Good Lord. It's not yet eleven a.m. even with the time change and Jessie's already on the road, I've taken the dogs to the groomer, thrown out the dying camellias, washed the vases, and done a partial clean-out of the refrigerator.
I feel like I'm so behind on everything.
My baby left. I wrote to Ms. Sarcastic Bastard Beloved this morning that as much as I know my children love me, I always wish that I were a better mother. That I supposed that what I really would like to do is to literally take my heart and hand it to them.
And sometimes it feels that way. As if that would be the only true way they would know just how very much I love them and the word "love" doesn't really cover it because we "love" a TV serious, we "love" sushi, we "love" a song or a book or a new dress.
We have, over the course of time, diminished the power and true meaning of that word a bit.
But when we feel the real thing we know it and it is a powerful and very real manifestation of some sort of current that the world does truly run on.
I believe that. I don't believe I understand it, exactly, or even begin to know the depths of the power of that current, but I can catch glimpses of it, especially when I look into the eyes of my children, my husband, the people whom I do truly love.
That's what I think, anyway.
Light and love, people. Light and love.
Well, those and the constant battle against chaos and entropy which have taken the upper hand here at Chez Moon in Lloyd what with the whirlwind of activity the weekend provided. There are baby chickens to tend to, to clean up after, to feed and water. There is laundry. I need desperately to plant all the firespike which I have had rooting all winter. I've never met a plant that loves to root like firespike. There are camellias still to pick.
It's been so wonderful having Jessie here. Her father and I kept thanking her for coming. We need her sometimes to complete the circle, our lives, our heart-current. Last night we all watched the last episode of this part of the True Detective series and I sat practically on top of Jessie on the couch, holding her so close to me the whole time as if to protect her from the yucky parts and even though she'd never seen any of the episodes, it ended so sweetly that we both cried a little, our faces pressed together. I didn't want to let her go to go to bed.
I just found a bottle of her supplements that she left behind and I texted her with a picture of the bottle and said, "Well, you have to come back home because you left these."
But you know- that girl has a real and true life in Asheville for right now with her good and beloved husband, her doggie, her job which she loves. She will come back to live when it is time and that will be wonderful but for now, I can let her go. She is strong and happy and healthy and capable and living her life.
And in knowing that, I can bear her going away.
All right. I have to get moving and the time has flown and it's going to be noon before I know it.
Happy Monday, y'all.