Friday, June 7, 2013


I dreamed my mother was back in assisted living (and oh, are the mother dreams going to begin now?) and a man showed up, his name was Monroe, like Gibson's middle name, and he was a son of my mother's, a long-lost son she'd given up but younger than me and I wondered how in hell she'd pulled that one off because as a child I studied every breath she took, worried every moment about her, never able to take an easy breath myself (I was just a little child!) because I was so intensely worried every moment of every day and every long, hot night in that little house near the river farther south than here on the East coast of Florida, she was so alone.

Well, this guy was a big guy, and he wore a sheriff's badge on his white shirt, my half brother, Monroe.

As far as I know there is no Monroe the Sheriff, just a dream, but I wonder what secrets my mother did keep and I will never know now. Everyone who might have known is gone and that's okay. We all have secrets we might want to keep to our graves. That's our right and this whole idea that total honesty is the way to go may be misguided in my opinion but some of the secrets have to be let out or they destroy us and that's the truth.

There is nothing clear in this world, it seems to me sometimes.

The boys will be coming, the storm is passed. There is one white candle of a magnolia bud I can see on the great, old tree a few steps from my back door and it will open today and flood this porch with scent,  I will point it out to Owen, I will hold Gibson up to smell it, maybe their minds will keep the secret of the scent of the magnolia their grandmother showed them on a day in June after a tropical storm passed when they were but bitty boys, one of them in her arms, and maybe not, but either way, it won't be a secret which is dangerous, just one that if recalled in any way, might bring a smile as in a dream.
The storm has passed, the morning is coming, so are those boys.


  1. Good morning Ms. Moon. Yes, we all have a right to keep what we want to keep to ourselves. That should be respected.

    Another awesome day at MerMer's daycare is on the way!

  2. I don't think we entirely know someones heart or mind. I have mother and father dreams. I prefer that they don't visit me at night but don't have any control over that.
    Hope that your day is fun. The storm is almost past us here but it is still windy.

  3. well, there are parts of my life my kids don't really need to know about. I wouldn't call them secrets but I tell everything I did to them. We had some tree work done and were supposed to be back at the country house that day but work didn't go well so we had to stay a day later and when we got back, instead of just taking the one branch off the magnolia over the roof like we requested, he took all the lower branches off so it would be 'balanced'. I was crushed. Now I can't reach any of the flowers.

  4. What a special secret to share - a scent. I remember certain scents from childhood associated with my grandma and they make me feel all warm inside - even though I was very young. I hope this for your babies too. Sweet Jo

  5. Probably the Monroe came from me mentioning it last night in the comments. Then again, that may be giving me too much credit ;) And the mother dreams came from the bank/paperwork yesterday. Hopefully they will not become a regular thing!! You have enough crazypants dreams.

  6. I love the "white candle of a magnolia" -- not only is it a perfect image but it so perfectly captures the tone of this post --

  7. I have mother dreams all the time and none of them make sense. I miss her so much.

    Huh, my maiden name was Monroe!

  8. This is a very fragrant post you've written, Sister Moon... damp and sweet and sticky.

  9. Amen Right Reverend Mary Moon. Total honesty and forgiving your molester/rapist/murderer yeah that shit. Fuck The Secret.


    wv: frailties

  10. What a dream. Weirdness. My family is full of half-siblings. And if I hadn't disclosed my secret son and found him, my daughters would have an unknown half brother. We are strangled by our secrets, I believe. i think mine would have killed me.....That seems like a heavy dream. Who knows what these dreams we have really mean? I dream a lot about bears. And shoes. So far, not bears wearing shoes, thank god. Slumber peacefully, Mrs. Moon.

  11. Interesting dream. One of my best friends learned from her mother on her deathbed that she (my friend) had a half-sister. They met for the first time after the mother had died. Very surreal for everyone involved. Not to make you paranoid or anything.

  12. The smells of my childhood spent with my grandparents still live in my memory, I think there are some things the mind never wants to forget.

    Nothing will rock you like a dead mom dream.

  13. Jill- Amen on being able to keep a few secrets.

    Syd- We did not get much wind. Enough to knock a few limbs down but they needed to come down anyway.

    Ellen Abbott- My husband "trimmed" a magnolia by the garden so we could get more sun and it was needed but exactly- I can't reach the blossoms now and that drives me nuts.

    Sweet Jo- I hope it for them too!

    SJ- I had the same thought when I woke up- that I stole the Monroe thing from you. You deserve credit and yes, even as to my dreams. You know, I've dreamed of my mother many times but usually in relation to The Asshole. These are a little different, but not so bad. Not bad at all.

    Elizabeth- They are like candles in a way. Fine, fat, beautiful candles.

    Lynne- I'm sorry you miss your mama. That's one good thing about not having a great relationship with your mother- you don't have that bloody grief. Is that wrong? Sorry.

    Nancy- Like our weather. Yep.

    Madame King- And while we are at it- Fuck Oprah and her pop-psyche too. Forgive me, all you Oprah adorers.

    Denise- Perhaps bears are your totem animals. And yes, there are secrets we can keep safely and there are secrets that we just cannot keep while keeping our sanity too.

    Steve Reed- I feel certain that my father fathered other kids but I have no idea how to find them. Maybe that could be a project. Or maybe I should leave it all the hell alone.

    Heartinhand- Why are grandparent's houses so fragrant in our memories? It is true for me too. I swear.


Tell me, sweeties. Tell me what you think.