Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Opposable Thumbs Just Lead To Monkey Business



I've got company coming on Friday and so of course this means I should be cleaning. I did clean two bathrooms and a bedroom yesterday. This took me approximately eight hours. It's not that I'm really a very good cleaner, it's just that, well, I get distracted.
Birds fly in and I have to take their picture and rescue them.
Wisteria keep popping out.
Chickens keep laying eggs.
There are weeds in the garden.
Things must be fussed with.
I must create a tableau in the bathroom of jewelry and fabric samples.


I must come check the blog.

I must wander around, drunk on spring. Mainly, I must wander around, drunk on spring.

The Fabuloso gets lost from one bathroom to the next. My polishing cloth disappears and then I find it in my pocket. I realize I need yet another cleaning tool or solution and have to go to the other end of the house to find it. The tape on my Walkman comes to an end and I have to go put in another. I have to write a letter to a local church in response to a postcard they sent me which said, "Because there is Easter, we can live Fearless!"

I mean really, wouldn't you?

Oh Lord. And I say that in the most loving way. Oh Lord. There. I said it again.

It's spring. There are plants to repot and move and water. I have wild phlox I want to transplant all over the yard! ALL OVER THE YARD!

And the toilets and tubs wait patiently with their evil chemicals in them for me to scrub them. And the Fabuloso gets lost again. And where the hell is that fucking dustpan?! And oh hell, I forgot to check the tung tree's progress today. Better go do that.

And the black mold still grows on the walls and honestly, nothing but Clorox and paint would solve that problem. And a fifteen-foot ladder. And the paint peels off the ceiling in the hallway. And the rugs need throwing out, seriously, they do. And there is dust an inch thick on everything and going out to take pictures of violets is not going to get it removed.

And neither is trying to feed Elvis some Oxalis.


Or going out to check and see if Miss Carol is still on the nest.


(She is and she's as mean as she looks and I do not even try to check underneath her because that bitch will take your arm OFF!)

And then! Oh my god! Is the wisteria blooming way up in the trees, too? Yes! Yes it is!


And while I'm out, I might as well go take a picture of the lettuce and chard growing in the garden which will be part of the salad for Friday night's supper.


Meanwhile, the dogs have the right idea.


Dogs don't give a shit about mold on the walls or dirt on the baseboards. They could care less if the jewelry is arranged just so. The idea of cleaning the rugs would never occur to them. In fact, the rugs are JUST THE WAY THEY LIKE THEM! Covered in their hair and smelling just like...dogs.

I think we could all learn from the dogs. They know enough to just lay down in the dirt in the sun and gaze out at the glory.

They are drunk on spring and they pass out from their drunkenness wherever the notion takes them. And then they get up and bring some some more dirt in and get a drink out of the toilet and then they go back out and piss on the violets and take note of the chickens scratching busily on the other side of the fence and then they go back to sleep.

Who the hell needs opposable thumbs on a day like today? Opposable thumbs only force you to do things like mop. And write laws. And send postcards. They just lead to trouble and get in the way of naps.

I think I have Dog Envy today.

Happy Wednesday, y'all.

Love...Ms. Moon Who Is Drunk On Spring And Is Having To Use All Her Willpower Not To Take A Nap

18 comments:

  1. Look at that; spring is still late in even thinking about arriving here, and look at your flowers, your gardens....sigh.

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  2. It's a good thing the weather wasn't this nice two weeks ago when I was cleaning my house for all the wedding company I was having. I worked myself silly and it was a good excuse for spring cleaning, but I'm glad it's over! That wisteria is gorgeous by the way. I just got back from a walk around the FSU campus and there was so much wisteria that the fragrance almost kept me from coming back to my office. I wish I was one of those dogs right now.

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  3. I think feeding chickens/hubby, getting distracted by tableaux creating, and wisteria are much more important than being spic and span.

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  4. Love the pic of the puppies.

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  5. that dog picture is a hoot! Who knew they could be so orderly?

    Hey, I got that job I was telling you about! Sadly I have to leave New Orleans for it, but I'm excited to move forward with my life!

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  6. Opposable thumbs are overrated. Big damn deal.

    I would buy Fabuloso just for the name alone, if I could find the shit. Don't sell it in these parts.

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  7. I want me some spring now! I am going to get up in a few minutes and take some photos around with Barry's help. I am still too dizzy - no editorial comments from anyone here, please - to try and make it downstairs by myself and I will take photos of the newly re-arranged atelier that will never be done again as long as I live because it was a horrendous job and although I am happy we did it, I would rather laid with the dogs in the dirt and not trying to move things in place since we didn't have any place upstairs where to move things in and out. Take a nap, you.

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  8. Ha, those dogs. Arranged by size, even.

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  9. the first thing that pooped into my head when I saw your tableau of jewelery and fabric samples was 'oh, bless her heart'. You're rubbing off on me :)

    And I love your header, but my brain always goes to 'tell the truth and shame the devil' :)

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  10. I am so jealous of whoever your company is. I just got such a yearning to bring my brood to stay at your beautiful house and wake to your beautiful light. One day!!!

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  11. PLUS my Ian LOVES HUNTING and would worship Mr. Moon.

    oh my gosh! my word veri is:

    foxenify

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  12. Kori- We are reeling in it here.

    Lois- I haven't been able to stay inside for more than half an hour at a time all day. Needless to say- not much housework done here.

    Aden- Well, obviously, me too.

    SJ- It's a hoot, isn't it?

    Nola- I know. Lined up by age and size. I couldn't have made them pose that way if I'd tried to.
    And I am SO happy you got that job. I hope that house is still for sale.

    Allegra- Sometimes you have to do what makes the soul happy. And although I did not nap, I sort of wandered around on my feet asleep all day. Slow, upright napping.

    DTG- I know. I was amazed.

    Lucy- It's to listen to books on and the library still has thousands of tapes.
    I have an iPod. I hardly ever use it.

    Jo- Well bless YOUR heart. And that is a good saying too.

    Maggie May- Well. Here we are. Bring 'em on! Hope you're not allergic to black mold, though.

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  13. I especially loved this part:
    Who the hell needs opposable thumbs on a day like today? Opposable thumbs only force you to do things like mop. And write laws. And send postcards. They just lead to trouble and get in the way of naps.

    You're the best. And I agree.
    My cleaning is like that too.
    I love the line of dogs and mean chicken.
    It doesn't seem like spring here yet. We've had flooding rain.
    Love your garden, your photos, your view.

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  14. Bethany- I am so lucky and I know it.

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  15. I bought the lavender Fabuloso awhile back, and I couldn't stand the smell.

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  16. Spring is awesome. I did take a nap after work today. I was beat.

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  17. Ha! I thought I was the only one with distractions! Me cleaning sounds like you...yep it does. I take forever to clean. Everytime I have to get something (cleaning rag, cleaners, vacuum, etc) there is a distraction. Yep...I like and hate the distraction but that is the way it is and all that dust will still be there but what catches the eye outside may not be seen if I don't sidetrack myself...walk outside....that little meow on my Mac that signals an email...is calling me...it may be important.
    Your poochies all in a row...too cute. You described poochies so well. They get ....lolling in the sun taking a nap. Wish I liked to loll in the dirt but give me a hammock or a cozy rocker outside and I could dream away.....

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