My husband didn't go to work today as his office is in a bank which of course was closed for Veteran's Day but he was doing his homework this morning to see if the auction he goes to in Orlando had any of the cars he needed for his customers when he figured out that they didn't and that he might as well just head up to Georgia to the hunting camp.
It's Rut Week, or something like that, meaning that the deer are moving, which in human terms would be not unlike Spring Break in Cancun. Does Gone Wild! Bucks jumping off of balconies after doing way too many shots of tequila! Wet T-shirt contests in the forest! Primeval Twerking goin' on, y'all. The moon is right, the temperature is dropping and the deer are horny.
No pun intended, trust me.
So one minute I was thinking that he might be gone for a night and the next minute he's packing up enough camo and...stuff...for a month.
"How long do you think you'll be gone?" I asked him.
"Can we keep that open-ended?" he asked.
What could I say? This is the man who leaves me so many love notes in the mornings in front of the coffee pot that I have cigar boxes overflowing with them. This is the man who gets on his knees to tell me how much he loves me. This is the man who has put up with my particularly spiky form of insanity for thirty years. This is the man who is the grandfather of my grandchildren. This is the man who has supported me in all ways since he met me. This is the man whom I love.
Still, I felt rather abruptly abandoned. I will not lie to you.
As soon as he left, I laid down in the bed. "I have taken to my bed," I texted a friend. I fell asleep almost immediately as if a hard knock-out punch had been delivered. I woke up after just a few moments and laid there breathing so regularly and being so still that a jury of thousands would have judged me to be asleep but somehow even though I was wide awake, I could not bring myself to move a millimeter in any direction. I laid there, I breathed, I wondered what my life means and what in hell I was going to do with myself for the next...open-ended time.
Then I got up and made coffee and started writing something.
I feel better now. And it's not that I mind being alone. Lord, I love being alone. It was just a shock to my system.
Tomorrow I may drive to Monticello. There is a body butter that I seem to only be able to find in the "ethnic" section of the Winn Dixie there which I use in winter. It bills itself as "Organic" although I think in this instance that only means it's carbon-based as the second ingredient in it is mineral oil and it contains many ingredients whose names I cannot pronounce. It is cheap and it smells good and my skin drinks it up. I may go visit the Mexican Import place if it's still open. They have giant tin roosters, six feet tall, and pots shaped like turtles and fishes and shot glasses and a little folk-art carousel made of metal which my grandsons would love and which I would buy first thing on the list if I won the lottery.
I might. I might do those things.
Lon and Lis are playing in Tallahassee tomorrow night. Maybe I'll go see them. Maybe I'll embolden myself enough to shower and put on make-up and heft my hiney into the car and drive to Tallahassee in the dark and listen to them play.
Maybe. It would do my heart good, it would do me good, to do those things.
When I was laying there in the bed today, pretending to be asleep for the jury of thousands, I wished I had the courage and the life-spark enough to simply pick up and pack up and fly to Mexico, get a room at Hotel Pepita and those of you who have been coming here for a few hunting seasons know that this is not a new fantasy.
I just talked to Mr. Moon. He is safely up in Georgia. I have talked to Lily and the boys are safely back from their trip to St. Augustine which they took with their other grandmother today. I have talked to Jessie tonight about everything from cooking pecan-encrusted grouper to acupuncture. I talked to Hank this morning when the Veteran's Day parade was being staged in front of his apartment in downtown Tallahassee and he described what was going on.
"Oh Lord. There's a guy wearing a Civil War hat. He's got a beard and he's old but I'm pretty sure he didn't fight in the Civil War."
I have not talked to May and I miss her but today is her first day off in a week and I do not wish to disturb her as I know she's exhausted. I have a potato and chicken in the oven.
I will probably not be flying to Mexico. Maybe I will keep writing.
I will most definitely keep loving the man who has the need to hunt the deer and I will also see my grandsons this week although Lily just called me to say that Owen has a temperature and since his father has a viral infection of some sort, he obviously has caught it and who knows which of us will catch it next? My sweet little man. I hate that he is sick.
Life just keeps throwing you curve balls.
Much love...Ms. Moon