Friday, October 21, 2016

Oh, My Heart!

It has simply been a most beautiful day. The air has been moving, the earth breathing, bringing us drier, cooler weather, the sky so blue, everything sharper and clearer than in months. We had such a good time at the Greek food festival. We ate good things and we ended up sharing a table with my ex- and his wife who were there with their granddaughter and she and Owen and Gibson played on the church playground together and they would run back to the table for another bite, to ask again for us to explain how they are all related which is difficult, but also easy, in a way.
I have said it countless times and I will say it again- one of the blessings of my life is that these people are part of my family. We share an easy comfort together, we are friends and there is true affection among us all.

The festival was heavily attended but it is a smallish thing and we all felt comfortable and never crowded. There were things to look at for sale and there was Greek dancing and Greek music and there was face painting.

"Oh Mer! Please!" 
What are grandmothers for but to pay for face-painting? Gibson was concentrating so hard to stay still, to keep his eyes shut when they were supposed to be shut, to not touch the paint and ruin it. He did a good job. 

Hank recently gave Owen an old leather satchel he'd come into possession of, something that looks as if it had been used in the military and it has places in it for notebooks, for pens, for scissors, for pencils. I bought a notebook and some markers and colored pencils for Owen to carry in it and he brought it today and spent a good deal of time sketching. 

He is suddenly looking so much older to me. Today he resembled some hipster artist and I can see him pushing the physical bounds of his existence, dashing off to the great consternation of his mother and his grandmother, to explore on his own. WHY must the inevitable trip from nest to world start so early? So persistently? 
Because it must. 
Wings do not develop suddenly and on their own. They grow, they are tested, they become stronger. And this is the reason we have children. We are raising them to be their own people, adults who can survive and thrive in this world but it's so easy to forget that, to be distressed, even, about it when just about two blinks and a nap ago they looked like this.

And even those two babes spent half their time on the ground crawling away from their mamas to explore what looked to be like someone else's juice box or snacks or simply something of interest. They crawl away, we scoop them up and bring them back, they are content for a moment or two and then away they go again. 

After we had spent all the time we needed to spend at the festival, we left for the Costco and on our way there, Gibson, who was at that moment eating bites of delicious Greek desserts, asked if he could get samples at Costco. 
"Yes," his mother told him. "You can."
"Oh, good," he sighed with contented anticipation. "Those samples are so good."

And samples were sampled and Owen collected his, as he does, to save for the drive home and the coldy room was cold and made Maggie grin and we looked at the toys and I didn't buy one thing, having already been this week and I'm not sure why, but we always have such a good time at the Costco. 
Samples probably have a lot to do with that. 

And so- that was my day. So simple and so easy and when I got home I texted Jessie and Lily and thanked them for sharing their lives with me. It truly is one of the most amazing things to me that my children all live nearby and that we do things together and that I can be a part of their lives, my grandchildren's lives. When Maggie or August hold their arms out to me, I melt and I reach for them and I hold them against me and pat their little backs or tummys and nuzzle them and pretend-bite them and it's like a distillation of the love I felt for their mothers when they were babies, but with so few of the real responsibilities, simple joy left in the sweetness of the brew. Same with these older boys as they hug me, talk to me, tell me things, listen to me tell them things, show me things, share with me whatever they want to share. 
It's a fucking miracle is what it is. 

So here I am in Lloyd and the chickens are settling themselves into the roost. I can hear their twittering as they settle into their sleeping arrangements. 
And, as if on cue, Jessie sends me this.

Oh Lord. There will soon be no stopping him and thus, here we go.
Those little drunken sailor steps will turn into more confident ones and those legs- oh god! Where will those legs take him in his amazing life?

Away and back, as they are supposed to do.

I am so grateful for this day, for this life, for these moments and for this ability to mark them down, to say this happened on this day and for this moment, it was everything it was meant to be. 

All love...Ms. Moon


  1. And that it was caught on video! Indeed what a wonderful day. Congratulations August!!

    1. I know! I think I love the reactions of Jessie and Vergil as much as I love the steps August is taking.

  2. Go August! And I'm very glad Owen is enjoying his satchel.

  3. August walking! That brought tears to my eyes. So wonderful!

    1. I know! We are watching him grow up, right here. It amazes me.

  4. Oh my gosh, I loved the video of August walking. So sweet!

  5. It looks and sounds like a beautiful day !
    Loved the video...go August !

  6. I loved this. Owen the hipster artist with his very cool satchel, August walking, the babies and Gibson. Yes it is a beautiful life and even more so because you know it, you're present for it.

    1. As much as I can be, I am. Because not to be present would be a sin of some sort.

  7. Hi Mary, I've been reading for quite some time but haven't commented before : just wanted to say thank you for your blog, especially for this beautiful post. I'm a mum to five grown ups with no grandchildren yet and I adore reading about your family and hearing about your lives and relationships, here in the U.K. You seem so much wiser than I and often express so eloquently the things I know and feel but have never put into words so, thank you once again. I'm glad you all had such a lovely day Blods x

    1. Oh, Blods! Thank you. But please- let me state without equivocation- I am not wise. I am But you are so sweet to say that and thank you for being here.

  8. Little bit teary at being privileged enough to see August walk! Go August! And that picture of Maggie holding up her hands - an old soul, that one :)

    Thank YOU for sharing your family's life with us.

    I've met several people who firmly believe that once you've split up with someone you should never really see them again, or talk to them. It's a view I find weird, I think it's an odd sign if a friendship can't endure beyond a relationship (not that they must, of course there are plenty of relationships that need escaping from or growing out of) but it makes sense to me to retain something of what drew you into it in the first place.

    1. Maggie is such a precious little woman baby. She is simply adore-able.
      I think you put it very well as to why people can eventually be friends after a split up. And if it's possible, well, we all need all of the community and family we can get, don't we? And that is what I feel with that part of my family- no longer married but definitely still related.

  9. Owen DOES look so much older in that picture. Maybe it's just the picture. (Probably not!) I'm sure it's bittersweet to see the kids grow up. Wait until they're all rebellious teenagers!


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