You know how I always say, "I took a walk and did not die"?
Well, today I did die. Okay. Obviously not really but I think that my human mind left my body due to the torture of it all and let some insect part of my neural system continue to make my legs go on because the alternative, which would be to lie down in the dirt and let ants crawl all over me, was not acceptable.
Also I saw a Confederate flag in front of a trailer and it made me so angry that I wanted to go knock on the door and say, "Fuck you! We live in a very integrated and mixed community and your flag is a spit in the heart to everyone of color who lives here and you are a jerk and an asswad and a racist and a bully and a shitty, shitty human being and that American flag you have flying in front of your thirty-dollar-a-month-rented-trailer doesn't prove otherwise. You fuck!"
The Confederate flag was a small thing like you might wave in a KKK parade, stuck in the dirt right by the mailbox and the American flag was a large one and that one is right by the trailer door and somehow, that made it even worse.
I thought of what Kathleen used to say about people who fly Confederate flags which is at least you know what you're dealing with.
And I don't know. I mean,who the hell WANTS to live in a shitty trailer like that and the answer to that is no one unless the alternative is sleeping in their car and I should have some compassion for that and I think about the fact that for some people, the only way they can feel as if they are as good as or better than someone else is to put down an entire other perceived race of people but that's still shitty stupid thinking and my give-a-damn-meter as the dear old (may he rest in peace) ferry captain A.P. Whaley used to say, is at zero.
So. Hot. Tortured. Pissed. Upset. Saddened.
That is me right now.
And by the way- the people who used to live in that trailer had a Make America Great sign in their yard. They've moved up in the world to a house which I've loved forever- a very old house, tucked away on a side road under great, spreading live oaks where no one ever goes except for the three folks who live on it. They took their sign with them and it makes me ill to see it.
Anyway, I need to take a shower and get to town. It's lunch day at the Indian buffet with as many of the kids and grands as can come and so there will probably be a picture of Hank holding babies and that is a cheerful thought.
Happy Friday, y'all.