Wednesday, November 6, 2013

And Just In Time For Christmas!!!!!!

"Don't you just hate it when you're at a dinner party and the centerpiece is blocking your view?"

From a description of candleholders on Oprah's list of her favorite things for 2013. 

Oh god yes. Oh, Oprah. You have absolutely centered and focused on one of my main problems in life. The damn centerpiece that blocks my view at dinner parties. Thank you, Oprah. Once again, you have let us in on the secret of a beautiful life. 

24-kt-gold-plated candlestick holders! 
Who knew? 
Oprah did, of course. 

She's also promoting canape and dessert plates, Ugg boots, custom illustrated pillows (the image accompanying that one shows a pillow with an artist's rendering of dog's face on it which is actually pretty scary and I would assume it's one of her beloved canines, originally $395, now 20% off with special Oprah code) and of course, Oprah and her good friend, Deepak's, Meditation Master Trilogy which she claims will "light a path to your most abundant destiny."

Give me a fucking break.

Good morning. It's gray here and the rustling in the leaves sounds ominous, cast as it is in the gloom. If I were Oprah, maybe I'd just slip on a jewel-toned barn coat with fancy embellishments and make a cup of Chai Oolong Tea with my six-different-temperature-settings (because different teas require different temperatures, you know) electric tea kettle and settle back and plan my next dinner party. Or, you know, put one of the Meditation Master Trilogy CD's on and meditate on Desire and Destiny. 

Golly, golly, golly. 

Well, I ain't gonna do any of that but I do need to take a walk and get some chili in the crockpot (which I bought at the Goodwill) and get ready for the boys to come. I am wearing my dead-man's Levi's, a shirt I got at the Costco and a sweater which I also got at Goodwill and love too much to throw away, despite the holes and bleach stains. 

I live on one planet, Ms. Oprah lives on another. And I don't think she has any idea how foolish and weird her "favorite" things list is to most of us. I'm sure that she believes that a set of $300 headphones is just amazingly affordable and that we, as women, deserve all of the things on her list, including the $75 shower gel, and yes, we do, but no, we aren't ordering it although if she invited us to spend the night, I'm sure we'd love to use some of hers. And I'd gladly sleep in a pair of her used organic cotton pajamas. God. Can you imagine how great Oprah's laundry must smell? I bet they make a secret type of laundry detergent and fabric softener just for the Incredibly Wealthy that we ordinary people couldn't get our hands on if we tried. 

Well, more power to her. The woman has worked hard and she does good works and I will graciously give her that. 


Her favorite things sort of make me want to smack someone. 

Not saying who.

Good morning from Lloyd.

Love...Ms. Moon


  1. "Oh God yes. Oh, Oprah." -- laughed right out loud at my desk. I needed that. Thank you!

  2. Things I can do without might be how I would title that list of stuff. What do I hate at dinner parties more than centerpieces I can't see over? People talking about these crazy things that they think they must have. Of course.....I think I must have another kayak....

  3. Oh yes, those that have. I often wonder what people with truck loads of money spend it on. Now I know. I don't begrudge her a penny of what she has. she created that wealth, didn't inherit it, but she still gets snubbed in fancy stores for being black. some things just don't change.

  4. I hate how difficult it is to hate Oprah.

  5. I don't get it. Though I do not buy her magazines I see the covers in the stores and they are usually about decluttering. Buy stuff. Declutter. Buy stuff. Declutter.

  6. "Give me a fucking break" is right.

  7. I bet her undie stank is like the rest of us ... although she wouldn't know it because she has people who will take care of such things

  8. I think we know who you want to smack (or maybe I'm projecting here). Ha!

  9. That favorite things list is ridiculous if it is for us but it is her platform and she can shine the light on what she wants. Not that she is in need of anything tangible but do you think she is sent those things by highlighting them? Or maybe the Martha types can do their best to copy the Oprah favorites at TJ Maxx or Marshall's or Ross. Who knows. Who cares. I am over most things. Sweet Jo

  10. I think we dodged a bullet by never really taking to Oprah over here (I don't think her shows were ever aired) but I at least know she's insanely rich.

