Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Why Does Gravity Suck So Much Today?

The anxiety has diminished greatly for which I am overwhelmingly grateful but it in its place there is a grave heaviness, a denseness which is physical as well as mental. These are all certainly connected.

I took a walk. I made myself do it. I know it's the best thing possible to be done for any sort of mental problem whether anxiety or depression or grief or indecision or whatever is troubling the mind and soul. There is very little which cannot be helped by a walk. This is something I do believe although I am not one of those who thinks that exercise can cure any ill. When I was going through my worst anxiety a few years ago, I was doing yoga three days a week and walking quite regularly. I was eating as well as I've ever eaten in my life, and yes, taking my supplements.
Hell. I think I was even drinking green tea.

But. I have walked. Not so fast and not so far, but I have done it. The blackberries which I had so much hope for during our earlier spring when we were getting rain daily are still tight and hard and green. I so wish it would rain. We are back to bone dry. The sun just went behind a cloud and in that very second, a few frogs began to croak. They are as thirsty for the rain as I am. Probably more.

I have to do something about my closet. And when I say "do something" I mean that I have to get rid of things. This is a common theme for all of us, isn't it? It is spilling over with clothes which I have not worn in a decade and yet, which I am loathe to cull. And yet, oh. I must. When I went shopping with May and Lily yesterday, I actually bought two shirts. And a sweater.
One, a Frida Kahlo T-shirt and May got one too. We bought them in a store in the mall which none of us should even be seen in for more than one reason but the main one being that when I went to check fiber content, I felt that it should read, "10% cotton, 90% Bones of Bangladeshis." I mean really. There is no getting around this.
And yet, it is such an awesome T-shirt. And extremely reasonably priced. Of course.

Then we went to another store. The Gap. What's up with fluorescent-colored garments this year? You could wear those things to direct traffic in. We were not impressed with the Gap's offerings but both of us, independently of each other, found and selected the same exact black tank top. She held hers up and said, "I'm sort of liking this."
I showed her what I was holding.
"Me too."
We bought them. I also bought a very nice sweater for ten bucks. It was on the sale rack and very soft and thus, made of the bones of the softest and tenderest of Bangladeshis, and I will be surprised when I find it next winter because I will have forgotten that I bought it. It is this sweater which is forcing my hand on the closet situation. I know that if I don't do something about that closet, I won't find it next winter. It will have disappeared into the chaotic morass of clothing in there, never to be seen again. And really I do want to find it. I do want to wear it.

I have a few hours before I become MerMer and so I should get in there with bags and determination.
I do have bags.
It's the determination which I am sorely lacking. And energy. I know that if I laid down on the bed I would never get up and so the best thing, I think, is to keep moving.

Well, it's a plan. One should have a plan and a goal, right? When life is overwhelming and you cannot do a damn thing about the Big Things, it is best, perhaps, to do as much as one can about the tiny ones.

Take a walk. Clean a closet. Wash the dishes. Do the laundry.

Don't lay down. Unless you do. That can be a plan too and has a certain dignity in it if done correctly.

I'll let you know how it goes.


  1. I remember when you did that yoga! Wasn't the teacher a big christian and kept injecting jesus into it?

    I cleaned out my closet on Monday. Yahoo. It was very refreshing.

    Soo not surprised that you and May picked out the same shirt ;)

  2. I'm in this very same mood -- the clearing out the shit mood. Except that I haven't started. I might even cull books which is completely unheard of around here. The times they are a'changing.

  3. SJ- Yes. Catholic. So very, very Catholic. Hoo-boy. That was weird. It feels incredibly good to get a closet cleaned out and orderly. I think it's actually good for the soul.
    May and I- well, we don't JUST look alike.

    Elizabeth- In a perfect world, I think that there would be little shelters for books where we could place the ones we are letting go and take some that others have let go if we wanted. Like libraries, only not as formal. Even Hank has started to let go of some of his books. It has come to the point where he has had to use his car as a sort of rolling storage unit for the overflow.

  4. Oh, god, the books. I keep giving them away and it doesn't seem to make a dent.

  5. clean a closet. that is a gargantuan task for me. but i think i cant put it off any longer. i love it when your grandsons are coming over. no matter how tired you are, i know they will make you smile.

  6. laying down is good as long as one remembers to get back up. walking is probably better for the health and closet cleaning is an admirable and useful occupation. but i do love those eye resting, mind floating moments which visit just before a nap. enjoy your grandsons visit!

  7. Your thinking is so right, despite how hard the feelings are. I hope you are feeling better and that the boys brought you great joy. Sweet Jo

  8. I've only had closets for a couple of years. My old house in the city has only one room with a closet and it was added on later. I do however sort through my clothes every couple of years. Though I have items of clothing that I don't wear and have not ditched for many many years. What's up with that?

  9. Check out Little Free Libraries, they are just the thing for those of us with books overflowing everywhere.
    One just popped up in my neighborhood. I had resolved to figure out how to get one going, but someone beat me to it.
    I love your blog, thanks for your wonderful voice in the world.

  10. Mr. Downtown- I have been thinking we should open a library in that old restored store in Lloyd where there is nothing going on at all. Of course there are no restrooms or air conditioning or heat but...

    Angella- Oh. They do, they really do!

    Sweet Jo- As you can see from my latest post, they did.

    Ellen Abbott- I did not put a pair of shorts in the give-away bag today even though I KNOW that I will never wear them again unless I get a terminal illness which causes me to lose a million pounds. But, you know, in that case, they would be a comfort. So I'm keeping them.

  11. Michigan Mom- Thanks! Wow! I love that! We need those everywhere!
    Thanks for taking the time to direct me. Come back anytime.

  12. Chaotic morass! I think you may have described my life :)

  13. I'm glad the anxiety dissipated, as you knew it would.

    I actually like cleaning out closets. I'm not sure why. I think purging makes me feel like I've progressed -- I'm PAST all those old things now. I need to throw some shit away here. I have some shirts that are looking pretty tattered and sad.


Tell me, sweeties. Tell me what you think.