Monday, August 29, 2016

Science. Profanity. Humor. Dorothy Parker. And So Much More

Haven't had the courage to try and turn my computer on. I'll probably do that tomorrow morning before I go to the dentist at 9 motherfucking a.m. 
It's just for a cleaning that I've now canceled and rescheduled twice so there's no way to get out of the appointment. 
Anyway, so yeah, if it doesn't magically come alive, my magic box, I'll take it into town with me to go and visit the handy young men at the Computer Doctor place and if they can't fix it I guess I'll have to buy a new one and although my husband will spring for that, I hate the idea of it with all of my heart and soul. 

I'm just having a bad day. Do you remember that movie "Crimes Of The Heart"? If you never have, you should watch it because it's pretty fucking great and there's this one scene where Diane Keaton's character tries to off herself by various means (I think it's the Diane Keaton character- it's been a long time) including hanging herself from a chandelier which falls from the ceiling and then, still dragging the chandelier behind her, sticks her head in the oven. Her sister, played by Sissy Spacek (again, as memory serves) finds her and confronts her with what the hell she's doing. 
"It's just been a really bad day," says the Diane Keaton character. "A really bad day."
Well, we've all been there or perhaps not and honey, you just have to find the humor sometimes and skip over the suicide attempts and go straight to the image of yourself with your head in the oven and a chandelier tied to your neck and realize that no, you might as well live, as Dorothy Parker said.
Not that today has been that bad. Honestly, it has not. It's just been a medium bad day with one thing and another and there is no doubt that I might as well live despite the computer and the dentist appointment tomorrow. 
You know what makes me really sad? 
Okay. No. You don't. 
But ONE thing that makes me really sad is that I've never made enough money writing to buy so much as a freaking iPad, much less a MacBook. 
Back when I'd written my first novel and had a real agent who said she was definitely going to sell it, I had two goals as to monetary reward. One was to be able to afford to take my kids to Cozumel and one was to buy myself whatever the newest Apple laptop technology was available at the time. 
That dream died and with it came a resignation which flattened me so much that I never really submitted any other piece of writing in the ensuing years except for a tiny thing here or there and I have sadly accepted the fact that I am: A housewife, and, An eternally unpaid blogger. 
I know. So unique. And honestly- pretty good gigs in the scheme of things. 
I never even bought into the fantasy that by monetizing (what a great word!) my blog I could make ones and ones of dollars. Or, more likely pennies. 
This is not to say that I would quit blogging for any reason on earth which I can imagine short of the death of the internet because although I don't make any money on what I write here, it is for various reasons one of the most important things in my life which is either extremely profound or incredibly sad. 
Am I droning on and on?
Yes. I am. So what? No one is paying me for this shit. 
Excuse the profanity which may be, even for me, in excess today. I downloaded and have been listening to this. 

And if anyone uses profanity more liberally and creatively than I do, it is Mr. Bourdain and my ears and brain have been influenced. 
Perhaps I should be listening to Shakespeare but I am not and there you go. 
Interestingly enough, Anthony (may I call you that sir?) speaks of tempting fate in various self destructive ways when he was going through a long string of bad days, and I also caught the final episode of "Olive Kitteridge" today while I was IRONING which involved an almost- suicide but which then ended with Francis McDormand lying on a bed with her head on Bill Murray's chest looking out a window at the ocean saying, "I don't want to leave this life yet," or something like that. 

The point of this entire exercise of typing with my thumbs on an iPhone is to say that I don't want to leave this life yet either and that really, things are not that bad and that the potential for much joy in my life lies right here within me and around me. I almost said "without me" in homage to the Beatles but that could be misinterpreted. 

So. In short (too late for that now!) all is well or well enough and I am going to go to bed early so that I can get up and get to that appointment and as much as I dread it, I know that I will be enjoying the rush of endorphins I'll experience when I leave that office tomorrow morning. 
Hopefully. 

Maybe I won't even have to go to the Computer Doctor but I'm not going to ask for too many favors. 
Although whatever is, is and that's just the plain and real truth. Either the water that I accidentally sloshed into the side ports of my MacBook killed something vital within it or did not. The universe does not care and it's all a matter of the reality of electronics at this point. 

