A Nap

They say on the third day the mother's milk comes in and so do the tears.
Lily's milk was coming in yesterday but I saw no tears.
She settles down into motherhood like a bird upon a nest
She fluffs her feathers over her baby
And offers him her breast
And he takes it with greed and with vigor
He takes it as his due.

Yesterday I took him after he had nursed
And held him as he slept and I felt myself grow sleepy.
I stretched out on the couch with him on my chest
And we dozed together.
I woke up every few minutes to make sure he was still breathing.
Just as I had with his mother.

My arm fell asleep and so I turned on my side
And tucked his perfect bundle of a body
Right into my side
And we slept some more, my chest,
His chest
Rising and falling together.

When he woke, frantic for more milk
I took him to his mother who was sleeping on her own
Having taken the opportunity to fall into a fierce deepness
She doesn't know the extent of her exhaustion
She woke up and took him
"Don't cry, it's okay,"
She said
As she opened her shirt to him, gave him what he needed

And that child who, minutes before,
Had been asleep in my arms
Acted as if he had never been nursed in his life
Would never, unless he fought with all his strength
Get the titty again.
Ah. But he did and he relaxed into chuffling sucking
And I left them there, that family
They have everything they need

And I drove off, knowing they had shared that bounty
With me
Knowing they had let me hold their fortune
In my arms
For the sweetest nap of my life
Knowing that this is something
I had never known could exist
All paths of love leading to this moment

That moment of bliss
Feeling his small weight on my heart.

I am the grandmother
And on the third day
My milk did not come in
But the tears are ready to spring forth
Every time he cries
Every time he breathes
Every time his heart beats

Hot like fierce life
Tears of everything in my life
Which has led to this moment
Which has led to this life.
This small, sturdy life
So sure of what he needs
So apt to find it in his mother's arms.