Friday, August 6, 2010

This Friday

I sit and drink my yogurt/fruit/flax/prunes smoothie. I am sweating. I took a walk. I thought I might puke before it was done- I was that hot. I have taken the trash to the trash place. I am washing sheets, towels, rugs, clothes. I have my dogs locked out of the house because I cannot deal with them any more or their shit or their pee.

No. I am not a good dog mother, not at all.

The phone rings. It's Lis and we talk and giggle and chat and I glance out the front door to see a flock of vultures descend upon my front yard. There's a dead armadillo out there, stinking up the neighborhood and now THIS!
Can I just say that it's disconcerting for a flock of vultures to descend in your yard? Well. It is.
After I get off the phone with Lis I go outside with my camera because of course that's what I do. All of the giant black birds take off and I did not know this but when they flap those heavy wings of theirs they make a sound like the gates of hell opening and they do not sing, vultures. No, they grunt like pigs. When one flew over me, I actually made a little scream sound and ducked.
But I did get a picture of one brave black bird standing by the deceased.

Poor armadillo. Lucky bird.
Because I am here to tell you that I am NOT going to go out there with a shovel and a bag to get rid of that animal. THAT IS NOT MY JOB!
I can clean poopy diapers 'til the cows come home. I handle most of the trash around here and I can muck out a chicken coop without blinking an eye. I clean toilets with no problem and wonder why people wear gloves when they do it. I can kill and dispose of roaches. Even the ones so big you have to repeatedly hit them with sledge hammers to crack them into death.
Yesterday I sat and watched in fascinated awe as my massive banana spider sucked the living juices out of a beetle bigger than a strawberry with her mouth at one end as her man mated her at the other. This did not disgust me in the least.

But I will not and can not go scoop up a dead armadillo.

And so, I guess I'll just have to put up with vultures in my front yard, won't I?

Well, that's life and Mr. Moon is just going to have to deal with this when he gets home.

And that's me on a Friday in August of 2010. Owen was here until eleven last night and he gave both me and Mr. Moon more hugs and kisses than you can imagine. His Pop-Pop took care of him while I went to a rehearsal and then we fed him his supper. Well, he shared ours. He ate okra, cooked carrots, broccoli, and field peas and rice. With GUSTO! Then Pop-Pop got in the bath with him and they played duckies and I came in to wash the boy up and tuck him into his towel and dress him in his jammies and then Mr. Moon and I sat in the living room and fell into semi-comas as the boy ran around the room laughing hysterically and playing peek-a-boo behind the curtains.
And he'll be back in an hour.
And I need to do more laundry and take a shower and feed the chickens and try to get something going for dinner and hell, I don't know what all.

But I AM NOT DOING ANYTHING ABOUT THAT ARMADILLO! As god is my witness, I am not.

Happy Friday, y'all.

Love...Ms. Moon

P.S. I am so fucking proud of that judge in California that I could cry. FREEDOM FOR ALL, DAMMIT! FREEDOM FOR ALL!


  1. Well where are the niece and nephew when you need them to help get the armadillo on a shovel??! I only say this because we had a dead possum in our yard and the boys had no problem digging a grave and burying it.
    Your paragraph about roaches big enough that need a sledge hammer and about the banana spider eating her meal while servicing the male spider….had me reading it 3 times I loved it so much. I love watching spiders too. One fall we watched a spider build a web with anchors that spanned from a dogwood tree across a two car driveway to a fence. And then every morning she and her web were gone. And back again the next night to get those night bugs.

  2. This is hilarious! Very funny writing - especially the banana spider slurping down the beetle juices while her mate serviced her! Cracking the roach to death with a sledge hammer also made me laugh.

    I assume this was a turkey vulture - the Cherokee call them Peace Eagles since they don't kill anything and their scientific name is catharsis aura - golden purifier.

    You can read more about them here:

    I'm thinking this is a good omen for you!

  3. That is a big ole bird! Poor little armadillo...maybe the birds will eat it all gone?

    Glad we don't see birds that big here...I'd likely freak out.

  4. I appreciate the work of the vultures. Here we have giant black crows to do it for us. I don't pick up dead things either. You have to draw the line somewhere. (Farty, on the other hand, will pick up damn near anything, dead or alive.)

  5. I am shocked to my core that you're not cooking that armadillo.

    I'm sure there's a recipe in the Joy of Cooking.

    Really, I can see you out fighting the vultures for it in wide skirts right now.

  6. Yeah, Judge Man rocks. FOR SURE.

    How is the production going, Ms. Director?

  7. I just love the way you brings life to life, if you know what I mean.

  8. Michele R- And did you know that the spiders have to wait for a breeze to get those first connecting strands where they want them? They ARE the architects of the world.

    Delphyne- In theory I do not mind the turkey vultures (yes, you're right) at all. But close up in my yard they are something else. I know we need them, I wouldn't mind my own body being picked apart by them when the time comes, but they're still odd, scary birds to me.

    Rebecca- We have much bigger birds such as the owls and egrets and herons but these are different somehow.

    Rachel- Send Farty on over.

    Jo- I ain't THAT hungry. I have venison in the crockpot. Will that do?

    Ms. Bastard-Beloved- The production is going well due to the fact that we have an insanely talented cast. Thanks for asking, dear.

    Lo- I do so try. Thank-you, sweet woman!

  9. Damn straight, Judge. If Scalia opens his snotty little yap about this I will personally drive up to DC and smack the shit out of his pious ass.

  10. I called to give you a head's up about that, and see if we could come by with ... your birthday treasures...! I know, it's still going...

    Call me.

  11. "my massive banana spider sucked the living juices out of a beetle bigger than a strawberry with her mouth at one end as her man mated her at the other"
    I may ask to be reincarnated as a banana spider in my next life! Fewer decisions to make!
    You did good with the kiddies, who both had this 'impress me, oh Auntie who lives in the country and is keeping me from my friends and video games' attitude in the pictures you posted. They both looked very worldly, I was happy that they enjoyed walking on the ceiling.
    BTW - Happy belated birthday!

  12. Yes, I agree with you on all counts. I can handle lots of gross things, but I don't do dead well. I had a similar reaction to startling a great blue heron - no grunt, the the wing flap noise at takeoff was startling. I thought of teradactyls.
    You are a busy woman, Ms. Moon. All that and Owen too. The summer days just run together, don't they?
    Hooray for the judge in California and for Freedom for All!!
    Have a happy weekend.

  13. I cross the path of many vultures. That grunting sound is sometimes due to vomiting. They have some sort of reflex when they are startled and fly, they regurgitate...stuff. I can't remember the purpose. Defense mechanism of some kind maybe? I think half-digested rotten armadillo would keep me out of Mr. Buzzard's way!

  14. Good Lord -- it's a veritable wild kingdom over there at the Moon mansion.

  15. That's so cool you saw a banana spider eating and mating at the same time. I wouldn't be disgusted either. Spiders are fascinating.

  16. There is a job for everyone, and if clearing armadillos isn't yours, then it isn't yours.

    That judge in California seems to be part of the sensible minority. Long may it rule.

  17. I am not big on burying dead things either but have done it before. Vultures are neat animals.


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