Time to put the chickens up. 

Love...Ms. Moon




18 comments:

  1. You know what's weird? Today I googled, "How much money can you make with adsense on your blog". Seriously. It doesn't sound too bad. You already have a ton of readers. I, for one, would do a "got your back" click on an ad on your blog. As well, you have already accomplished what probably a bunch of bloggers have thought of doing, but never made the time or effort to do. You have written a book! I wish I could say that. I adore your writing style, by the way, and your use of curse words. -Jenn

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    1. I've written more than one book! But oh- well. Whatever. It brought me great pleasure to do so. I would never want my readers here to have to think about supporting me by clicking but that's so sweet of you to say that. And honestly- I have gotten so much more from the people I've met through this blog than I ever could have imagined that it has been exactly what it should have been.

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  2. You my Dear are hilarious and I can relate to so much of this Post which is probably why I found it particularly humorous in a Dark way... which is always the best humor IMO anyway. And the part about fantasizing about making ones and ones of dollars blogging, LMAO... I tried to monetize mine once {and it IS a great word, huh} and screwed up the monetize feature somehow so now it doesn't even work... not that I could tell since I never got a check ever anyway even when it was working! *LOL* But you get Jazzed when you hear some Bloggers make crazy Bank doing it... of coarse those be the ones that somehow post a single Image and ten words to which they have 101 responses to... it's really quite fascinating actually how random it all can be. My favs of coarse either have multitudes of visual Inspiration or stimulating topics to the story content, since I still Love Writing and Reading, dinosaur that I apparently am. And I as well adore your writing style and keeping it 100% real... and saucy. Dawn... The Bohemian

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    1. Thank you, Ms. Dawn The Bohemian. I, too, am somewhat baffled by how popular some blogs are although I have to say that it astounds me that I get as many readers as I do. It's a crazy world, isn't it?

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  3. My suicide dreams are usually from unrequited love, but a computer is the next worst thing. Good luck!

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    1. Is this your first time commenting here? Or have I (quite possibly) forgotten? Anyway, thank you.
      Unrequited love is more heartbreaking than a broken computer.
      Well, mostly.

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  4. All I know is you SHOULD be making money for your writing! I would love being able to write like you...unfortunately I can't write worth a shit. Oh well.
    Hopefully your computer will come alive by tomorrow. Good luck at the dentist!

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    1. Sherry- She is alive! My Magic Box is doing very well, thank you.

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  5. I've been away, my cousin had to have a scary unexpected surgery so I've been reading on my phone and not commenting much. It's an unsettled time. I just wanted to say I'm here, holding your hand, drawing comfort as you hold mine. Lovelovelove.

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    1. Oh, sweetie. How I wish I could be there for YOU! Life is just one broken egg after another sometimes. I am loving you so.

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  6. i hope it can be resurrected.

    xxalainaxx

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    1. Like Jesus from the tomb, it arose!

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  7. I just read this blog yesterday! How did I miss so much? Anyway, sorry to hear about the computer (the details of which are undoubtedly in an earlier post) and I too LOVE "Crimes of the Heart," although I think you have the Keaton and Spacek characters reversed. I seem to remember Spacek dragging around the chandelier.

    As for making money, I am not about to defile my blog with advertising. I don't care whether I make money or not. That's not what blogging is about, in my book -- and it sounds like it's not ultimately about that for you either.

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    1. And can I just add how impressed I am that you typed this whole post on a PHONE??!!

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    2. Well, I figured I got those characters confused. Anyway, anything Beth Henley wrote that they made a movie out of makes me happy. Did you see Miss Firecracker with Holly Hunter? Lord, Lord. What a great movie.
      And yeah, I'm pretty good at typing on my phone.

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    3. I have not seen "Miss Firecracker." Now I'll have to find it!

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  8. I loathe that Wordpress forces advertising on my blog. It is one of the reasons I want to go back to blogger but I don't have the energy. Oh, well.
    It would have taken me a week to write a post like yours on a phone.
    Hope the dentist went as well as it possibly could. xo

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    1. I hate Wordpress. With a bloody passion. I've tried and even though I gave it up, it continually comes back to haunt me.
      The dentist went very, very well.
      Thank you.

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