"Don't you just hate it when you're at a dinner party and the centerpiece is blocking your view?"
From a description of candleholders on Oprah's list of her favorite things for 2013.
Oh god yes. Oh, Oprah. You have absolutely centered and focused on one of my main problems in life. The damn centerpiece that blocks my view at dinner parties. Thank you, Oprah. Once again, you have let us in on the secret of a beautiful life.
24-kt-gold-plated candlestick holders!
Oprah did, of course.
She's also promoting canape and dessert plates, Ugg boots, custom illustrated pillows (the image accompanying that one shows a pillow with an artist's rendering of dog's face on it which is actually pretty scary and I would assume it's one of her beloved canines, originally $395, now 20% off with special Oprah code) and of course, Oprah and her good friend, Deepak's, Meditation Master Trilogy which she claims will "light a path to your most abundant destiny."
Give me a fucking break.
Good morning. It's gray here and the rustling in the leaves sounds ominous, cast as it is in the gloom. If I were Oprah, maybe I'd just slip on a jewel-toned barn coat with fancy embellishments and make a cup of Chai Oolong Tea with my six-different-temperature-settings (because different teas require different temperatures, you know) electric tea kettle and settle back and plan my next dinner party. Or, you know, put one of the Meditation Master Trilogy CD's on and meditate on Desire and Destiny.
Golly, golly, golly.
Well, I ain't gonna do any of that but I do need to take a walk and get some chili in the crockpot (which I bought at the Goodwill) and get ready for the boys to come. I am wearing my dead-man's Levi's, a shirt I got at the Costco and a sweater which I also got at Goodwill and love too much to throw away, despite the holes and bleach stains.
I live on one planet, Ms. Oprah lives on another. And I don't think she has any idea how foolish and weird her "favorite" things list is to most of us. I'm sure that she believes that a set of $300 headphones is just amazingly affordable and that we, as women, deserve all of the things on her list, including the $75 shower gel, and yes, we do, but no, we aren't ordering it although if she invited us to spend the night, I'm sure we'd love to use some of hers. And I'd gladly sleep in a pair of her used organic cotton pajamas. God. Can you imagine how great Oprah's laundry must smell? I bet they make a secret type of laundry detergent and fabric softener just for the Incredibly Wealthy that we ordinary people couldn't get our hands on if we tried.
Well, more power to her. The woman has worked hard and she does good works and I will graciously give her that.
Her favorite things sort of make me want to smack someone.
Not saying who.
Good morning from Lloyd.