah, blah, blah.

I have a problem. Okay, I have a lot of problems but the one on my mind right now is HOW DO I GET THE PAY PER VIEW ROLLING STONES CONCERT ON SATURDAY NIGHT? Yes. I desperately want to party down with the old geezers on Saturday night. Desperately.

As some of you may be aware, I developed a huge crush on Keith Richards, not when I was eighteen when it would have made a little logical sense, but about two years ago when I read his autobiography.
The first time.

The book is about ten thousand pages long (hey! he's old and has led a very exciting life) and I not only read it with my eyes, I have listened to the audio version at least three times. I'm not especially proud of this but it's just the way it is and with all my heart I want to see the old man play the intro to Brown Sugar on Saturday night and also Satisfaction and whatever the hell else they want to play. And Mr. Moon and I do not have the slightest clue about how to get PPV and we don't know how to DVR or any other fancy thing and we barely know how to use the remote and sometimes have to call Jessie in Asheville, NC just to have her help us get the screen resized properly. 
I THINK we have Dish Network. 
I guess I'm going to have to call those people (on my landline!) and admit my complete ignorance. And isn't this just the damn funniest thing you ever heard? Only a Rolling Stones fan would be so old that they don't know how to operate modern TV technology. Lord. It's humiliating and embarrassing.

Mr. Moon and I were discussing this last night on our way home from the Christmas dinner at the Assisted Living. I was feeling pretty young and spunky after spending several hours with people over the age of eighty but the realization that I have no idea how to order a pay per view event sort of undid that momentary illusion. Mr. Moon offered to go out and buy a brand new huge flatscreen TV and I, in my complete dedication to watching this event, said, "Yes! Go do it!" And I'm not at all sure how that would help the situation but in the slim chance that we can figure it out, I could watch the Stones (whose average age is now older than the Supreme Court justices) in incredible Flat Screen glory. 

This is definitely a First World Problem, or as I sometimes say, a rich white girl problem, although I think that if I were really rich, no matter my skin-shade, I could just tell the dadgummed butler to get this problem taken care of. Right? Or my personal assistant. Or better yet, I'd just be sitting in a VIP box at the actual concert after having partied backstage with the Stones themselves. Whatever. But no, here I am in Lloyd, Florida where you can't get pizza delivered and you can't get cable and you can't get cell phone reception in your house but by golly, you CAN get excellent high speed internet and for that I am so grateful. Hell, I can make my own pizza but I can't make internet. 

Well, we'll either figure this out or we won't. 

Meanwhile, I better get busy around here and figure out even more important stuff like what to get anyone for Christmas. Like wishing myself thin, this complete denial of Christmas approaching like a freight train isn't really working. And baking cookies isn't helping either situation. 

I better go take a walk and think about this.

Happy Friday, y'all.

Love...Ms. Moon


  1. I have no idea. But I'd love to hear those opening notes to Brown Sugar as well. And a little Sweet Virginia, too.

  2. hey, one thing i learned in therapy is to let go of devising a hierarchy for problems. if they're real to you, they matter. i hope you manage to fix this one because not being able to rendezvous with Keith is DEFINITELY not okay.

    love you dearly.

  3. You make me laugh! Surely that big screen will fix everything.

  4. If you have Direct TV you can probably order it. It will be pretty expensive I think. But what's money when Keef is involved.

  5. Sitting here staring at "not yet decorated Christmas tree" totally in denial. Wasn't Christmas seven weeks away last week?
    I really hope you get to see the concert, I'm sure you will x

  6. If it makes you feel any better, we have trouble figuring out our TV too! And we have under-floor heaters that we can't even operate. (In fact, I'm thinking that might be my next blog post! You've inspired me!)

  7. pardon me for the randomness of this comment, but I just happened to hear on the radio that Aaron Neville (?!) is coming out with an album in February, of doo wap music of all things, and your boy Keith helped produce it and plays guitar on it. It's called "My True Story", and I thought a proper Keith fan such as yourself might be interested... cheers - Sarah

  8. sarah- Thank you! And I adore Aaron Neville. He and his brothers have put the healing on me more than once. Damn! This is just awesome news. I'll check it out. I surely do appreciate the head's up.


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