Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Evening Report And Vast Regrets

Of course one of the errands I needed to run in town required a receipt which I did not have but which is in the possession of my husband who is out of town and so I only went to the library and then to the grocery store. I went to our branch library and it's a beautiful thing with soaring ceilings and windows everywhere but somewhat limited in book-selection and I was inner-bitching about that as I browsed the stacks and then I thought Oh, shut-up, Mary. Even if you only read the GOOD books in this building it would take you more than the rest of your life.
And it's true.
I'm such a whiny thing sometimes. And I'm old enough to know better than that. I'm just feeling twitchy and bitchy. I went out and picked green beans and they're still coming in and I'm no Mormon housewife, I don't want to can or freeze. And it's so hot and the leaves of the bean plants are  itchy and they stick to you like velcro and let's not even discuss the mosquitoes.

I bought healthy shit at the grocery store today. Dried beans and salad stuff and fruit and some tofu and fat-free cottage cheese and I was SO hungry when I got home, even though I'd already had a yogurt and almonds and some leftovers for lunch. I ate some cottage cheese and a peach and some blueberries and yeah, it was great. I would much rather have had a ham sandwich. Or better yet- a Cuban sandwich but I know I've hit dietary bottom when I start eating those, right from the deli, cold and delicious with that nasty processed Swiss cheese and the pickles and the pork and the white Cuban roll and oh shut-up, shut-up, shut up.

Well, Mr. Moon is on his way home and I need to try and cheer up a little before he gets here. He's such a good man and he doesn't deserve to come in off the road after a fourteen-hour-day-so-far to find a wife in a bad mood. I wish it would rain. The weather app says there's a 60% chance but it doesn't feel like it will. I miss those everyday rains we were having, the way the air would suddenly get cool and the wind would begin to toss the leaves around and the sky would split with thunder and lightening and then the rain would come and curtain my world with the downpour.

I wish a lot of things and most of them about myself personally, that I had more discipline, that I'd taken more risks in my life, that I'd be more outgoing instead of such a fucking recluse, that I had believed in myself more, that I wasn't such a crazy person when it comes to the telephone and doctors and so forth. You know. The regular junk. But it is what it is, I am who I am, and rain will come again and I'll manage to do what I have to do, somehow, someway, or learn to live with the results of not doing it.

That's enough of that.

Be well, y'all. Be well.


  1. A rainy night snuggled up in bed with a good man sounds like paradise.Or a not-rainy night...
    I know what you mean about the whining. Arrrggghh. Why do we do it? No whining--even inside my head--for the rest of the night. And it's only 5 p.m. here.

  2. Yes. I know. This was me yesterday. Twitchy, bitchy and itchy. Tomorrow will be here soon, dear one. And before that, Mr Moon. Hugs.

  3. Sheesh-your post is like my post. Weird....(cue scary music, woo-ee-woo)

    I know, baby. Sometimes it just be'es this way.

    Or as an old lady said to Anne LaMott: "leave his lay where Jesus flang him."

    I'm gonna flang myself in the lake and pray for rain.

    XXX B

  4. leave him lay where jesus flang him.

  5. Never forget what the great prophet Popeye said, "I yam what I yam and that's all that I yam."

  6. You are so normal and I think your sharing all parts of yourself so openly makes you so very lovable. I hope you had a good reunion with Mr Moon. I hope it rains for you. Whiny is just fine sometimes. Sweet Jo

  7. "Leave him lay where Jesus flang him." I love that!

    We are all who and what we are, inescapably. Having said that, there's certainly nothing wrong with wanting a better selection at your local library and not wanting to can beans!

    (A cold Cuban sandwich?! I thought they had to be hot and pressed by definition?)

  8. I saw a thing that made me sad - 'Daughter, never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be'. I did, though.

  9. Denise- Sometimes we just HAVE to whine. That's all there is to it. Otherwise we might explode.

    Angella- And you were exactly right.

    Beth Coyote- You know, the first time I ever heard the word "flang" (or read it, anyway) was in that Keith Richards book. Now I love it.

    Lulumarie- That is my personal motto.

    Sweet Jo- I am normal. Well. Okay. In many ways. And you're sweet!

    Steve Reed- You are right. I have no pride. I will eat them "raw" and cold.

    Jo- Now THAT is some good advice.

  10. I think that we can push our boundaries and change. But I only speak for myself and how I am able to push a bit when I feel happy and self-confident. And sometimes I push myself even when I am not any of those things.


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