Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Yes, Danielle, You CAN See Through This Guy's Wings

Guess what? It's hot. Haha! And guess what else?
It's humid!

But that's okay. I'm sitting here drinking my smoothie and I've been to the dump depot and to the post office where I saw Hippie L, a woman I've known since dinosaurs walked the earth and I had perky titties. That's a long time. She reminded me today that I have the best man on earth.
She's always yearned for my man. I know she has. She's not the only one. I think that somewhere there is a sign-up list for women who want my man should I, oh, disappear. And Hippie L is on it. Believe me.
I saw her the night Mr. Moon and I got engaged and she told me that although she rarely told anyone that they should, indeed, get married, she was telling me that in this case, with this man, her advice was to DO IT!
That was almost twenty-six years ago. And she's still telling me what a fine man I have.
Well. She's right.

I was telling Kathleen and Sweetie yesterday, though, that when Mr. Moon retires, there are going to have to be some ground rules. The main one is that when I get up in the morning, there must be at least fifteen minutes, MINIMUM! before he is allowed to speak to me beyond, "Good morning, I love you."
And that will be pushing it.
Every morning of my life I get up and wonder if really, I can do it again. Live through another day. That's just the way it is. That's just the way I am. And I work through that, every day. But it requires some time and some silence.
It does not involve having someone tell me about articles in the newspaper.
And please don't suggest that I get up earlier than Mr. Moon. I have to wait until the moment is ripe for arising. When I gather my forces, gird my loins, and make the heroic effort to rise from my dreams.
And usually a hot flash because I have to throw the covers off me anyway.
Unless of course Owen is coming early or I need to accompany someone to town for an appointment or I am going to get on a plane to Mexico. (Best case scenario, that one.)
In those cases I get up at a specific time and it's not bad. But still, there must be a period of silence for me to work through my morning-blues and I set the clock accordingly to allow for that.

We all have our quirks and our rituals. We all have our needs and sometimes we just have to make them clear. If I were Mr. Moon and I saw ME in the morning, I would not say a thing for fear that if I opened my mouth the words out of them would be, "MY GOD! YOU'VE AGED FIFTY YEARS SINCE LAST NIGHT!"
Or something to that effect.

Well, good morning. I have things to do. And the phone man has exactly one hour and thirty-eight minutes to make good on the promise the girl made me yesterday when I reported my phone was out. She said that it would be fixed by 11:30 a.m. today.
Where are you, Mr. Phone Man?

And have you watched any of the Drunk History videos on youtube? If you haven't, you should check them out. They're flat-out hysterical. Just go to youtube and search for Drunk Videos. SOMEONE IS HAVING FUN IN THIS WORLD!
I hope you're one of them.

Sign-up sheet to the left of the door as you exit. There's a clipboard with a pencil tied to it. Add your name. Should any vacancies arise you will want to be on the list. I have trained the man well and he is a marvelous catch. We're working on the morning silence thing. I would advise, though, if you wish to be in serious consideration for the position that you know how to make biscuits.
But don't hold your breath. I'm not thinking about going anywhere.



  1. I would not talk to you in the morning for at least an hour. I wake slowly too. I get up slowly. I wake up pissed that I am still tired, achy and sweaty, but I swing my legs around and rise eventually. We would either get along great or kill each other, right?
    I have the best possible husband in the world too, so I won't add my name to the list, even though Mr. Moon is quite the catch. I can't make biscuits worth a damn, so I'd be out of contention.
    Thank goodness you followed your heart and ended up with such a good man.
    Now I'm off to watch drunk videos. I am really tired today and need a laugh.
    ps Love the creeper header pic, it's very striking. I have a love/hate relationship with that vine. It's trying to eat my house and yard like kudzu. But it is so pretty in the fall, I forgive it.
    Have a good day, OK?

  2. I wake up with those morning blues too, but lately they have been morning terrors. I'm going to see my doc this afternoon for some meds. I've been down this road before, so I know it will get better, but still. Glad to hear you are sticking around!

  3. I'd like to smack that woman. I may be premenstrual.

  4. Do you wake up blue if Owen spends the night?

    Love the new masthead. Those bedpsrings make a good trellis.

    Our Hill Country has a quality in common with the south. If you leave a place dormant, bushes will sprout through the pavement and trees will break into through the windows and grass will sprout from every little crevice and soon the land is at home in the house.

  5. As high strung as I am, I wake up slowly too. I need time to check email, eat something, not do anything at all. Which is why my children watch a couple morning cartoons.

