2. Any fucking person who leaves me a voice mail with a name and a call-back number that I have to listen to at least three times to get because the caller is saying them so quickly or not clearly enough obviously doesn't really give a shit if I call them back or not.
3. All those goddam LED lights on every fucking appliance and electrical device in the world? STOP IT! I pretty much know the fan's on if air is blowing from it. I don't need a light on top of it that would double for an alien-landing light to tell me it's on. Okay? In my room I have to deal with LED lights from the fan, the router, the VCR (even if it's not on, I swear and yes, it's a VCR), and a battery back-up power strip which, for some reason has enough lights on it to mimic a miniaturized version of Las Vegas. I like to sleep in the dark for some reason. Maybe because I am a human who has evolved that way?
4. Just because you use the words "Trooper" or "Police" or "Veterans" in your phone call to solicit money doesn't make me want to send you any. I promise. And I WILL hang up on you.
5. I have no idea why but I still like the song "Brown Sugar." I suppose I really have lost my mind.
6. Ants can get into a capped jar of peanut butter to the extent that when the lid is removed, it's like a horror movie in there. No. Really.
7. You can be so tired that you think you'll die and your grandson can spill his orange juice and it somehow manages to get into the silverware drawer and your other grandson can poke you in the eye and they can go for eight hours without a nap and one of them poop twice and the other once and you can still end up being charmed to an unbelievable degree.
Here's Gibson when he finally did fall asleep.
And here's Owen looking at the world through my glasses.
Today he was very much into pretending and at one point, he pretended he was Gibson's father. Gibson was riding the rocking horse and Owen said, "Great job, son! I so proud of you!"
You know what that says to me? That his daddy is a very, very fine daddy. In fact, everything those boys do is a reflection of the parenting they get, whether it's the way Owen and Gibson hug and kiss each other or the fact that Gibson's first phrase is, "I love you."
And nothing in the world could make me happier.
8. If you really want to get a grandson to pick up his toys, throw his grandfather under the bus. "Boppy will be so upset if you don't pick up the toys. He told me last night that he knows you can do it and that he wants you to."
For some reason, in my house at least, this works. Or it did today. After Owen picked up all the toys I hugged him and said, "I'm really proud of you." He hugged me back and said, "I proud of you."
We're all pretty proud of each other around here, obviously.
9. If there's a happier flower than the zinnia, I've never met it.
10. I think the very best thing about teletransportation would be that you could travel anywhere in the entire world (maybe the universe!) and never have to poop in any potty but you're own, no matter what. Think about it- you're in Paris or Berlin or Istanbul and you need to poop and you're in a restaurant and you hate pooping in public bathrooms. You could just excuse yourself, teletransport home, dash in, use your own bathroom and teletransport back before anyone really noticed you were gone.
I vetted this idea to Mr. Moon and he agreed that this would be pretty cool but, as he pointed out, there would probably be a fee involved in this sort of travel.
There's always a fly in the ointment.
Or ants in the peanut butter.
Let's all get some sleep tonight, okay?