Just back from a steamy, sweaty walk into the woodlands and bowels of Lloyd and it was one of those days where I had to do a sort of astral projection to make myself constantly put one foot in front of the other. Y'all, it's hot and humid. Both. I had my CD Walkman (hey! at least I've moved on from the Walkman tape player ) and it wasn't playing properly and the story I was listening to wasn't that good anyway so I took my headphones out and put them into my iPhone plug and tuned in last Saturday's Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me by way of my local NPR station app because I'd really wanted to hear it as it was taped in Asheville but I was babysitting Gibson and missed it. Sorry about the tortured sentence.
I just can't believe technology sometimes. Here's this tiny device and with it on my walk I can take pictures of cool stuff if I want to, track my walk via a pedometer app and also listen to a great NPR show. Of course I could check my e-mail and get and send messages if I wanted to as well but if I'm able to do that shit I'm not walking as intently as I should be and that's all there is to it. I also have the ability to pull up the local radar if the sky looks threatening and I could probably find out what the special at the truck stop Subway is if I really wanted to which I do not. But. If I wanted to, I could! I could also Facetime someone while I was walking but again- if I can walk and do something like that, it's not really a walk in my opinion.
I sure as hell wish Apple would offer to send me one of THEIR products to review but they don't, dammit. And they never will. Bugger all.
I'm feeling incredibly fat and bulky and thick and ungainly and unlithe-like today. I read this story online (not while I was walking) about a woman who lost 183 fucking pounds by giving up processed food snacks. I hate stories like that. Yeah, sure. I had a small bag of some sort of Wheat Thins while I was on the road last week and yes, I also had a few cheese crackers but I didn't even eat all six of them and that was big sinnin' for me. I don't drink sodas, I do almost all of our cooking from scratch, and I never eat fast food. Okay. Maybe once every two years or so I'll go to Hardees. Maybe. More like once every four years.
I should weigh fifty.
Not really. I eat bread and I've gotten pretty lazy about my fat consumption. My healthy fat consumption, of course!
My dinner last night was unbelievably delicious. I cooked tomatoes and onions and garlic and peppers and that eggplant and threw in some capers and let it all cook down into a sauce and added some baby greens in at the end and had it over some pasta. Whole wheat pasta. Of course. What'd you think? I'd eat the white stuff? And yes, I had bread. It was awesome. But I put a little bit of mozzarella over the pasta and if I was really being All Healthy And Shit, I wouldn't do that.
I should probably use my incredibly smart phone to do one of the weight-loss apps but I can't deal with that much organization in my life. I know what to do to lose weight. I just don't want to do it. But every time I read one of those How I Lost Five Hundred Pounds By Giving Up Taco Bell stories I sort of want to punch someone.
Oh well. Life goes on.
I've got a few errands in town to run and so I shall do that. May has informed me that according to Matt's smartphone, it would only take five hours to walk from Tallahassee to Lloyd and vice versa. I'm thinking about that today. If I walked everywhere I would be really skinny. Either that or I wouldn't go anywhere and then I'd starve to death because there's nowhere to buy groceries around here although I suppose Mr. Moon would bring me a few morsels now and then.
All right. Here's your laugh for the day. You've probably seen it. Nice music, though.
Let's all have a good day and eat healthy and use our technology in fun and delightful ways.
And wear condoms.