    It makes me wonder whether those people are any happier with those things? I mean, we can strive towards things as there is a lot to strive for but rich people almost have to invent things to strive for as they literally have EVERYTHING.

    Yes, that includes see-through candle holders. Praise Jesus.

  11. HAhAHahahahHAHAHAHAhahahahaha.

    Though I love my Uggs. I am almost ashamed how much I love them. Almost.


  12. Most things admired or created by Martha Stewart make me want to smack someone. I'm not saying whom either.

  13. Sigh. Oh, Oprah indeed.

    I don't want those things, but I do indeed yearn for Nice Stuff. And yes, my home is insanely cluttered.

  14. SJ- You are welcome!

    Denise- Another kayak is a tool for adventure. Not a freaking $75 bottle of shower gel.
    I wouldn't mind those boots. They look warm.

    Ellen Abbott- This is true.

    Elizabeth- Hahahaha!

    Ms. Yo- I'll second (or third?) that.

    Ms. Vesuvius- Ah- another Christmas hater. Come sit be me and we shall weep quietly.

    Birdie- Excellent point!

    Bob- On my planet, at least.

    Rachel- I was wondering if the Incredibly Wealthy even rewear their underwear and pajamas.

    The Bug- Yeah. I think you know.

    Sweet Jo- I am confused by her delight in such consumerism. I honestly don't get it.

    Wayne- Hey! You could probably use some of those candleholders for your holiday dinner parties. Am I right?

    Madame Rebecca- Yes. Those Uggs I would take.

    Mama D- Martha would probably smack you right back. I'm a little afraid of her.

    Jo- If we all quit buying crap, we could afford some nice things. Well, that's a theory.

  15. Oh dear Lord. Oprah and her life advice just makes me tired these days. I tried to get on her happy self improvement bandwagon, but we are on different journeys. And I imagine that if I were a multi-millionaire, I'd still have the sense not to pay 75-95 dollars for body wash -excuse me - cream. I almost yakked up my dinner a little.
    I sell the ingredients to make those products, including the fragrances. The high end price for that stuff is criminal. Reminds me of the apple app I read about this week, sold for 995.00 and all it did was glow a little red light and have a message that you could afford to but a useless expensive app. People actually bought it, some thinking it was a joke.
    Oprah's stuff is no joke, it's all very shiny and lovely, but seriously, who has that kind of money to throw around on extravagant clutter?
    I will always remember though, oprah convincing me that when you have enough money you owe it to yourself to buy nice towels and sheets, but I got mine at a huge discount!
    Thanks for making me laugh tonight.

  16. I've had a love/hate relationship with Oprah for years. I used to be a disciple until that whole James Frey thing. I chose sides and it wasn't hers. I remember once, she was on her show talking about women needing to do something nice for themselves and she was shocked, Shocked, SHOCKED that this woman, who was a single mother, could not afford a $7 manicure. She's out of touch with how regular folks live.

  17. We have a wealthy friend who also lives on a different planet. The family jet to take them to shop in Miami or Atlanta. The people scurrying about the house and yard to put in a garden to make it look as if she gardened. I get weary of it and she isn't really among the ultra rich like Oprah. She is just rich. Oh well...I like what Fitzgerald wrote: "Let me tell you about the very rich. They are different from you and me. They possess and enjoy early, and it does something to them, makes them soft, where we are hard, cynical where we are trustful, in a way that, unless you were born rich, it is very difficult to understand."

  18. Mel- I do approve of trying to buy the best you can when it comes to things you use every day. Towels and sheets, yes. And also cookware if you really cook. But yeah, that body wash stuff was just too much. I don't even like body wash. I like soap.

    heartinhand- She ripped it for me when she started touting The Secret. What a bunch of crap.

    Syd- Yes. Perfect quote. Perfect.

  19. Yeah, she sounds rather disconnected. I think a lot of that stuff is "aspirational," as they say. She doesn't expect anyone to really buy it. (I could be wrong.)

    How did I get so far behind on your blog?!


Tell me, sweeties. Tell me what you think.