Monday, May 13, 2013

A Heavy Subject

When we were on the road yesterday I actually ate something I haven't eaten in so long that I don't even remember the last time. A Hardee's cheeseburger.
My god, it was good.
And I ate some french fries too.
And honey, the madness stops there.

I hope.

Despite the fact that we eat fairly healthy around here and I make my own breads with oats and flax and whole wheat and I bake any desserts we have with fruit in them and we eat plenty of vegetables and fruit, and despite the fact that five pounds of sugar can last me for six months or more and despite the fact that we eat all whole wheat pasta and never eat white rice and despite the fact that I haven't drunk a soda in a dog's age and despite the fact that the stop at a fast food restaurant is an almost-never, ever event, we gotta tighten it up around here.


I've gotten lazy. I've given in to my baser instincts and allowed myself the occasional Cuban sandwich, the now-and-then-plate of barbecue, the extra slice of bread with (homemade!) preserves on it. And my body tends to roundness. It wants to be that shape. And honey, it is certainly getting there. And I don't like it.

So. Back to eating closer to the dirt. Time to quit making bread and serving it every night. Time to remember what real, honest food tastes like. Okay. I haven't forgotten THAT. But it's time to tame the beast within who wants the sweet, the salty, the fat, the easy. You know what? You can starve that beast for years but it never really dies. Never. And you give it a little bit of cheese here, a few M&M's there, maybe a handful of Chex Mix or a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and the next damn thing you know, you're sitting in Hardee's eating a hamburger with mayonnaise all over your face and you realize that things are definitely, without a doubt, no shame-in-admitting-it, OUT OF CONTROL and the beast not only lives, it is happy, happy, happy and wants a milkshake too.
(No. I did not get a milkshake but Mr. Moon might have. Strawberry. Maybe. But of course, he's still long and lean and so what?)

Okay. Good intentions. Hell is paved with them and so is another twenty pounds. Or, larded with them anyway. But I have them. I need to start paying attention and cooking the way I should be cooking and making food choices based on what I need rather than what I may think I want and so forth.
Sometimes I really wish I was one of those people who drank so much soda that all they had to do to lose weight was give that up. But I'm not.

We shall see, won't we? And right now the garden is good inspiration. We had snow peas and squash and green onions roasted in the oven tonight and quinoa and some baked chicken (not too much) with lemon juice and olive oil and fat free feta cheese on it. And other stuff. You know, herbs and spices. Etc. It was delicious. All of it. And a salad with cucumbers and carrots and sesame seeds and a lovely, plain vinaigrette and no bread. None.
We survived. Nicely.

Hardees will not be seeing me again any time soon. AS GOD IS MY WITNESS!

The beast must die, or at least be starved into submission. I am not going to starve, believe me (I am way too old for that sort of nonsense) but the beast must be.
And of course, because I have eaten pretty cleanly for one whole, entire day, I will wake up tomorrow thinking that I should have lost at least five pounds. Overnight.
Amazing how ridiculous we human beings are, isn't it?

All right. Have a good evening. I think I'm going to eat a yogurt before I go to bed. I'm looking forward to that tremendously. It's been a very fine day and I had fun with my boys, and Jessie and Vergil will be here on Thursday. And there's no doubt I will have lost five pounds by then. At least.

Much love...Ms. Moon


  1. Lord, I know. I really do. I've been walking every night and I've lost about 3-4 pounds but that's it. Your metabolism slowing as you age is truly no joke...things just can't be the same after a certain period of time. We grow and change. I gotta tighten up around here too. My fast food stopping is still fairly frequent even though I do eat healthy as a general rule. It sucks.

  2. Oh Ms. Moon, you do have quite the way with words. I was expecting something "heavy" in the other sense of the word and was surprised to read this. And of course I can relate to all of it. And I have decided to take a rest before cooking some healthy food for the week as I've been such the procrastinator that I am scrounging around for anything I have in the house that does not have to be cooked and end up eating a piece of string cheese and a tangerine. You'd think I'd be anorexic but alas I am the opposite. I think I need a wife to cook for me... Sweet Jo

  3. I hate that beast that wants pizza and things like that. I don't do fast food but pasta is something I love. But neither of us eats that food anymore. My wife has to be careful because of the heart attack, and I vowed to be there with her. I tend to be lean too--not as tall as Mr. Moon but 6 feet and lean. Metabolism is a strange thing.

  4. I find myself hungry for some strange reason.

  5. Sigh. I had popcorn and a box of Red Vines for dinner tonight at the movies. It's hard to give a damn.

  6. I like your determination! You seem to know exactly how to eat well, and that's half the battle. At least you don't have to re-learn a lifetime's worth of habits. Having a garden is a huge plus!

  7. It's hard to give up your own homemade bread, but as you undoubtedly know, even wholesome food turns into pounds if you eat too much of it. Cut out the pastas, baked goods, and trimmings (butter, jam, etc.), keep your portions small, and you'll lose (or at least not gain), whether you eat your own beautiful garden produce or chicken and salad at Hardee's.
    But jeez, isn't it the pits that at our age (I'm also vintage 1954), it takes so much less food to keep us at a reasonable weight than we enjoy eating? Is it fair that after decades of being effortlessly thin, a couple of brownies in a week will make a visible difference?

  8. SJ- Oh. You just wait. I'm sorry. Mother Nature is a cruel bitch.

    Sweet Jo- A piece of string cheese and a tangerine sounds like a halfway decent dinner to me! Is that wrong?

    Syd- Metabolism IS a strange thing. I swear. And pizza is the Beast's favorite food. Mine too. Odd.

    Nancy- I'm usually strangely hungry.

    Elizabeth- Again- sounds very reasonable to me.
    But it does get harder to give a shit. You are right.

    Steve Reed- It is ALWAYS the determination which is the problem. Always.

    Anonymous- Well, I've never been effortlessly thin in my life except for when I almost died of mono and didn't eat for a month or two in the hospital. And yes, I do understand how these things work. I actually worked for Weight Watchers for years. It's not lack of knowledge that I suffer from.

  9. I am told by others that when you don't eat enough (calories) at your meals it just sets you up for failure in that you'll want to eat more. So while string cheese can be my protein, it's not really enough and green veggies/veggies is better than fruit - particularly in the evening. I would think chicken and veggies or a hearty soup with vegetables and a protein is much better. And this kind of picking up whatever is easy and requires no preparation is a habit, not a once in a while behavior. Sweet Jo

  10. Sweet Jo- I am a great believer in the small, frequent meals approach. And as such, a piece of cheese and a tangerine qualifies but you are right- that is not truly enough for a real meal.

  11. ever since Mr Tearful went on a diet a month or more ago, I've been on my own and have taken Michael Pollen's "eat food, mostly plants, not too much" dictate to heart. I've lost a few lbs but the skin is still wrinkly and will only get more so as time marches on. there's no getting around that.

  12. Ms. Yo- Yes. That is my dietary mantra. It is so simple. So profoundly correct. But not always easy as the simplest things rarely are. Do not even talk to me about skin and the effects of aging on it. It is just too fucking depressing.

  13. OK, I'll rephrase that: By "effortlessly thin" I meant that, to my (chubby baby-loving) mother's and grandmother's despair, I was a skinny child whose classmates would ask why my knees were so bumpy; a gangly teenager; and an adolescent-looking young adult. None of it was deliberate or even desired, and the "how much do you weigh, anyway?" questions were tiresome. Thinness is not necessarily a positive for people who happen to start life with that metabolism.
    I think I finally looked pretty good in my forties--but now a tollhouse cookie or two will quickly turn themselves into semi-permanent fixtures.
    Ain't aging grand?


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