Monday, November 11, 2019

Solitude


This morning Liberace spied something on the floor in the hallway and was determined to come in and peck it up. He was giving his tidbitting call to the hens while I was in the next room, sewing on Maggie's dress. I got up to shoo him out and realized that he and the rug made a pretty picture together. I wish I'd gotten one with the sun shining directly through his proud red comb because that was truly spectacular but if there's a way to make a rooster pose I haven't figured it out.

I took a walk this morning and it felt fine. My knee was a little whiny at first but it soon shut up. I spoke to my first human in two days when No Man Lord Guy raised his arms to me the way he does as I passed and I sang out, "Good morning!" He nodded and went about whatever it was he was doing. Hanging jeans on the fence, I think. I included the Post Office in my walk, having forgotten that it was closed on account of Veteran's Day. I'd collected the mail on Saturday so my box was empty.
Oh well.

When I got up this morning I thought about how I should spend my day and I thought, You know what?  I could spend the entire day sewing.
And that is mostly what I did.
I got Maggie's dress almost completely made and will finish it up tomorrow, most likely, and then start on August's and THEN I'll make the pants that go under the dresses. If, that is, I calculated correctly as to yardage. I'm not sure I did. I am not happy at all with my choices in this project. First of all- the pattern is just not that interesting although it does have raglan sleeves which are far easier to sew than regular, it turns out. I'm not thrilled with the material I chose either. I do like the print I got which has llamas on it but the deep forest green I got as the contrast is just a bit dark and weary for a child. 


That makes the green look brown and it isn't brown. Trust me. I would NEVER make a brown garment unless I was forced to. 
August's dress will be mainly the llama print with the green for the sleeves and Maggie will get llama pants and August will get green ones. 
In theory. 
But honestly, it all just looks like messy pajamas to me. 
Oh well. It is very soft fabric and they'll be cute when they wear them together. 
Again. In theory. 
And no one is going to force them to wear these outfits so it's not a big deal.
And I've had a very good day, sitting and sewing and listening to an audio book, not feeling guilty in the least.
I may do the exact same thing tomorrow although I do need to make a run to the grocery store.
I should probably do that just for some human interaction if nothing else. It's a bit worrisome that I'm so content to be by myself. Our culture advises against that sort of thing, especially for those who may suffer from depression or anxiety but quite frankly, I am extremely grateful to have reached an age and a place in my life where I am not bothered at all by solitude. I look back at the most stressful times of my life and realize that I have never really been comfortable in situations where I've been surrounded by lots of people.
There have been exceptions, of course.
But I do wish I'd realized a long time ago that there was nothing wrong with me for not being a social butterfly, for preferring to be in the company of one or two people whom I really loved rather than in a situation where a lot of casual chit-chat was involved. As I've written about before, one of my earliest memories is of a birthday party of mine when after the presents were opened and the cake eaten, I went to my room and shut the door, leaving my guests to continue without my presence. My mother found me and chastised me for being rude and thoughtless (I was probably turning five) and yes, she was right- it IS rude to leave one's own party to go hide away but looking back with the hard-learned knowledge of who I am, it makes perfect sense.

Perhaps tomorrow I'll write about the first and only place I ever lived entirely by myself. I have such an inclination to mate and I started having children at such an early age that it didn't last very long- that solo life.
But I remember it so fondly.

We shall see.

I'm going to go roast some cauliflower now.

Love...Ms. Moon







22 comments:

  1. Nothing wrong with alone time. As Grandpa always said, "You're never alone with schizophrenia.."
    What a cute dress! Maybe add a big pocket with the print? I see a cactus on the print and maybe a small bead one for the bodice? I love to sew.

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    1. I have put small pockets on both dresses and I'll embroider them some.
      I love that part of it.

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  2. I like that color green. And the rooster. Until I enlarged it, I thought a picture of Liberace was on the floor! How many roosters you have had.

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    1. Yes, and I have three right now but they don't seem to be very competitive so they can all stick around. At least for now.

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  3. I like being alone and I like talking to people too. But I do need time by myself to recharge my batteries.

    What a lovely way to spend the day, sewing. Now that's it's cold out I need to start working on my quilts again.

    And I love the rooster!

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    1. Yes. Cold weather is good weather to work on different sorts of needle projects. I wonder if young women know how to do these things anymore. I hope so. I know that knitting was hot for awhile.

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  4. "Weary" is another odd word. It could mean that it is good to "wear" and not tiresome at all. The gold lamé suit hanging in my wardrobe is as "weary" as my red crocodile skin cowboy boots. Regarding solitude, I much prefer walking on my own - comfortable in my own company with my own thoughts. There's no need to be afraid of yourself.

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    1. Oh, I'm not afraid of myself at all. As to walking alone- I am horrified when someone suggests we walk together. I just can't.
      Yes, that suit and those boots definitely sound weary by your definition. I'll pay you ten dollars to pose in them and post them on your blog.

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    2. When I said "There's no need to be afraid of yourself" I was thinking about people in general - not about you in particular.
      P.S. I was lying about the gold suit and the red boots.

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  5. I have never lived alone. moved out of my parents house to college with a roommate, moved back to my parents, moved out to go to school and lived with my boyfriend, then we got married, moved back with my parents after the divorce, moved into my house. oh wait! I lived alone for about 5 or 6 months til my boyfriend moved in though he was there a lot before then and I've lived with him ever since plus two kids. I did really like my six months of living alone though. and one or two days of solitude and no other contact is nothing to worry about. Worry about it when it's been several months.

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    1. I'm not even sure how long I lived by myself but I do know that it wasn't long and yes, my long-distance boyfriend spent a lot of time with me there.
      I'm not worried about my days of solitude. I'm loving it.

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  6. When I was 21 I left England and got a job in Switzerland. Most of the "newbies" shared an apartment but I never wanted that. I always liked "alone", so I got a large studio on my own and loved it. I am, however, quite a social animal but now, at age 61, I'm 10 years divorced and the kids are married so again I live alone. And it doesn't bother me in the slightest. In fact, I will never live with someone ever again. I just couldn't face it. By the way, I think it's lovely the way you talk about your husband. Your love shines through every word you write and I envy you that. I had a bloody awful marriage and I'm so glad to be rid of him, but I do envy you having met the love of your life!

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    1. I'm sorry that you had a terrible marriage. I'm just so damn lucky to have met my husband and that we fell in love. I can't imagine a better man. I can definitely see how living alone for awhile spoils you into never wanting to live with anyone again. I have a girlfriend who says the same- she can't imagine living with another person now.

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  7. At my fifth birthday party I realized I wasn't ready for the resposibility of being so old so I ran away with the cutest girl in white tights. That's all I remember of that age.

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  8. I am an extrovert with an introverted child, and I always need a reminder to make sure I'm giving him the "nothing wrong with that" message. Thank you for that reminder today

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    1. You're welcome! It must be difficult sometimes for you to understand the need of your child to spend time alone but it sure sounds like you try very hard to not only understand but to make him/her more comfortable with being exactly who they are.

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  9. I've never married, but raised two children on my own. Over the years I've cherished time alone. I recall when the oldest was about 11, the youngest just 5, they both went on sleepovers with friends. I was sooooo excited! First thing I did was run a bath, soaked and read in it until the water was cold.

    Enjoy your day!

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  10. you are having a good week! Yay!

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  11. Maggie and August are going to love twinning in their new dresses.

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Tell me, sweeties. Tell me what you think.