Thursday, October 14, 2010

Not Very Enlightened

No harm, no foul today and so, in that way, it was a good day. Owen ate spaghetti and bananas for lunch and tried to use a fork and the dogs got a lot of the benefit of that experiment.

It's a good day in that it's so beautiful here too. The green is immense and intense and there is always at least one red cardinal on the feeder, as if Hollywood had planned this whole thing out and filmed it in Technicolor just for me. The pecans are losing their leaves, they hit the ground with a rusty sound and there's a tiny breeze, swishing things around.

Yeah. Gorgeous. Everything is good.

And I could just cry.

I think I'm tired. I'm not getting to sleep at night until one-thirty or two. This is not enough sleep for me. And then I take a nap some days and that only makes the problem worse. I sit down to write and I think who cares? and besides that, what the fuck? I should be cleaning out the hen house.

Plus. There is always a plus, isn't there? Plus, it's all the same stuff over and over. I wash and fold and put away the same clothes, napkins, place mats, tablecloths, towels, over and over and over again. Again and again and again. Make the bed, same. Put things away, get them out. Cook. I swear to you- I am dying here trying to figure out what in hell to make for supper anymore. Who cares?
I am burnt the fuck out.

Probably just because I'm tired. I know this is life and god dammit- I at least get to do the same things over and over in a place I love for people I love and I HAVE people I love and god, do they have any idea how much I love them?
And still- I bitch.

I know that I am not special and that I, like everyone else, has to do what it takes to keep a life running. A house, a family, a home.

Before enlightenment- tote water, chop wood.
After enlightenment- tote water, chop wood.

Not that I'm enlightened. I'm just saying that whether you are or not, you're gonna be toting some damn water, chopping some damn wood.

Me too.

And usually, it's fine. In fact, all that laundry and meal-making and garden-and-chicken-tending is what gives my life its meaning.
(Do I need to get a life?)
But right now, for some reason, I keep thinking about Monday night when I put on all that sparkly eye-shadow and Mr. Moon and I sat at the bar of a real restaurant and the cute tattooed guy brought us menus and then the delicious foods we ordered and nice cold beverages and the whole evening could have just been that. Oh. The glory of being waited on. The incredible luxury of it. Of someone asking, "What would you like?" And not in a metaphorical way.

Of bringing me a glass of ice water, unbidden, with a slice of lemon in it!

Oh well. Tote that barge, bale that hay, or whatever the saying is. If I want the chickens not to have to sleep up to their thighs in poop, I better go clean out the nesting boxes. If I want pansies all winter, I better go plant them. If I want supper tonight, I better go cook it.

And I'm sorry this is so boring. I shouldn't even post it.
But for me, writing in the blog every day is a little like putting on sparkly eye-shadow, a little like having someone bring me a glass of ice water with lemon in it. Dare I even say it? A little like getting a massage!

Now we're talking.

Talking a fantasy.

Dream on, Ms. Moon.
While you're cleaning out that hen house, dream on.

Y'all too. Find a dream and dream it while you're chopping your wood, toting your water, hauling your barge, baling your hay.

Wear lipstick while you do it if you want. Or a bolo tie and cowboy boots. And sparkly eye-shadow.
But don't wear a bra. Bras cut your dreams off at the tits.

You can quote me on that.

Love...Ms. Moon


  1. No. I need my bra. I prefer to wear the girls up. However, in relations to your fabulous new proverb, I recently read that women who don't wear underwires poo more - there was a test, wearing various bras from push up to no underwire, and women processed their food more efficiently, shall we say, when they weren't wearing one.


    Still... not sure I could give up my underwire for increased intestinal health, I'm afraid.

    bahaha, wv: tettylog.

    Ok, I was going to say, would you ever go out more? SParkle it up and have dinner, or, well... get a massage?

    Maybe it won't work, because the part of you that was born to do greater things is poking at you. I dunno.

    Write more... that might be one answer. Get a massage, and write more.

  2. If you ate out ever night (not that you want to) it wouldn't be special any more. You need both for balance, the cooking and the being served. And if you did "get a life" you would miss the one you have now, I'd wager.

  3. Nice post... I've begun wearing eye shadow and lipstick daily to work... never was much for make up... until I reached my 40s... Now at 50... I wear it all... even the bra... but that's because cleavage is like sparklie eye shadow.

