No baby news. Just wanted to say that right up front.I've got a full day ahead of me what with yoga and then going to town to do some of that fabulous data entry for Mr. Moon and then an entire chicken in the refrigerator (not one of mine) that must be cooked but I've got a problem on my hands and here it is:
I'm a jeans snob. I don't like lycra in jeans. You can wear jeans made entirely of lycra for all I care but I have my jeans-for-life and they are men's Levi's in a hard-to-find style and I have been wearing them for approximately ten years except for the years I was fat and this is looking like one of those and I am WORRIED because winter is coming up.
I love my jeans. After all these years of wear they are getting to that good point in jeanery. Soft and the color blue that no other jeans but Levis will fade into. The color blue of the eyes of a sweet old cowboy, a newborn babe, a mean old woman who looks at you sharply when your cell phone rings in the library.
You know that blue.
I've spent all summer in these baggy linen men's cargo shorts from Old Navy and of course, the overalls and it's been easy to tell myself I'm not really gaining weight, especially since I don't get on scales.
I don't need scales.
My Levis will tell the truth and they don't waffle and they aren't subtle and they don't say, "Oh but honey, we'll stretch once you wear us for an hour."
I can get them on but it's not pretty and besides, it would cause gastric distress to wear them.
I could blame the menopause and I could blame the antidepressant but that would be a lie because I know it's me and what I do and don't do. Sure, I can tell that menopause with its powerful heat-inducing hormone shifts is changing the very shape and essence of my body but really- let's face it- you're either carrying around too much adipose or you're not.
I am.
Okay. That's all I have to say today. I'm certainly not a hugely obese woman, I'm just a woman whose life-time jeans are not fitting and that means, well, you know what it means- I'm going to bitch about it.
This is not earth-shaking stuff, this not-fitting-into-my-jeans but let me tell you- it can mean the difference between a good winter and a bad one. On that very, very personal and egotistical level, at least.
Which is where I'm operating from right now.
Gotta go!
I hope YOUR jeans fit.
I've been having those kind of thoughts creeping up on me the past week or 2, since it is mid-September, and I live in Wisconsin, and capris and sandals are not going to work much longer. I have gained weight. It's a fact. I have no excuse, I just eat too much.
ReplyDeleteFor the record, I don't like lycra in jeans either, I want them to 'hold me in' not stretch to let me hang out.
I suppose you are not surprised of getting a comment from me:) on that issue, yesterday I had to give up some of my overalls bought 5 years ago since they are simply too tight now and my wife smiles kindly to me ! (and laughing inside!)but I still have my levis jacket which I got from my brother in '63 and with some stretching, I can still wear it and on the day I retire (2 years from now), I will go with the most worn out (and best!) overalls no matter what people are saying about me being crazy ! see my old levis here http://www.flickr.com/photos/44188090@N00/sets/72157620905898270/
ReplyDeleteAs someone else who constantly wages a losing battle with my weight I do sympathize. Unlike you I DO cheat and wear 's-t-r-e-t-c-h' jeans. That way I can squeeze my ample backside into a 14 and fool myself that all is well in the weight front and I MUST be losing weight. My main annoyance is I used to be able to eat anything and not put on an ounce, now just looking at food and I'm two pounds heavier..*sigh*
ReplyDeleteI think we've all had that time when we slip into our favorite pair of Levis and wonder what happened to them.
ReplyDeleteThey used to slide on, now I have to tug 'em on.
The zipper used to glide up, or the buttons used to secure easily.
Now zippers and buttons are screaming.
Oh the humanity!
My jeans always fit, but that's because I have a lot of sizes. I'm now in the middle size. I was big size for a few years. Small size I haven't been since before my son was born. I can't throw them out though - I am tantalisingly close to the correct size now.
ReplyDeleteI have been lucky enough that even though I am overweight, I have been the exact same size for the last almost 11 years. My jeans wear out. And yeah, yeah, I could lose the weight if I had a mind to, but because I have struggled with weight issues my entire life (ever been told by your mom, in third grade, that you are a fat pig and then been sent to school with carrot sticks and low-fat cottage cheese? Yeah. I was popular. I was NOT fat, not then), I am perfectly (most days) content to have maintained the same weight all this time. In fact, I am downright grateful today, which is an odd thing to be grateful for but there you go.
ReplyDeleteMy jeans don't fucking fit. I have boatloads of size 7 & 9 (almost new) jeans, and I can't even begin to squeeze my fat ass into them.
ReplyDeleteI bought one pair of size 12 Levis the other day, and those I can get into.
I like Levis too, but the new Levis I purchased are the new foreign-produced ones, and their quality is fucking marginal at best.
I'm just about to the point where I am going to make peace with my fat, goddamn it. Daddums (who is a skinny and built like Paul Newman) calls me a fat ass, and I don't even give a damn. Whatever. If it was good enough for Marlon Brando, it's good enough for me.
Who gives a shit?
Fuck it.
My jeans too have been getting tight. My sympathies.
ReplyDeleteOh sistah friend, I so feel ya.
ReplyDeleteGastric distress. I so know the feeling. I was just thinking myself that winter's coming and I'm always cold and I love jeans but anything around my waist makes me feel like I need to burp and anything "low rise" is just laughable. I'm on the brink of the sweatpant precipice. Fuck it
ReplyDeleteRachel- Agreed. Just because you CAN wear a certain sized stretch jeans does not mean you should.
