Here’s the problem- if I’m not accomplishing things, if I’m not getting things DONE, I feel so completely worthless. Even though I logically know that time spent resting right now is time spent healing. That light activity is fine but overdoing it is simply self-destructive. And that honestly, my presence in this vast universe is so microscopically small that the idea of my worth being based on bean-picking is so ludicrous as to be evidence of insanity.
I think tomorrow I’ll clean out the hen house because god, it needs it.
No really. I might.
So I didn’t do much today. I am well into season five of The Office though. And I have four more quarts of beans in the freezer. And a loaf of bread in the oven.
But I didn’t do laundry and I didn’t sweep and I didn’t scrub anything.
It’s just overall been a sort of hard day for various reasons. Mostly because I haven’t had much energy. But nothing terrible. I’ve still been able to enjoy watching my chickens scratch about in the yard. I’ve gotten pleasure from the vase of zinnias I picked. I’ve laughed at The Office.
Mr. Moon and I have been watching a documentary series on Netflix called “The Last Dance.” It’s mostly about the Chicago Bulls and the team members and coach who came together to create an unprecedented basketball team. Michael Jordan is the central player in this story and despite the fact that I am one of the least interested people in the world when it comes to sport, the series has moved me deeply.
As with all good stories, it is the people and their stories which make for interest and drama and pathos. And there is plenty of all of that here. Some of these men were elevated almost to the status of gods and why not? Men of seemingly super-human strength and focus and determination and abilities. And let’s face it - they were gorgeous human beings. And when they acted like men instead of gods, the public somehow felt the right to criticize and deride them.
I think the ancient Greeks and Romans got it right when they allowed their deities to have god-sized human-like faults.
To add to my interest in the series there is of course the fact I am married to a man who spent the first almost thirty years of his life pursuing a basketball dream. He got his college education through his skills and abilities and efforts on the basketball court and the game took him to Europe where he lived for a few years playing pro ball there.
I never got to see him play then because I didn’t meet him until later but the way he carried himself as he moved through life both physically and in all other ways- with a quiet and sure confidence- helped me to fall in love with him. And as I grew to know him, I realized that the lessons he’d learned on the basketball court about giving things his all, about believing in himself, about sussing out a situation and coming to the most direct route to create the outcome he wanted no matter what it took- these were things I’d never seen in any of the men I’d known.
And I see all those things in Michael Jordan, Scotty Pippen, even Dennis Rodman in this documentary.
It’s rather fascinating.
And by the way- I am pretty sure that Michael Jordan figured out that defying gravity thing.
So that’s a little of what’s been going on here.
I’m healing, albeit sometimes slowly, my man is taking care of business as he always does, and I am still in wonderment that I lucked up and fell in love with this tall man and that he fell in love with me.
Bread’s out of the oven. It’s pretty.