  4. "Bras cut your dreams off at the tits."
    Oh Mama! Goddamn! Sometimes you just come out with the sharpest of witty wisdoms! Someone needs to cross stitch that.
    As for all the other stuff, I think you are due for a massage. I also know what you mean about how it seems so pointless all the time, I feel that often. It all gets dirty, we all get hungry, all day, every day. La di da doo. But sometimes it doesn't feel like that, and it all seems so random.
    I hope you have some sweet dreams tonight, and sleep comes easy and quick, and stays all night long. I love you so.

  5. I'm so glad you posted this... (and reminded me to not wear a bra ;)) I'm right there with you... not sleeping until 2am... and naps making the cycle continue... and dinner. Good lord. I can't even think about it anymore. I get bursts of energy in the middle of the night and they stay there.
    Thank you for this. I'm dreaming big as I fold the laundry that's been sitting here for two days :)

  6. You know it's about that time of year when you and the Mr. used to disappear to Cozumel for a while... Your body probably knows it more than your mind... or maybe not?

    Anyway, being caretaker to as many people as you are in one form or another IS exhausting I'm sure. Hope you get some z's tonight.

  7. I might just quote you.

    You know how I feel about bras. About the same as I feel about housework.

    Get some rest. Love you


  8. I like my bras :) Well, sports bras at least. I need support!

  9. I feel the same way about the meals and the kitchen. Oh and wait.........ahhhhh, much better--I just flung that bra off.
    How are your chickens doing?

  10. Jo- Write more and get a massage- these are words of advice I can take. Neither requires a bra. And let me just say that if we needed proof that bras SUCK, you just gave it to us. Thank-you.

    Stephanie- I know you are right.

    Dianne- I wouldn't have cleavage if you gave me an axe so what's the point? I admire you, though.

    May- I know, honey. Sometimes I think about people who are so rich that they don't have that day-to-day crap to deal with because they pay someone else to do it and I think- wow. Yes. And then I think- but what would I DO?
    Well, I doubt I'll ever find out.
    I love you, honey.

    Corinne- Sleep. We need it. Damn! We need it.

    Ms. Fleur- We are going to go to Roseland. That will be lovely.

    Michelle- You were the main thing in my mind when I wrote that line. I was hoping you would like it.

    SJ- Me too. But not in the tit department.
    Well, I may need it but I don't give a shit.

    Michele R- Chickens are okay. They are still molting and I am not getting many eggs but I still have the five hens, one rooster.
    Don't you feel better without that bra?

  11. You crack me up. I almost blew my dinner all over my husband's keyboard with this newest wise-old-saying.

    This morning I thought: why bother? Who even cares if I photograph another pumpkin? It just seems pointless at times.

    But it is not. I love your writing. Sometimes I flip over here just to cheer up, even when you are ranting or disgusted with something or another. I always laugh. I sometimes cry.

    We all need our integrity and honesty. And we all need to share with one another. I for one (and there are many) am completely grateful for this post. Thank you.

  12. Oh Ms. Moon, I am laughing with you, not at you. I could have written this on any given day. I tend to blog my gratitude moments and keep my "one more load of dishes and I'm going to cry" moments to myself. But I've been thinking a lot lately in my house full of entitled waited on teenagers I created that nobody ever asks what I want for dinner, or brings me a glass of water when I'm thirsty. Today I am tired and put upon. Tomorrow I hope I drink the gratitude kool aid and smile as I go about being handmaiden to my little monsters. The monotony of daily housework is awful, but the big need to do hen house type chores are piling up too. And I just want a nap, which makes me cranky, blah blah blah, so yep, me too. Maybe we should make a habit of those sparkly date nights to keep the doldrums at bay. Hope you sleep tight. And thanks for posting even the stuff you think you shouldn't, because at least for me, you honesty made my long boring housefrau day.

  13. Ms. Moon-

    I think that where so many of us get wrapped around the axle is that we get in that head space where this post found you, burned out and kind of overwhelmed by the grind of all those things we have to do, and we just feel that part of it, and it drives us crazy, and we fail to do what you do next, which is to put it into some kind of perspective.

    Not to deny or ignore how you feel, or minimize the shittiness of it, but to simply let it occupy the space that is appropriate for it instead of letting it flood all over everywhere it don't belong.

