Monday, August 12, 2013

And This, Too, Is Summer

It never did rain and so it never cooled and so it is hot and my walk was a blink, an exercise in removing my mind from my body, step, step, step. I think if you cut my head off, I'd be like a chicken and I'd keep moving, walking, my muscles completely capable of going it alone.

It's as green as the Emerald City here, it's buzzy with crickets, it's a symphony of them, all parts being played to cosmic perfection, the soaring choral parts, the percussion steady and true, rising, falling, and who directs this orchestra? Who stands on the podium, arms outstretched, and how far across the land do the musicians play?
Well, I guess the sun is the conductor and the heat although it almost seems as if the heat is part of it, or rather, that the buzzing, soaring is part of the heat.

No. I'm not making sense. I'm not in a sense-making place.

I want to be by the water.

I want to be completely mindless or is it mind-full? I don't know but I want my mind to be empty of anything but sky and water. That's all. I'm sick of the news and drones and the NSA and what some fucking laptop celebrity thinks of another and I'm sickened by all the effects of global warming and I know in my gut this planet is not going to survive as we know it unless something is done immediately to reverse that course and that's not going to happen.

What I am mostly sick of, of course, is myself and I get to this place fairly frequently.

I dreamed I was back in nursing school and I was filling out forms with my red pen, I was not sure where classes were to be held, I was living in a strange apartment which was dull brown and sad. Keith Richards drove by, the young Keith. He smiled at me sweetly with his bad, broken teeth from the top of the bus where he was riding, he went on by, I heard young girls begin to scream with celebripassion and its painful joy. I wondered if the bus would come back around the block. I hoped so.


  1. I dreamed that my house was being broken into -- a man was outside and said "You know I can see you." Woke up. Then dreamed it again.

    I'm sick of everything too. My work is consuming me. I need it to stop.

  2. Well all I know is that the orchestra is definitely in full swing in Ohio! What. a. racket!

    I had a nice moment at 2 a.m. this morning outside looking (unsuccessfully) for meteors.

  3. I hope The Keith Bus comes back around for you today.

  4. It appears that you're in as weird a mood as I am, and there's definite comfort in that. I'd take a spoonful of mindlessness as well -- and definitely yes to the water.

    Maybe Malibu today?

  5. The sun as conductor. Yes.

    I know it's time to turn on the AC when the cicadas tell me it is.

  6. SJ- Dang. I would so much rather dream about Keith Richards. That had to suck.

    The Bug- I commend you for trying. I'm always too lazy to get up and go outside.

    Lisa- So far, nothing. Damn.

    Elizabeth- Stop it! Malibu? I hope you got to the beach.

    Stephanie- And they sure as hell will tell you when it's time.

  7. I think you would like this book I read by Ruth Ozeki called A Tale for The Time Being. One of the characters is an anarchist feminist buddhist nun named Old Jinko, and she would say: Mindful, mindless, same thing. Sense, no sense, same thing.

  8. Sometimes the news just gets overwhelming. I was reading Harper's yesterday and there was an article about our declining fisheries, and I just threw the whole damn magazine in the trash. I know the fisheries are declining, and I just can't stand to read about it. I can't.

  9. Heading out on the water tomorrow. The mountains were beautiful but the water is where I feel most at home.


Tell me, sweeties. Tell me what you think.