Tuesday, January 31, 2012

More About Purses. Also...Fabio

A day, a day, a day.
This day. Almost done. Home from rehearsal. It was not a terrible rehearsal. We're getting there which is a good thing in that we open in nine days.
Nine. Days.

Holy shit.

Anyway, here's a weird thing- I will be having my first stage kiss in this play since I was in high school. Uh-huh. And my first other-than-my-husband kiss in oh, well, how long have we been married? And of course it's a stage kiss. And of course, it's not really Jon and Mary, it's Leonard and Harriet.
But they do use Jon and Mary's faces and honey, that's just weird for me. And I'm sure for Jon as well, although he's done this more recently than I have. Stage-kissed, that is.
We've faked it with pecks up until tonight. At our rehearsal last night Jack said, "You guys need to start going ahead and doing the kiss so it won't be so weird."
And tonight, Jon just leaned over and kissed me on the lips.
Isn't it funny that it's a funny thing? I mean- well- it just is and I'm not sure why but honestly, it is. I got all flustered and everyone cheered and I said, "I think I might have a hot flash."
But I didn't.
Adventures in Community Theater!

Here's something else that's funny: In the play my character is a publisher at a feminist publishing house which specializes in romantic fiction. So- what could better represent romantic fiction than...Fabio?

Oh yes. Fabio. The man of a thousand romance covers art.

The I Can't Believe It's Not Butter! guy.

Yes! Fabio!
And so Jan has ordered a life-sized, cut-out, stand-up Fabio for Harriet's office!
It will look like this:
Oh my god. I am going to have so much fun, fondling Fabio while I make feminist pronouncements.

No. We are not furthering the cause of feminism in this play. And I don't care.

Hell, I am a grandmother. I got cast in this role and I intend to have some damn fun with it.

Me and Fabio. It's gonna be like...butta.

And so that's the report. I called my mother today. It was painful. There is absolutely nothing I can do for her dizziness and her headaches or her general unhappiness and when she told me she was lonely, I almost died in shame.
And guilt, of course. Let us not forget the guilt, the gift which keeps on giving.

The guilt I felt after I talked to her filled me up and overflowed and made me ache and feel so tired and weird that when I went to Publix, Lily asked me what was wrong. Was I okay?

No. I am not okay. But yes, I am fine.

I changed purses today. I changed over from a brown slouchy Coach backpack bag to a smaller black leather bag with pockets. I got the Coach bag on e-bay and the black leather bag at Goodwill. Both are beautiful, both are leather. But I'm going to have to change over again. The black bag is not big enough for my stuff. Not the good stuff and not the other stuff either. And the brown slouchy Coach bag is too...brown. Too fucking brown.
I have a red one just like it and a worn-to-the-bone black one too. I got them all on e-bay. And they are not what I need.

I do not know exactly what it is I do need but I need room for all of the treasures and all of the worries and all of the guilt and the love and the joy and the days-filled-with-everything and the future and the past and yes, yes, yes. It is a womb thing, it is a heart thing, it is skin/holding/touching thing.

It is a medicine bag thing. It is a lot to ask from a goddam purse.

Fabio. My mother.

Such are the things a day can be made of.

Also a grandson, groceries, and a stage-kiss on the lips. And the feeling of a baby's butt hard at the top of a daughter's womb under my palm.

It's been a day, a day, a day.

And tomorrow will be another.

I swear. It will be. I swear.


  1. OMG, he's naked in that photo...what fun!
    What a day, kisses and hunks and babies still under their mamas skin...and your own human frailty along with your joy and excitement and love.
    What a day, what a day indeed!
    Thanks so much for the giggle AND the thoughtfulness.

  2. Old Spice Fabio too. ha.


  3. Maybe a big straw bag for a while?

  4. Fabio has always creeped me out. Too much hair for a man.

    Your mom. We were never meant to get as old as we do. I see it everyday. Sitting in front of the TV in a nursing home. Checking of your days in 30 minute increments. Counting down and waiting to die.

    How many weeks until the new baby arrives? I am so excited for you! Eeeeeeeeeeeee!

  5. This is probably a terrible thing to say, but I'm going to anyway. Maybe you could bring the cutout of Fabio to your mother's nursing home and let him stand in for you when you just don't feel like it?

  6. It is a lot to ask from a goddamn purse. I will cherish those words.
    I'm sorry about the guilt. I immediately heard John Prine in my head singing Hello in There.... I wish your mother could be happy so you could be happier.
    Good luck with the play and Fabio.... the hair unnerves me a bit, but I wouldn't complain about the muscles.

  7. That first Fabio pic is too much! This bit made me laugh: It is a lot to ask from a goddam purse.

    Baby butt already! Lawd the time does fly. I miss the feeling of a bottom that fits in my hand.

  8. Fabio! That is hilarious. Good luck finding a medicine bag. And dealing with mother guilt.

  9. A new purse-I KNOW. It's like shoes, there's never the exact right one that answers all our needs.

    But Fabio. I snorted tea out my nose. Especially the nekked one. O gawd. Those pecs! And that attitude!!

    Enjoy kissing someone other than your husband!

  10. Oh, you're preaching to the choir about purses. I'm so picky about those things and my mood and needs change often. I'm forever in search of perfection.

    The on-stage kiss would be really weird and uncomfortable for me. It's that combo of it being someone other than your partner in addition to it being public.

    Fabio-ugh! He just grosses me out.

  11. I don't feel guilt about what is happening with Pop but I feel a lot of sadness. It is definitely a rough time. But it is a time that has to be lived.

    I think that you are brave kissing on another on demand. Kissing has to be with someone I want to kiss--it's been that way all my life. And there has to be good oral hygiene!

  12. To me it's just part of the job of "Leonard". It's odd, but probably not as odd as saying "hello" as many times as we do. But at least I do brush my teeth.

  13. liv- I do love a naked, muscley long-haired man.

    nicol- I think Fabio is a hoot.
    That was a funny video. Thanks!

    DTG- Nope. Straw is for summer. I think maybe Dances With Wolves wife could make me the perfect bag.

    Birdie- NO! We are not meant to live as long as we do. It sucks. And we spend most of our health-care bucks keeping people alive who probably would just as soon get on with it.
    On another note- I do love men with long hair. Can't help it. It's the old hippie in me, I guess.
    Although it would look silly on some men. I love Mr. Moon's very short hair.

    Elizabeth- That is actually a terrific suggestion. Might I even say...a FABULOUS one?

    Mel- I think he's a caricature in his own way and I think he knows that which is why he cracks me up.

    Stephanie- Time IS flying on a supersonic jet.

    Mary LA- I need all the luck I can get, honey.

    Beth Coyote- I'll try.

    Mel's Way- Well, this kiss has to look at least half-way sincere, right?
    I guess that's why they call it acting.

    Syd- Well, you know, it's not a long, long kiss or anything. But yes, good oral hygiene is a must!

    Jon- Hello, hello. Are you all right? Hello, hello. Are you there? Hello, hello, Where are you?
    I will bring a toothbrush to all rehearsals and performances. I promise!

  14. You are so excruciatingly aware of everything. Everything beautiful. Everything sad. Everything.

    Enjoy Fabio. And the kiss. Do have fun with it.

    The thought of feeling a future grandchild's butt through his mama's womb takes my breath away. What could lift your heart higher?

    Handbags and shoes - we always need more.

  15. Somehow Fabio does not cover it as the butter guy... I don't find him attractive either (sorry Fabio, I bet you are a good guy)... Guess you have t be 17 in order to appreciate you and your merits...


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