    A sloppy way of trying to say that I admire your stance here.

    You keep keepin' it real.



  14. I am definitely going to quote you on that one because that is the best damn quote I have heard in a long time. Tank is enjoying feeding time at the Shifley household as well because Kyle's success ratio of getting his food into his mouth is not so good right now. Take care Ms. Moon and enjoyed your words as usual.

  15. Get the massage, dream the dreams and make them reality, throw down the bale and the hoe--do something for yourself that is extraordinary and not the norm. I think that life needs those moments of sheer hedonism.

  16. Dear Ms Moon,
    That quote is right on. I admire you for a million reasons. I love though just how fucking funny and real you are. You know what else, I love your readers. They are such amazing writers and thinkers and sweethearts. Reading comments is such an added bonus here. It's like a slice of heaven. Such love and silliness and sweetness abounding. I just love the conversation and trust and easiness. You've really created an amazing place. It awes me sometimes. And I think it's always a special treat when your children write too. May made me smile and laugh.
    Thanks for this post. I getcha.

  17. I agree with you about the bras. But, heck, it sure hurts my back if I don't have that support. So I've started wearing camisoles with the built-in bra. Much more comfortable. And I can even sleep in one.

    Now, go get that massage. You DO deserve it.

  18. It's going to be dark and restful in that cave, so bring that quilt and come on over. I know EXACTLY how you feel, Ms. Moon, and it sure gets old.

  19. To you I would say, don't ever think you shouldn't post something or that it's boring, etc. It is so enjoyable to read about your day.

    I think most people know exactly what you are talking about when you say you're tired of doing the same stuff over and over again. And don't even get me started on cooking dinner. I am telling you Ms. Moon, you kick butt in that dept so don't ever think you don't. It is a frickin' miracle when my family eats a real homecooked normal meal like yours does -- and you do all of the time.

  20. This totally spoke to me. I've found myself looking forward to October being OVER - rather than enjoying this fabulous weather - just because I don't have something that I'm looking forward to. I'm counting down the days until this or that event is over, like checking things off a to do list instead of counting down the days until something exciting is going to happen. I need something that will make me say - oh, I don't want this to end - but don't seem to find the time to even consider what that might be.

    I did plant pansies a couple of weekends ago but they need to be watered - who has the time to do that??? Come on rain - take something off my to do list so I can dream!!!

    I think of having chickens, but can't imagine adding one more responsibility.

    Thank you for writing this blog. It is like sparkly eye shadow for your readers, too.

  21. Laura- Making people laugh makes me so very happy.
    THAT I never get tired of.

    Mel- God. We are all so afraid to speak the truth about how some days can just grind you down. Let's stop being afraid. We all need to know we share this shit.

    Scott (Tears)- The problem is always- Which reality are we talking about today? Thanks so much for the comment. I know you know.

    Mr. Shife- And I always enjoy your words, too. Glad you liked the quote.

    Syd- You're a wise man.

    Bethany- Yep. I have the VERY best community here. And you- you are a big part of it. Thanks.

    Angie M- I don't even like the bra-built-in camisoles but they're better than a real bra. I agree.

    Elizabeth- I'm right here in the cave with you. It's so cozy.

    Jill- Sigh. I try. Thanks.

    Jucie- The chickens are really not much work. And they give back so much.
    Thanks for your words.

    Lisa- Love you to bits, too!

  22. Bras cut your dreams off at the tits. Perfect and SO TRUE!

    Love you, woman!

  23. Ms. Bastard-Beloved- I was channeling you when I came up with that one.

  24. I don't like commitment . And you have a lot.
    I do what I have to do , I get it. And I also know that left to my own devices I would crumble into useless miserable depressed nothingness. I need commitments and to be needed and schedules. I just don't like them. Somehow it goes against my inner spirit or something.
    I love hard work , it's not that. It's the lack of freedom.
    Which would kill me , but still. Do you know what I mean. I am terrified of having to watch a grandchild someday. Yet of course I would and no doubt will. But still.

  25. Fuck. It's as if you're describing my life exactly just now. Only I like them up, too. No underwire in nursing bras, though. And I can't even get to write on the blog any more I'm so damn tired and everyone wants a piece of me.

    Tomorrow will be better. I'm sure of it. When we've both had some sleep.


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