Tuesday, July 26, 2016

Facts Of The Matter


It's been a day which has held a dream-like quality and I spoke to hardly anyone. I did hardly anything. I don't feel well. To say that every step hurts is an understatement. My energy is about at zero. Every damn thing I did today seemed to take a thousand times more effort than it should have.
I picked green beans and snipped zinnias and collected eggs and swept the front porches and did some laundry and finally unpacked and that took everything I had.
I took a nap and just lying on the bed was heaven. Would it be possible to spend a day in bed for no reason? I don't think I've ever done that in my life. I'm not sure I could unless I was sick.

Am I dying or depressed?

I don't have the slightest idea.

Mr. Moon just got home and he's gone out to the garage and I hear the chain saw. He's going to cut down the branch that fell on the garden. And now it's started to rain again. It rained this afternoon in a brief but impressive downpour, the temperature again dropping so quickly that I actually became chilled sitting on the porch and then it grew hot again and I know it's hot everywhere, not just here, and now as I write this, it grows cooler again.

No wonder we southerners are so crazy. We can't count on the weather or the politicians or the educational system or our crazy mothers. We're all halfway insane I think sometimes, some of us all the way there, the crazy road having been traveled successfully to its destination.
Ah well.
What are you gonna do?

Hillary Clinton just got the official nod as the Democratic candidate. I wish things weren't so conflicted so that we could simply boggle at the concept that a woman, a WOMAN, has gotten to that position. A grandmother. So that we could celebrate that. So that we could celebrate her. I have no idea what's going on in politics these days behind the scenes. Is Putin puppet-mastering Donald Trump's campaign? Are Bernie's supporters really so pissed that they'd rather throw their vote away, making a Trump presidency a reality than to vote for Hillary?

I don't know. I feel perfectly confused and exhausted and overwhelmed. I want to run away but would that solve anything?
Maybe tomorrow I'll take a walk and then just head to the river by myself. Take a chair and the book I'm reading. I could think about my friend Sue whose 67th birthday it would have been. She's been gone for 22 years and I still miss her bad. Real bad. She was wicked smart and funny as hell and life screwed her over seven ways from Sunday.
And then she died.

The rain is almost gone. The chickens are scratching for their last treats before roosting time. The feeder is filled with juvenile cardinals.

It's been a hard day for me. That's all there is to it. Some days are like that.

Yeah. They are. Despite the good and the beautiful and the fine, all of which I am completely aware of, they just are.

Love...Ms. Moon


16 comments:

  1. I've had those days, though for some reason, they seem to have slowed down in the past few weeks. There were days I'd get up, fix breakfast, put the dishes in to soak, make the bed, and lay down on it, only to wake three hours later. I didn't feel depressed, just unable and unwilling to do anything at all. I hope your situation changes soon, but if it doesn't, just take a nap. Naps and NyQuil are my cures for anything that ails ya!

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    1. Ug. I hate these days of not feeling like I can do anything.
      Naps are good.

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  2. I just want to tell you that you're wonderful and inspiring and I hope you feel better soon. And those zinnias are gorgeous!

    And hey....less than 100 years ago women didn't even have the right to vote...and now Hillary Clinton is the democratic nominee for president! Wow!

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    1. The mood I'm in I feel like- WHY DID IT TAKE A HUNDRED GODDAM YEARS? But I sure am glad it's finally happened. Now...if this country can just get its head out of its ass and vote her into office in November.

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  3. I'm sorry you aren't feeling well. I think I am not feeling well this evening also, must be a little bug. I wish I didn't have to work tomorrow, I would rather go to the river. Love you, and hope you feel better.
    Liky

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  4. Hope you get to take it easy tomorrow. Feel better, Mama. I love you.

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  5. I'm sorry you feel lousy and you had a hard day. Days like that suck. They just do.

    In politics, I have to content myself with the fact that despite Russia and the DNC and Hillary's e-mail server and all the other BS floating around out there right now, she is STILL the best candidate for the job, hands-down. So it just comes down to that. The rest of the noise is just noise, at least for me.

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    1. Yes. Just noise. I agree. And honestly- if she were a man, I doubt it would be this noisy.

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  6. I would say have a day off but I just know that wont happen. It may be a viral schmiral ting ... Thats what the dr told me yesterday (not in those words) and prescribed 3 days total rest! haha! one day would be a fine miracle.
    I hope you feel better by today and make it to the river with a book, sounds like heaven. I keep going back to your photos of the river nr Asheville ... beautiful x

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    1. That day in Asheville was perfectly and honestly beautiful. Thank you, Ms. Bugerlugs.

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  7. nothing wrong with spending an entire day in bed. personally, I think the human race went insane long ago. maybe it's our big brains, just too much in there to keep it together. smaller brained animals don't seem to suffer from the stupidity that humans do. anyway, I'm starting to challenge the general consensus of opinion that Hillary is corrupt. she is the most investigated person on the planet, millions of dollars have been spent trying to bring her down and not one indictment much less an actual trial and conviction. I want people who continue to spread the slander to actually come across with some proof...who, what, where, how, and when. otherwise they are just spouting an unsupported opinion. (and accepting money for a speaking engagement is not corruption).

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    1. Agree, agree, agree! You are so right, Ellen!

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  8. I hope you did take that chair and a book to the river. Or napped all day. When that heaviness comes over me, I can spend a day barely moving from the couch. Don't be guilty, it will pass. Let it be. Sending love.

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Tell me, sweeties. Tell me what you think.