That was me last night in my wind tunnel.
This morning I am completely over this shit.
All of it.
The heat, the killings, the climate change, the stupidity of certain politicians and their followers, the stupidity of what would appear to be most of humankind.
And my stomach hurts.
I'm reading a book about a Cuban woman born in 1789 and on the one hand, it's fascinating. Buildings described in the book are some of the same I saw myself a few weeks ago. And it's also depressing.
Slavery was a fact of life. So was the ripping out of the forests to make sugar plantations, coffee plantations, tobacco plantations.
I go to the news here and the sugar companies, as we speak, are destroying the singularly sensitive environment of Florida and have been for generations. They fit hand-in-glove with the slimy grasp of Florida politicians, our governor the most prominent. The sins of the slave-owners are still murderously evident in the daily news.
And yet, I wish I had read that book before I went to Cuba. Here's the link to the website about it with pictures, a little video, some background.
Humankind (what a misnomer) is ever fascinating, even when it is cruel and evil. The history of our places and races leads to the world we live in now for the good and for the horrible.
All of it is making me cry today.
So did this.
I went to the post office and found a box waiting for me filled with mangoes from Roseland! The sweeties from whom we rent when we go stay there on the magical piece of property with the lion pool have been planting mangoes and got a decent crop this year. I have been watching them grow for years and Glenn, the man who is mostly in charge of the yard and what grows in it, says that the best mango, in his opinion, is the one that was planted by the original owners and which must have been growing there when I was a child and stumbled onto that property, abandoned and as mysterious to me as the ruins of Tulum and Chichen Itza and Palenque were to Stephens and Catherwood. Glenn has marked each fruit with its name. He used to own a restaurant in Atlanta and was the chef there. He knows flavor. I can't wait to try these and there are too many for us to eat all by ourselves and so I will share with Lily and her family.
Sometimes the goodness, the pure, sheer goodness of human beings knocks me out, even as the pure sheer evil of humans knocks me down.
There is no purpose to this post. It is Friday and it is hot and the AC fan has still not arrived and even the crickets seem stunned into silence and I have a box of mangoes from Roseland on one counter and a bowl with thawing brim that my husband caught on another. I think I am just overwhelmed with it all, the sweetness and the horror and the heat. The bounty, the beauty, the light, the darkness, the vile, the absolute unfathomable mess of life on earth, now and as it has forever been.
Lily is coming over and we are going to make sandwiches and go to the river and by god, I'll probably go back tonight with my husband.
Happy Friday, y'all.