Of course one of the errands I needed to run in town required a receipt which I did not have but which is in the possession of my husband who is out of town and so I only went to the library and then to the grocery store. I went to our branch library and it's a beautiful thing with soaring ceilings and windows everywhere but somewhat limited in book-selection and I was inner-bitching about that as I browsed the stacks and then I thought Oh, shut-up, Mary. Even if you only read the GOOD books in this building it would take you more than the rest of your life.
And it's true.
I'm such a whiny thing sometimes. And I'm old enough to know better than that. I'm just feeling twitchy and bitchy. I went out and picked green beans and they're still coming in and I'm no Mormon housewife, I don't want to can or freeze. And it's so hot and the leaves of the bean plants are itchy and they stick to you like velcro and let's not even discuss the mosquitoes.
I bought healthy shit at the grocery store today. Dried beans and salad stuff and fruit and some tofu and fat-free cottage cheese and I was SO hungry when I got home, even though I'd already had a yogurt and almonds and some leftovers for lunch. I ate some cottage cheese and a peach and some blueberries and yeah, it was great. I would much rather have had a ham sandwich. Or better yet- a Cuban sandwich but I know I've hit dietary bottom when I start eating those, right from the deli, cold and delicious with that nasty processed Swiss cheese and the pickles and the pork and the white Cuban roll and oh shut-up, shut-up, shut up.
Well, Mr. Moon is on his way home and I need to try and cheer up a little before he gets here. He's such a good man and he doesn't deserve to come in off the road after a fourteen-hour-day-so-far to find a wife in a bad mood. I wish it would rain. The weather app says there's a 60% chance but it doesn't feel like it will. I miss those everyday rains we were having, the way the air would suddenly get cool and the wind would begin to toss the leaves around and the sky would split with thunder and lightening and then the rain would come and curtain my world with the downpour.
I wish a lot of things and most of them about myself personally, that I had more discipline, that I'd taken more risks in my life, that I'd be more outgoing instead of such a fucking recluse, that I had believed in myself more, that I wasn't such a crazy person when it comes to the telephone and doctors and so forth. You know. The regular junk. But it is what it is, I am who I am, and rain will come again and I'll manage to do what I have to do, somehow, someway, or learn to live with the results of not doing it.
That's enough of that.
Be well, y'all. Be well.