Wednesday, February 1, 2012

A Brown Study

I am so tired of brown already. Brown leaves carpet the ground, brown sticks in the pots where once flowers and green plants grew. Brown branches, stark and naked. Even with dots of bright fuchsia, too much brown.

And gray. The sky is gray today.

Brown and gray.

Oh boy.

There is promise, everywhere. Buds tightly holding themselves with fleshy petals, more color.

But not nearly enough to overthrow the brown. The gray.

One blue egg. I held it in the palm of my hand and took its picture.

Ms. Flopsy has decided to abandon her experiment in egg-setting, I suppose. Perhaps it was nothing more than a sudden whiff of an urge or a practice session. A playing-with-dolls.

Owen cradled the orange juice bottle the other day as if it were a baby. "Love it," he said tenderly.
Oh yes. Orange juice is good. And it

I crave to be back by the water.

I mean really- how can you compare that to this

and not see exactly and entirely why the brown is just a little too much for me right now and why one pale blue egg really has no hope of lifting my spirits to any great degree?

There is nothing wrong with brown except that it is the color of winter-death and shit.
Nothing wrong with it at all.

Or gray, either.

Just...I miss blue. I miss it a lot.

Even as I am grateful for this place here which I do love which right now happens to be framed in brown and gray.

There is beauty here, even though. Even though.

The sun suddenly breaks through the clouds and I look up and see the gray interrupted with bands of blue. Like the buds of fuchsia, pink and red-and-white striped, it is promise.

But in Cozumel, it was more than promise. It was the reality I woke up to every morning.

Well. Time for a walk in the brown woods. Time to quit whining and be glad I had it. All that blue and green and purple. But I tell you something- it is not ungrateful of me to miss those colors. It's ridiculous to even think that. It is just reality. Why in this world shouldn't I miss them? What sort of idiot wouldn't?

The dogs need baths. Fleas are brown too, you know.

Tired of brown.

Too bad. So sad.


  1. It makes me wonder if we were just meant to hibernate all winter long. Leaves change to gold, orange, yellow, red. We go to sleep and it is SPRING! (And we didn't have to get through Christmas.)

  2. I always thought the best thing in life would be to wake up everyday exactly where you would most like to be. Hope your brown turns blue soon!

  3. How lucky you are to have buds and a promise. We are brown and grey too - and will be until the end of April and into May.

    I, too, miss the beautiful blues and greens and purples and everything in between.

  4. but you know, dear maria luna, your garden is magical. on another day, you will see it better. today, i am glad you have the memory of blue sea to coddle you. love you.

  5. Technically fleas are copper, you just can't tell because they are so little. Love you, lily.

  6. It's one of the main reasons why I live in this crazy place. Sunshine and blue skies. I'm serious.

  7. Mary, when I look at this picture of your house/home I think, I would give anything to live in a place like that. Your home is so incredibly beautiful and in spite of all the brown look at all that green you have up next to the white of the house. And that blue egg! Really, it is magnificent.

  8. Birdie- I would love to hibernate. Crawl into my cave and not come out until Spring was here and I was skinny!

    Kathleen- And why the hell can't we?

    Jeannie- Yeah, but it'll freeze again and all of those buds will die and it will be even more depressing.

    Angella- I know. But the magic needs work to make it magic and I just haven't had the time. I will. I will.

    Lily- Copper. Brown. Whatever!

    Elizabeth- And the celebrity sightings. Don't forget that.

    Rubye Jack- I know. Believe me, I do not take it for granted.

  9. I like the grey, too. But I feel you.

  10. You have summed up my feelings in winter. Usually everything is so bleak and white all it's all brown and even a little muddy. One strange winter we are having. Today it was foggy and gray all day; hard to get moving kind of weather.

    You know, when I come to FL this time of year, I get off the plane and blink at all the brightness and color.

  11. We have a lot of green here with all the oaks. But no nice flowers blooming. I actually like the gray days. Very soothing to me. Maybe you have the SADs as Ms. Bastard-Beloved would write about. I miss her!


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