Monday, May 20, 2013


Monday again and our strange, cool spring seems to be over and the heat is returning and I need to get out and walk before it gets too hot and Gibson is coming over today, just him, his brother is going to Gainesville with his father.
The birds are so noisy this morning that it's like an aural wallpaper, there is an actual denseness to it.

It's Monday and so it's time to go back to my better ways. Everyone is gone and there is no excuse for biscuits and butter, no reason whatsoever to indulge in simple carbohydrates and blah, blah, blah.
Why is being a human so fucking complex?
Why did Billy bring me cheese and Buddha beer?
(Thank you Billy, and meanwhile you're all thin and looking good and meanwhile I'm all not.)

It never did rain here, I went off on my husband last night for no apparent reason out of the blue and it made me feel terrible and I want to reach back in time and pinch my own head off. I think maybe it's just all too much, or at least all too much for me who can barely handle doing the laundry and cooking a meal in one day (and we know that's not entirely true but sort of) and at eleven o'clock at night when I've finally and utterly exhausted myself in every physical and emotional way, there is no one else to go off on but him and he doesn't deserve that and he doesn't treat me that way.
You'd think, wouldn't you, that by now I'd have learned a few things about myself, about marriage, about...anything?
Well, I obviously haven't.

Move, Mary, get moving. Off the ass, sheets off the bed, into the washer, it is Monday, it is time to move and if not groove, at least plod along. Jessie left her phone charger, her red flip-flops and the sourdough starter which I was going to hand off to her to take custody of. Would that be a good enough excuse to pack up and get in the car and drive, drive, drive? Not that I really want to do that but, oh, Mondays sometimes. The very essence of them makes me want to flee, especially when I feel this way, as if human life is too complex and having the simple goal of getting from one place in time and space to another with a cooler with sourdough starter in it sounds like a plan.

It is not. Not really.

What are you doing today? Are you filled with energy and focus and are you grooving and snapping your fingers and checking your e-mail and sorting out your day and making plans for your week and GETTING IT DONE? Are you increasing your reps, your miles, your sets, your weights and are you unrolling/rolling up your yoga mats and are you EATING ALL HEALTHY AND SHIT? Are you glad for the week to be begun are you looking forward to the challenges ahead? And have you been an exemplary wife/mother/daughter/son/husband/partner/etc.? Have you written a new chapter, a new poem, are you reading a good book, is your garden weed-free and are your tomatoes ripening nicely? Is your bed made, the sheets stretched tightly across the mattress, your handmade-by-local-fabric-artists quilt spread over it all, your pillows fluffed and aired? Is your feng shui correct and are all of your fucking chakras balanced? Have you had your green tea in a porcelain cup and have you meditated this morning?

If so, please don't bother to tell me because my thighs are suddenly blobby and my hair needs trimming and I was a terrible daughter and I was mean to my husband and no, I certainly didn't win the lottery.
Except that I did, in all actuality, in so many ways and I need to remember that and I need to yes, get off this ass and I can move even if there is no groove, get going, get going, get going, it is Monday and it may yet rain this week and Gibson is coming.

Good morning.


  1. no. on Mondays I am a slow starter. Tuesdays, now I'm usually more focused on work.

  2. 1. I have started my summer of pushups (20 days late)- I'm trying to get to a point that I can drop and do 100.
    2. I am a week into my summer of the hillbilly whistle (13 days late).
    3. I instituted a cussing jar this morning to help BabyGirl make money on my potty mouth. It's a big fuckin' jar.
    4. I did NOT partake of the office donuts this morning, partly for health, but mostly so I can sneer down my nose at the others and in my most condescending tone say, "no, I don't eat donuts".

    well, you asked

  3. Ellen Abbott- I think maybe most people are the same.

    Magnum- What is this lateness you speak of? Things begin when they begin. And what is a hillbilly whistle? And there is no fucking jar big enough to hold what I would have to deposit for swears and cusses. Of course you don't eat doughnuts. What kind of a slob do people take you for?

  4. Ms. Moon,

    I think you are lovely and quite sane and that it is normal to be tired after the weekend and visitors you've had, and a bit sad at missing them. Mr. Moon knows all this and ha forgiven you already. Enjoy Gibson and look forward to tomorrow.

    Thanks for being here.

  5. I haven't done shit yet today. I'm tired, even though I slept in and my joints are achy and I'm hot and sweaty and cranky. We have storms coming, and I don't feel like doing much but watching them come.

    Today I did do one thing new - I stopped weighing myself, no sense starting the day disgusted.

    I know how you feel losing it in the moment and then wishing you could have a do over. I let things build up and get under my skin and then somebody says or does one tiny little thing that sets me off. I don't do anger management well. All you can do is apologize and recognize you're an imperfect human. Oh we all are.

    And now I'm going to go do something, anything on my to do list so I don't feel like such a slug.

    Have a fun time with Gibson today.

  6. I'm not doing a damn thing I "should". Except for the laundry, maybe just that one thing....
    AND I'm going to go ahead and balance my fucking chakras know...I can.

  7. I am laying in bed waiting to get picked up to have an ultrasound and while I am laying here I am doing all this things you mentioned like increasing my reps... S Jo

  8. E- Hello, new person! I am so glad you've come by and taken the time to say such sweet things about me. Please come back again soon.

    Mel- I find as I grow older that anger is not such an issue with me and so, when it reappears suddenly, I am surprised and actually a bit shocked, as was my husband although he forgives me. I am so glad. Do you think that coming-storms affect your joints? I think they do mine.
    I am proud of you for not weighing. I would be proud of me if I ever did.

    Ms. Yo- You are a better woman than I if you can balance those fuckers.

    Sweet Jo- Oh no! Are you okay?

  9. Yes, to all the above that I've done which makes me a superlative human being on every account.

  10. I got up at 4am to drag my ass home from Kentucky back here to be at work by 9. Tired,tired. Your weekend sounds very good. I got some good kiddo time myself.

  11. I'm doing nothing. Fucking nothing. Ok, I managed to make a bunch of phone calls I should have made weeks ago today, but apart from that ... just wanna sleep.

  12. Elizabeth- Well, we KNEW that. It is good to be reminded though.

    SJ- What a loving, dear aunt you are. Your littles are blessed to have you in their life.

    Jo- I would rather dig ditches than make phone calls. I swear. So- good on you!

  13. I am okay. Turns out I had an ovarian cyst that burst on its own. Painful, a little scary (at my age) but could have been hugely worse and I will be fine and I am grateful. Sweet Jo

  14. Sweet Jo- Thank you for letting me know. I will rest a little better now. That most have been very painful. VERY painful. I am glad you are okay. I truly am.

  15. I got up and painted every room in my house, yep, every single room and then washed all the windows, inside and out.

    Then I cleaned the oven and all the baseboards in the house. Then built a raised bed with some 2x4's I had hanging around and planted all kinds of vegetables and herbs and flowers.

    I still have quite a bit of energy left so I'm about to cook a complete Thanksgiving dinner just because it sounds kinda fun.

    Well, you asked!

  16. Lulumarie- That's hysterical! And when I saw you'd left a comment, I thought, "I bet she painted her house!" You put us all to shame, girl. You really do.


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