ReplyDeleteMr. Bibprofessor- Yep. I figured you'd "weigh in" on this one. You love your denim like I do. Or maybe even a lot more!
Technogram- It is hard for people who were always skinny. You keep thinking you'll wake up and be all normal again. Sadly, this is almost never true.
Kori- Well. I have sinned against my own children in those ways and the sins of the mother...
I never called my child a fat anything though. Still.
And I am glad you're grateful today. I am.
Ms. Bastard- Your dad must be funny. I think the men's Levis are still better quality than the women's. Sad but true. Also, I have no waist and no hips that stick out so men's jeans fit me better. I am not ready to admit defeat because I LOVE MY LIFETIME JEANS.
Marsha- It's the time of year to pay attention, I guess.
Nola- And I'm sorry for that but I appreciate the solidarity.
Michelle- And men's cargo pants. They come in long pants, too. They comfort me although they look stupid. But yeah, fuck it.
My jeans are fitting (because they are the crappy stretchy ones), but my belt is one notch up from what it was last year. I take that as not being too bad though.
ReplyDeleteYou know how much I hate finding new jeans, and unfortunately I have to do it each year because I wear the one pair I have to the threads (which is way too easy when they are made out of lycra). I really need to find a new make.
Does anybody have any suggestions for a make or brand of jeans that are REALLY LONG? It's way too difficult to find long jeans in Tallahassee. It almost stresses me out as much as school, which is saying a lot.
AH! Not the jeans problem! I refuse to remove mine from the drawer until I absolutely have to...Delaying the inevitable.
ReplyDeleteMs. Moon,
ReplyDeleteDaddums would like to open a restaurant just so he can turn fat people away. I'm totally serious. My grandfather once asked a woman feeding him in the nursing home, "When does the balloon go up?" My family are not, in general, tolerant of the obese.
I've worked with my body, loving it and at times not appreciating and worrying about it. I'm happy now, it's easier to eat for fuel and not for comfort, but there Are Days dear lord, their ARE DAYS when all I want is a slice of cheesecake and a mug of creamy sweet coffee and some comfy cotton slacks and a pajama top and say FUCK THIS and let my whole being relax.
ReplyDeleteI drift up and down and swim and eat and lose and gain and live and love and that's going to be my pattern. Loving being the most important element in the whole dadgummed thing :)
M
Mary- Beautiful. "Fuck this and let my whole being relax." Amen. And a big amen to love being the most important thing. Thank-you.
ReplyDeleteNope! I own 3 different sizes of jeans and I have 1 or 2 favorites in each size because I never really know what my size will morph into next! Ah, womanhood, ain't it grand??
ReplyDeleteOweeeeen!! Come out and play! :-)
"If it doesn't fit, you must acquit." (
ReplyDeleteJohnny Cochran, whatever year that was)
Sorry to have to bring up that horrible episode of legal wrongdoing.
HoneyLuna- I hope someone has a good suggestion because you do not need any more stress. Love...Mama
ReplyDeleteAJ- Oh. Come on. I know your jeans fit. Don't try to fool Ms. Moon.
Ms. Fleur- Well, you are smart.
Ms. Lucy- Yeah. We need to be reminded of THAT! At least my gloves fit.
i have the sweetest pair of levi's ms moon. gorgeous. the cuff at the heal torn just so. the back pocket on the right side worn from some (tiny) man's wallet; the man who owned those jeans before i purchased them for $2 at a fill-your-bag-and-we'll-talk-about-price second hand shop in caren crow, louisiana.
ReplyDeletethey have not fit me since approximately two minutes before i conceived my kids. really.
i was probably wearing them when my husband was inspired to make babies.
they are in my wardrobe. high up, behind my wedding garment, high enough to forget they are there.
but i never forget those jeans. i can't forget those jeans. when they were on, they caused men and women alike to say 'oh my', in an almost inaudible whisper.
yeah, i hear you about jeans. but my cell phone didn't even have to ring in the library for the
mean old woman to look at me sharply, my rear looked so good.
i know that blue.
but you know what? you and i are still gorgeous.
Oh Adrienne- Somewhere in the possession of one of my girls is a skirt made from a pair of men's Levis, circa 1973, embroidered by me listening to Joni Mitchell sing Blue that I wore to marry my first husband in. The judge looked at us (we were in Bainbridge, GA) and said, "You aren't pregnant are you?" And when I allowed as how I was, he said, "Okay, forget the blood tests, come back at one and I'll marry you."
ReplyDeleteAnd he did and we did and there you go: Hank and May.
Levis are magical. I'm sorry but they are. And gorgeous? Oh yes, mama, we undoubtably are.
Don't you give those Levis away. Don't you do it.
Honeyluna,
ReplyDeleteI would look online. I have many friends who swear by catalog shopping, and say that once you make the switch it's easy as pie... They may be a tad pricier, but perhaps compared with the stress, it may be worth a shot..? Good luck bebe!
Thanks to the Topamax and the Synthroid, mine will be soon fitting. But before that, I am hide-in-my-house-I-have-never-been-so-heavy-before. Now, the scale is moving. Or I think it is. If I owned one.
ReplyDeleteLevi's are the best jeans ever, ever, ever.
ReplyDelete