    I'm glad you got a good catch, and even more that you are secure enough about it to write funny posts about the other ladies who want him!

  6. I love mornings.
    But solo.
    So I get that part.
    My wonderful husband , who I wouldn't trade for even Mr. Moon :), is traveling less and getting up with me, to you know bond and chatter and slurp coffee .
    I keep setting my alarm earlier and earlier , but he's up for the challenge it seems.
    It might have to get nasty.

    hope you are having a fabulous day.
    I'm scrubbing shower stalls, thankful for the flexibility. I'm terribly domestic sometimes.
    There's a peace in it I think.

  7. I never, ever get solo mornings. I will enjoy them so. Especially since I've been sick FOREVER now, I need my restorative coffee and a moment to set an intention not to eat my children with soy sauce.

  8. Lora- Mr. Moon is somewhat famous in these parts among the ladies. FOR BEING MY HUSBAND! (Boy. I'm in a mood today.)

    Jo- It's sad, but it's true. Horrifying.

    deb- I think we need to make our needs clear. Not unlike our shower doors.

    Nancy C- Yes, eating our young does seem a good idea sometimes. They would be so sweet and tender!

  9. I envy you Mr. Moon AND your lovely axilla. You have a good looking man and the most photogenic armpits! Lucky woman. And it's well within your rights to feel and/or be vicious or virtuous. You be you.

  10. sign me up babeeeeeeeeeee.
    I will learn the biscuit thing.

    Oh my gosh, my mom's husband is the same way with reading articles and tidbits from the paper. What is that all about? That would drive me mad, actually at any time of the day, but yes, esp in the am, when I am trying to form all the molucules of my self again. I know just what you mean.

    Now, if I do choose to couple with a man in my new life, will I HAVE to deal with the newspaper thing?

  11. I cannot talk to anyone before my first cup of coffee. Luckily, I'm usually the first one up.

  12. There's a waiting list for my husband too. He's 20 years older than I am so it's a long shot for those on the list. He's bona fide.

    I just loved this post. It made my day. Thank you!!!

  13. My husband has worked that one out all by himself. Probably by talking to me in the morning a couple of times.

  14. Ms. Trouble- I never considered my armpits one way or the other. But thank-you!

    Bethany- No. You just have to make things clear from the get-go.

    Michelle- I will be tomorrow. Owen's coming at six.

    Jucie- Bona Fide! I love that! Like in O! Brother.

    Mwa- Maybe he's smarter than the average husband.

  15. Well, I can make biscuits and don't talk much in the morning because I like to have a cup of coffee and read the paper. I do however grab Mrs. Syd and give her a kiss every morning. That's okay I think. There are several good guys around. Glad that you found one.

  16. ok, so i get up in the mornings. but it's only because someone is making me. the rules are as follows: don't talk to me. don't look me in the eye. don't make any requests, let alone one that requires me to interact with you. don't be sweet, i'll take that as mocking me and be in a bad mood all day. don't ask me if i want breakfast. of course i want breakfast, i'm awake, aren't i? and breakfast better include bacon. don't ask me if i've have enough sleep, the answer is always no. unless i've actually slept 48 hours and then the answer is maybe. the only time i can ever remember being truly excited to get up is when i used to stay with mawmaw and pawpaw during the summer and it was a wednesday. wednesday meant that we would be going to carrabelle for the satellite work. for whatever reason, going to carrabelle with mawmaw to help people there get their fishing license or driver's license or transfer their tag made me excited. maybe it was because i got to go to the old people breakfast where i would drink creamer from a tiny, pre-packaged cup, or maybe it was because there was a nice couch where i could take a nap oh say around 8:30, or maybe it was just because the day was full of promise. i'm not sure. but it was exciting. on that morning i was ready to go. ready. so i feel you, sweet marymoon. i feel you.
    love, daddyb

  17. I am the EXACT same way with mornings. My dad and Uncle Gene are morning people, and they are always wanting to love and hug on me when I am around them in the a.m. I just tell them to take their happy morning asses and FUCK OFF.

    When I come to visit, we'll just grunt at each other over cups of Joe. Okay?

  18. Syd- I know. But the good ones are rare and that makes me appreciate the one I have even more. And you can make biscuits? Excellent!

    Daddy B- I adore you. Your love for your grandparents makes me so happy. Well, everything about you makes me happy. I'm REALLY happy when you stop by here and leave one of your excellent comments. I sort of live for that.

    Ms. Bastard- AGREED!


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