Monday, March 10, 2014

Hitting The Ground Running. Or At Least Walking Quickly

Good Lord. It's not yet eleven a.m. even with the time change and Jessie's already on the road, I've taken the dogs to the groomer, thrown out the dying camellias, washed the vases, and done a partial clean-out of the refrigerator.
I feel like I'm so behind on everything.

My baby left. I wrote to Ms. Sarcastic Bastard Beloved this morning that as much as I know my children love me, I always wish that I were a better mother. That I supposed that what I really would like to do is to literally take my heart and hand it to them.
And sometimes it feels that way. As if that would be the only true way they would know just how very much I love them and the word "love" doesn't really cover it because we "love" a TV serious, we "love" sushi, we "love" a song or a book or a new dress.
We have, over the course of time, diminished the power and true meaning of that word a bit.
But when we feel the real thing we know it and it is a powerful and very real manifestation of some sort of current that the world does truly run on.
I believe that. I don't believe I understand it, exactly, or even begin to know the depths of the power of that current, but I can catch glimpses of it, especially when I look into the eyes of my children, my husband, the people whom I do truly love.
That's what I think, anyway.

Light and love, people. Light and love.

Well, those and the constant battle against chaos and entropy which have taken the upper hand here at Chez Moon in Lloyd what with the whirlwind of activity the weekend provided. There are baby chickens to tend to, to clean up after, to feed and water. There is laundry. I need desperately to plant all the firespike which I have had rooting all winter. I've never met a plant that loves to root like firespike. There are camellias still to pick.

There is a walk to take in this beautiful spring day where the light filters down through the trees where I live.

It's been so wonderful having Jessie here. Her father and I kept thanking her for coming. We need her sometimes to complete the circle, our lives, our heart-current. Last night we all watched the last episode of this part of the True Detective series and I sat practically on top of Jessie on the couch, holding her so close to me the whole time as if to protect her from the yucky parts and even though she'd never seen any of the episodes, it ended so sweetly that we both cried a little, our faces pressed together. I didn't want to let her go to go to bed.

I just found a bottle of her supplements that she left behind and I texted her with a picture of the bottle and said, "Well, you have to come back home because you left these."

But you know- that girl has a real and true life in Asheville for right now with her good and beloved husband, her doggie, her job which she loves. She will come back to live when it is time and that will be wonderful but for now, I can let her go. She is strong and happy and healthy and capable and living her life.
And in knowing that, I can bear her going away.

All right. I have to get moving and the time has flown and it's going to be noon before I know it.

Happy Monday, y'all.

Love...Ms. Moon


  1. I never understood how much my mom and dad loved me until I had children.

  2. Ah -- such a great post.

    And whenever you write of your love for your children, how much you miss them when they're gone from you, I think more compassionately toward my own mother who complains constantly about how much she hates me being so far from her. Claudia thanks you, I'm sure, for that rare bit of compassion --

  3. One of the most heartbreaking things for me as a daughter is seeing the look on both of my parents' faces when I drive away from them to go back to DC.

  4. I love them so much, the squeezing and releasing of my heart and as we all age, the love expands outward in all directions. I love sushi, I LOVE my children.

  5. Once again there are some connective themes between us. I am struggling to let my kids do their own thing, with one moved out and the other talking about it. And dear God how I'd like to go back and make some changes in what I did raising them.
    It was good to hear your voice in these lines again. I wish I could read your blog at work like the old days.

  6. Chaos and entropy have reigned supreme at my house just about ever since I first got one. When we got the country house and moved I vowed not to let this house get away from me. Ha ha ha ha ha. I'm so funny.

  7. Birdie- I think this is the way it is.

    Elizabeth- Then I have done my job here today. Tee-hee!

    SJ- And yet, I bet you anything, they are so proud to see you fly back to that world which you inhabit. SO proud. I sure as hell would be.

    Beth Coyote- There should be some way to define which sort of love we mean. Our language is a little lacking in that regard.

    Brother Wrecking Ball- I miss you here! But whenever you check in, I am just so glad to see you. I know exactly what you mean as I know that you know exactly what I mean.

    Ellen Abbott- Ah- the new notebook in which we shall never make a blot! The endless and foolish optimism of new beginnings.

  8. Love is powerful. You have great love.


Tell me, sweeties. Tell me what you think.