Sunday, December 9, 2012

From Chicken Shit To The Pope In One Heavily Illustrated Blog Post

Golly but yesterday was just a jam-packed holiday glory of a day! 
Uh-huh, oh yeah.

First thing I did was to clean out that hen house. My ladies need a poopy-free zone to roost in, don't you know? Or, for at least one night. Let me tell you something- hens and a rooster can trash a roost like a rock band can trash a Motel 6. If they had tiny TV's in there, they'd smash 'em up and throw 'em off the balcony into the pool. But they don't so they just poop a lot. Which is fine. Chicken shit makes lovely fertilizer.

And then. And THEN, I went upstairs to the room which has become sort of a depot for all sorts of bizarre and under-used items such as the belly cast that we made for Lily when she pregnant with Owen and some sort of taxidermied animal (which is laying on the bed) waiting to be picked up by Gary From Canada (this could take a while) AND the Christmas shit. I went through the boxes of ornaments until I found the one with my most precious and beloved shit including things like this

which is a tiny Capezio shoe that one of my children wore probably for one second but was too cute to throw away so now it's a Christmas ornament.
And I set up that poor little innocent Norfolk Island Pine and I had to tie some fishing line to the top of it and anchor it to the wall to correct the scoliosis and then I covered it in lights and ornaments. Now it looks like this.

That took me approximately two hours. I am not kidding you. It's still a little...jaunty. And you can barely see the tree beneath all the Christmas Memories and the canoe keeps sliding off but whatever. I HAVE A CHRISTMAS TREE!

Then I did the Nativity. 

One year Hank was setting it up and he added Buddha to the mix and now it's tradition. I like the seashell too. Don't ask me why. But I do. And it's MY nativity and I can do whatever I want to.

And then, for the final touch of Christmas Cheer, I plugged in the vintage Santa.

Isn't he just the evilest Santa you ever saw? Glory Hallelujah! All hail the Power of Evil Santa! Now there's a Santa you can use to scare your kids into good behavior with. 

Speaking of kids, Lily and Jason took Owen and Gibson to some sort of Christmas festival thing yesterday and Lily sent me these pictures. 

Doesn't Owen look festive? And doesn't Gibson look mystified? I believe if he could talk, he would be saying, "What the heck?" At least he's not screaming. 

And then, of course, to top off the day of Holiday Cheer, I went to the Opera House and helped serve dinners and then went upstairs and sat onstage and knit and I broke the glass in the bucket and we got that show done and then we ate some tasty leftover ham and potatoes and green beans and peas and then I came home and made a martini at 11:00 at night and proceeded to stay up for hours. It was awesome. In fact, that may have been my Christmas party. It was the best sort of Christmas party for me in that there was no groping of strangers in the bathroom, no holiday dress requirement and no Christmas music whatsoever. I woke up this morning and can still look myself in the eye. I didn't dance on any tables, I didn't tell the boss to fuck off and I even washed the dishes. 

So there you go.

I've taken the trash, I've got laundry going, and I've talked to my Lis. In a few hours I'll be going back to the Opera House to help break down the set and collect my rocks and whatever else I've left there and then I'll come home to reunite with my husband who is returning from the woods. It's been a good weekend with a strange mix of the social and the solitude and yesterday, while watering the front porch plants I found this.

Baby's been laying in the fern. Four tiny, perfect brown eggs and I felt as if I had just gotten a Christmas present, the best kind- useful and beautiful. They're now in the kitchen in the pecan bowl with two regular-sized eggs

and right now the chickens are scratching away in the leaves amongst the camellias and ferns where right beside them, the wild birds are visiting the feeder. 

My goodness! That's enough pictures, don't you think?

My friend in Rome reported that he saw the Pope yesterday although he had tried to avoid the cavalcade in which he was going to be passing and he said that when the Pope drove by in his Popemobile about ten feet away, he looked, "Old and tired, frankly." And that as he passed, "the ladies cooed, 'Oh, papa.'"

I will leave you with that. 

Love...Ms. Moon


  1. Sounds like you have come upon just the right amount of Christmas.

    Baby has become my favorite living hen - her name even is just so perfect for the way you describe her.


  2. Yay for finding your own style of holiday cheer and going with it! Yay for that. The tree is marvelous.

    The boys are cute as always.

    Not sure what to say about he pope, but I do appreciate all the photos of home. Even if it is your home and yard, it is Lloyd, which I still think of as home.

  3. Love the tree, love the "Guess who's comin' to dinner" nativity, and old creepy, plastic, lighted Santa took me straight back to when I was 5.

  4. I like to think about the Merry Mary Christmas - a perfect blend of sentiment and cynicism. xoxo

  5. I love the Santa/Gibson photo, and your tree is fatly divine. I, too, have an angry, evil Santa although he's only a head. I will post photos of it, probably, very soon.

    As for Papi -- I saw the former one in Rome, and it changed my life.

    Just kidding.

  6. Jill- She's my favorite hen, too. She's just so spunky!
    And a good layer, if I can find her eggs.

    Ms. Fleur- Who would ever have thought you'd come to think of Lloyd as home? It can be pretty cozy.

    Nancy- At least I'm decorating. Are you proud of me?

    Elizabeth- You made me literally laugh out loud.

  7. Why yes, Ms. Mary, I'm powerful proud!

  8. Nancy- That makes it all worthwhile!

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  10. Buddha in the nativity - love love love it !!
    Saw a nativity where I had dinner last night (outside on the patio). They were playing some fabulous jazz to go with it ...... not a christmas carol to be heard. Hallelujah !!
    Evil Santa made me laugh. If I had one of my own I think he'd be so awesome that he'd have to stay out all year long, in the front garden, and maybe flashing ..... just to confirm to my neighbours that, yes - I truly am batshit crazy !!
    Have a great day and thanks for the laughs.

  11. Kelly M- Do I know you? Whatever, thank you for coming by and joining in the conversation. I got that Santa at a Goodwill. It is one of my prized possessions and one of the few things I look forward to about Christmas. My neighbors already know I'm batshit crazy. Believe me.

  12. Did I tell you how much I love Baby and her wee eggs? Well, I do. Sweet hen that she is, as much as I think chickens are dinosaurs with feathers.

    XX Beth

  13. Beth- Chickens very much are dinosaurs with feathers (DNA proves this) and dinosaurs probably had feathers too. Which is one of the main reasons I love them. Baby is just...well, she gives me hope. I'm not sure why.

  14. Poor Baby -- why does she have a mysterious tendency to lay her eggs in bizarre places?

    For someone not so into Christmas, you did a great job on your tree! You're definitely more in the spirit than we are around here.

  15. It looks really festive at the Moon residence. I'll post some photos soon from here. Pretty festive too. More than we thought.

    I still think about the lost hens. I miss them. I think it's sad that they were eaten by something or ran away. Gone without a trace...

  16. I love your whimsy!
    I collect Santas but your evil Santa? Scary as shit with those Earnest Borgnine eyebrows!


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