Tuesday, August 6, 2013

My Theme Lately Is No Theme

Just back from a steamy, sweaty walk into the woodlands and bowels of Lloyd and it was one of those days where I had to do a sort of astral projection to make myself constantly put one foot in front of the other. Y'all, it's hot and humid. Both. I had my CD Walkman (hey! at least I've moved on from the Walkman tape player ) and it wasn't playing properly and the story I was listening to wasn't that good anyway so I took my headphones out and put them into my iPhone plug and tuned in last Saturday's Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me by way of my local NPR station app because I'd really wanted to hear it as it was taped in Asheville but I was babysitting Gibson and missed it. Sorry about the tortured sentence.

I just can't believe technology sometimes. Here's this tiny device and with it on my walk I can take pictures of cool stuff if I want to, track my walk via a pedometer app and also listen to a great NPR show. Of course I could check my e-mail and get and send messages if I wanted to as well but if I'm able to do that shit I'm not walking as intently as I should be and that's all there is to it. I also have the ability to pull up the local radar if the sky looks threatening and I could probably find out what the special at the truck stop Subway is if I really wanted to which I do not. But. If I wanted to, I could! I could also Facetime someone while I was walking but again- if I can walk and do something like that, it's not really a walk in my opinion.

I sure as hell wish Apple would offer to send me one of THEIR products to review but they don't, dammit. And they never will. Bugger all.

I'm feeling incredibly fat and bulky and thick and ungainly and unlithe-like today. I read this story online (not while I was walking) about a woman who lost 183 fucking pounds by giving up processed food snacks. I hate stories like that. Yeah, sure. I had a small bag of some sort of Wheat Thins while I was on the road last week and yes, I also had a few cheese crackers but I didn't even eat all six of them and that was big sinnin' for me. I don't drink sodas, I do almost all of our cooking from scratch, and I never eat fast food. Okay. Maybe once every two years or so I'll go to Hardees. Maybe. More like once every four years.
I should weigh fifty.
Not really. I eat bread and I've gotten pretty lazy about my fat consumption. My healthy fat consumption, of course!
My dinner last night was unbelievably delicious. I cooked tomatoes and onions and garlic and peppers and that eggplant and threw in some capers and let it all cook down into a sauce and added some baby greens in at the end and had it over some pasta. Whole wheat pasta. Of course. What'd you think? I'd eat the white stuff? And yes, I had bread. It was awesome. But I put a little bit of mozzarella over the pasta and if I was really being All Healthy And Shit, I wouldn't do that.
I should probably use my incredibly smart phone to do one of the weight-loss apps but I can't deal with that much organization in my life. I know what to do to lose weight. I just don't want to do it. But every time I read one of those How I Lost Five Hundred Pounds By Giving Up Taco Bell stories I sort of want to punch someone.

Oh well. Life goes on.

I've got a few errands in town to run and so I shall do that. May has informed me that according to Matt's smartphone, it would only take five hours to walk from Tallahassee to Lloyd and vice versa. I'm thinking about that today. If I walked everywhere I would be really skinny. Either that or I wouldn't go anywhere and then I'd starve to death because there's nowhere to buy groceries around here although I suppose Mr. Moon would bring me a few morsels now and then.

All right. Here's your laugh for the day. You've probably seen it. Nice music, though.

Let's all have a good day and eat healthy and use our technology in fun and delightful ways.
And wear condoms.



Love...Ms. Moon


  1. Elizabeth- NO! A thousand times NO! I like to chew too much.

  2. I'm one of those people who doesn't gain weight. Been skinny all my life. Just don't get hungry all that much. And you know what I got out of it? Osteoporosis, that's what. Had to purposely put on 20 pounds to just be normal. And it all wants to sit around my waist. What's up with that?

  3. K, so I have lost 103 pounds. I have not given up Del Taco (their regular crunchy tacos are very reasonable calorie-wise and I just get 2). I would eat your veggies with cheese and no pasta but I'm not low-carbing. Punch me next time your in California :P

  4. Ellen Abbott- I have a friend who is just skeletal. He always has been and he's been accused of being a junkie and all sorts of horrible stuff. So- yeah- nothing's perfect.

    Stephanie- DAMN GIRL! I knew you'd lost weight but 103 pounds?? That is just amazing and awesome and I am so proud of you. I don't even know if we have Del Taco around here. But guess what? I am never going to punch you. Ever. I'd hug you though.

  5. I was worried last night that I wouldn't have another poem if I was called on stage to do another ... and then I remembered I had a bunch of poems on my blog and I had my phone which was instant access to my blog and POOF I was suddenly TOTALLY prepared for anything. *POOF*

    I think food is one of the world's gifts - good food that is - amazing meals and all the joy that comes along with them. I would hate to give those up. The Italians do it, don't they?

  6. I'm glad you're walking, even in the hot moistness of it all. I am sort of (let's say mildly) curious about the fasting diet because even on fasting days you still get to eat, from what I understand. I'm not a really good cook like you are, though, so my sacrifices would not be as great. As for technology, I do not have an iPhone, but have plenty of other wizardry and am amazed by it all. My digital camera from 2004 still blows my mind.

  7. I just gathered up a stack of clothing into which I will never fit again; despite the fact that I bicycle 80 miles a week or so, and walk on the off days. Right around age 57, things just migrated to the middle and they refuse to budge. So aggravating.

  8. I'd like a few organic green onion potato chips.

  9. Rachel- I'm as proud of you as a mother would be. Food. God. I'm obsessed.

    Andrea- Yeah, me too but...I don't think I could do it. Maybe. My old camera still blows me away too and I don't even really know how to use it.

    Allison- Sigh. Yes. I know.

    A- Who wouldn't? Ha!

  10. "The bowels of Lloyd." Now THERE's an image.

    The thing about that junk food comment is that even though it's so annoying, for many people it really IS true. I am convinced that if we could eliminate our national addiction to fast food, prepared food and snacks, our collective weight problem would plummet. I gave up sodas, fast food, snack food and all the rest when I was in my 20s and except for occasional nibbles here and there, I haven't looked back.

    Having said that, I know it doesn't work the same way and with the same effectiveness for everyone. From the way you describe your eating and your exercise, you lead an exemplary dietary life! If only everyone cooked as well and ate as much produce as you!

  11. I think that we are genetically programmed because my wife says that she was always a size 10 and not a size 4 ever. She could not be a size 4 now if she tried and starved--well, maybe, but having seen what not eating does to the body with my parents in law, I guess I'll just eat healthily and hope to stay that way. One of these days as we get really old and live long enough, I think we will lose the fascination with eating.


Tell me, sweeties. Tell me what you think.