Tuesday, May 13, 2014

I Am Paralyzed With All I Must Do

I am so boring, so boring, so boring. Nothing to say but what I've said a million times which is that I'm nervous, I'm anxious (not that kind of anxious but I can feel myself trying to slide into it and I lasso myself back from the edge and so far that's working) and I woke up last night and worried about every blessed thing in the universe which I have any control over at all as well as many I do not and fretted and found the cat's head to softly stroke and did my alphabet game in my head over and over again and I'd fall asleep and jerk back awake...what letter was I on?- to fret and worry some more.

It is beautiful here this morning, of course, and the young chicks made it out of the shelter as far as a third of the way down the fence, my little flockette, they are so darling, learning to be chickens, to scratch, to be wary, to pay attention to everything around them.


I told Anna yesterday that I am quite aware that within a few hours of her being here, Maurice will have become her familiar. I am under no illusions about that.


This morning I said to Mr. Moon that I am nervous. He said, "I am nervous too."
"What are you nervous about?" I asked him.
"That two weeks is a long time for me not to have anything I have to do."


"What are you nervous about?" he asked me.
"Getting there," I said.
"Oh, that'll be a breeze."

We are so different. I've packed an entire wardrobe of clothes. He's packed an entire duffel of dive stuff, leaving no room whatsoever for clothes.

Well. It will all work out and I feel quite sure that we'll find something to do while we're there. Perhaps we'll even go over to the mainland, rent a car in Playa del Carmen and drive through the jungle and go visit some ruins. Why not?
As they say in Mexico, "Quien sabe?"
Who knows?

I'm nervous. I'm nervous. I'm nervous and boring and good morning, good morning, I have to call and see if my sunglasses are in yet, I am going to go get my hair trimmed with Lily and the boys later on, we are going to lunch, I am going to miss my children and my grandchildren but you know, I am going to Mexico where I will be Maria Luna who is yes, a mother, a grandmother, an abuela, but who is also merely and simply herself and an esposa, a wife, we will be sweethearts, novios (have I spelled any of these Spanish words correctly?) and soon, so soon, we will be stepping off the airplane to walk across the tarmac in the middle of the jungle and I will feel the soft air, I will feel the bones of the Maya all around me, I will see the faces of the Maya all around me, oh god. I hear a dog puking.

Good morning.


  1. I love that you worry about such different things. I'd be worried more about the travel too. But he's right, it will be a breeze. And then! Your whole soul will rest.

  2. From where do you leave in Florida and how long is your flight? I worry about airports.

  3. Ms. Vesuvius- I just opened my taking-this-time journal and drew a little picture of me and my sweetheart getting off the plane together, holding hands. That is the image I am holding on to.

    Rebecca- We are leaving from Tallahassee to Miami, then directly to Cozumel. It takes one hour, twenty minutes to get from Tallahassee to Miami, two hours, forty-five minutes to get from Miami to Cozumel. We fly over the water, over Cuba, the Yucatan comes into sight, I begin to sob great wracking sobs, we land. I love the Miami airport. There's a part you walk through that makes colors and music as you go. We fly home through freaking Dallas, though.

  4. Safe travels dear Mary. Soon you will be surrounded by Cozumel blue.

  5. Soon you will be surrounded by no worries or fears. And the cat chose you. She's not likely to choose someone else.

  6. It's always stressful getting ready for a trip. For most people as well as you. I hate the airport, I hate it.

    But it's all just a hurdle, you'll get over it fast. Put yourself in a ball of white light!

    I love to think about you in the turquoise water and sunshine ♥

  7. Good morning, good morning! So glad I had a few minutes to stop by and read you. Not boring, not at all!
    I'm excited for you and your trip, you will have a wonderful time and once you get there all that worry will just wash away.
    I am tired of airports and rental car lines and too many people and hotels and glad to be home, but I am also so very glad I went to all those interesting places and met so many nice and fascinating people. The only thing I did wrong was not take more time by the ocean to relax, an extra day or two would have done me good.
    Enjoy, relax and tell us all about it :)

  8. You will have Mr. Moon with you and all will be okay. I know that you love where you are going. We are going somewhere that we haven't been but hope to love it so that we return over and over. Playa del Carmen is on our list of places to go also, along with Acapulco and Cozumel. I hope to head to the Bahamas sometime this summer too. But will have to see whether we can take another week away from home.
    Just think--soon you and I will be in Mexico!

  9. Ohhhhh it sounds so beautiful. I have the same reaction every time the ocean any ocean and I meet face to face. Every time.

  10. I'm so excited about your trip to Mexico. Absorb every sweet thing about it!

  11. Ah, Ms. Moon, I too do the alphabet game when I can't sleep. Sometime the "A, my name is ... my husband's name is... we come from ... and we sell... ." I try it in Spanish when it's a particularly rough night! Another good distractor is trying to visualize my bookshelves in alpha order.

    Why do some of us get so nervous about the good things? It just is what it is. Mr. Moon will be your rock and soon you will be in the place you adore. Where you will "flourish" which is my captcha word, so there!

  12. I actually began packing this morning! First thing: a suitcase on the closet shelf fell on my head. I cried, cussed, and carried on. We have had sun and 80+ degree weather for a week; today it's rain and 56 degrees. It has put me in my Florida State of Mind! I hope you get in your Cozumel State of Mind soon....and just think about the fun once you get there!

  13. Travel safe, Mary! Being in Mexico will all be worth the pain it is to travel there (or anywhere!) Maybe Mr. Moon can wear your clothes and you some diving gear to help you breathe easy. Can't wait to see your photos!

  14. Angella- Yes I will!

    Ellen Abbott- Well, I hope so because I am already very attached to her.

    Jo- How many trips have you made with me to Mexico now? A few, I would think...

    Mel- I shall try my hardest to share it all to the extent that everyone feels as if they were there too, at least a little bit. I would like that.

    Syd- It's so funny that we'll both be there at the same time. I love it!

    Rebecca- Me too. Water. It is truly the mother, isn't it?

    Nancy- I will do my very best.

    Sylvia- What a great omen! Thank you! And here we are, both doing alphabets to go to sleep.

    Catrina- I am, I am! Beware of falling suitcases!

    Rachel- Ha! I am not sure that Mr. Moon could wear any one of my garments at all. But it's a thought!

  15. Oh, yes, rent a car and go see some ruins. I want to see a blog post about ruins, now that I've thought about "Ruin Lust"!


Tell me, sweeties. Tell me what you think.