Sunday, March 16, 2014

Not At Peace

Ugh. Sunday.
I slept so hard that when I woke up, I was in pain. I don't think I'd moved all night. I had been dreaming that I had to walk somewhere and I just kept saying, "I can't, I can't. I hurt."
I slowly unfolded and managed to get out of bed and realized it was Sunday and that I was not only in pain but in a bad mood but what are you going to do? Put your big mama overalls on and get on with it.
Pancakes have been made and eaten. Baby chicks are back in the outside box. They did not freeze with fright this morning but immediately began to peck at bugs, real and imaginary. Mr. Moon is working on his project and needs to go back to Lowe's for a drill bit. I will not be going with him on this trip.
The wind is blowing in like, sure, why not? a lion. It's going to rain today, possibly, definitely tonight. I will have to keep an eye out to make sure to bring the chicks in before that happens. The wind seems to be blowing in some anxiety too, but manageable. I can sustain life on this level.

I love my community here. Let me just say that. Syd sent me a picture. Here it is.

The woman is a teacher of salsa dance whom Syd and his wife used to take lessons from. The man is someone who needs no introduction.

Then Jucie who is another Tallahassee girl, identified my mystery plant for me. It is the Mahonia Oregon Grape.  And the berries (which are not a true grape) can be eaten. This makes me happy. 

Thank you, Syd. Thank you, Jucie.

Perhaps it is this wind which is making me anxious. I truly think that in a former lifetime I was a sailor and perished in a storm at sea. Wind makes me nervous. Especially if I am near the water. Of course that former lifetime thing could be bunk and this all came about in 1960 when I was six years old and Hurricane Donna ripped through the east coast of Florida and I laid in my bed and watched the wind blow the sturdy cedar trees as if they were merely grasses being flattened and tossed as the rain came down like god's wrath upon the world. 

Red cardinals in pink Japanese magnolia tree. Clashing of colors, they should stick to the camellias where they look like Christmas, scarlet and glossy green much more pleasing to the eye. Of the human eye, at least. The chicks are safe in their sturdy box, the sky has become a sick dull gray, the dog beats out a tattoo on the porch floor as he scratches, scratches, scratches. The wind comes like waves. Water comes in waves, pain comes in waves, sobbing can come in waves, contractions of childbirth come in waves, painful but building up to that moment of delivery-of-life, taking-in of breath, moment of fulfillment of every living dream. 

Storms come and they pass. They may bring destruction or life. Often times, both. 

This is the way of the world in which we live. 

We can huddle down until they pass, we can stride out directly into them, wearing our rubber boots and singing brave foolish sea chanties. Branches crack, leathery magnolia leaves drop, the wind chimes ring out what could be a warning. They sing different songs to the different winds of the seasons. The birds hang on for dear life, clutching swaying branches tightly with their clever feet. 

So do I.


  1. Gorgeous. A death at sea would be enough to make one nervous into many lives after. And the waves, yes. Everything comes and goes. You are made of strong stuff.

  2. There is a joke in town about Bill Murray sitings. He just shows up and hangs out. He has a house on Sullivan's Island which is like Mayberry by the sea. Y. who is with him is a great fun lady. She has quite a following with her salsa classes. We knew her before all of that. And now she has a photo with the Bill.

    Hope your day gets better. Come to Charleston for some Bill sitings.

  3. I meant to say with him in the photo! Not like....with him.

  4. Ms. Vesuvius- Everything DOES come and go which is at once both comforting and very sad.
    I do not know if I am made of strong stuff but so far, it has sustained me, whatever it is.

    Syd- I understood! I think Bill must be an incredibly social creature. I love how in Zombie Land he figured out how to go out and have fun, even in the midst of the zombie invasion. I would love to have a Bill Murray sighting. But I think I might end up feeling stalkery.

  5. Well, you do have some serious weather down in them thar parts. Possibly heading your way?
    As the wind is fearful to you, so to me is the smell of smoke.
    Probably due to a forest fire that was within sight and SMELL of our house when I was a wee lad. Scared the crapola outta me. Still does.
    Button up.
    All grammar mistakes are intentional.

  6. Hey, I was a sailor in another lifetime too (I was told by a reader in my youth) and my husband in this lifetime was my wife in that one and we had many babies. Now he is the one fascinated with life at sea and I suppose I've had my fill. LOL, other lifetimes are fun to contemplate. It's all story, these lives of ours. And yes, I am much better today, thank you.


  7. Love the metaphor, so appropriate.

    I'm sure living through a hurricane, especially as a child, has a lasting effect.

    Have a great day!

  8. Bob- Once when I was a young teenaged girl and staying at a camp in North Carolina in the mountains, we had a horrible thunderstorm and the lightening was cracking everywhere. It hit the cabin next door to me and it appeared that the girl there was hurt. I ran down the path to the lodge to get help and lightening was just striking everything and it took me years to get over my fear of thunderstorms.

    Angella- Perhaps we sailed on the same ships? Anything, they say, is possible. And this is why we "know" each other so very well.

    Mrs. 4444- Hello! Nice of you to come by! Yes. That storm has never left me. I respect hurricanes and their power with every fiber of my being. Still, to this day. I've waited out quite a few by now.

    Elizabeth- Thank-you, sweet woman.

  9. I love the sea and I tolerate the wind and like Tina Turner, I can't stand the rain.
    I fell asleep reading your blog last night, just because I was so damn tired. I then slept for 11 hours. Seriously.


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