I cannot get tired of the camellias. Here are two which may be Pink Perfection. I am not sure. But they are pink and they are perfection. I planted so many camellias in the yard when I moved in and this year, six years later, they are finally blooming and they make me so happy. To think- I planted and nurtured these and here they are- well. There is nothing as sweet as the watching of something you started to grow, whether it is a baby or a tree or a shrub or a jade tree or a begonia or a chicken or a bowl of bread dough, rising high on yeasty shoulders.
Mr. Moon is sick and this is something which only happens every other year or so. He does not get sick. I don't get sick very often either. We are people who do not get sick. This is part of our identity, but perhaps even more so for my husband than for me. I swear, neither of us has really been ill (except for my mental illness two summers ago) for over three years. He either has a bad cold or a bit of the flu. He aches, he has congestion, he is tired, his back hurts, he sweats then chills then sweats again. And it is so hard for him to admit that he is ill. He must really feel bad for him to go lie down in his reclining chair and fall asleep without even the TV on or his computer open on his lap. He apologizes for being so...weakly. He can't stand it. He is the man. He has a garden to fence, a living to earn. But his body has taken over and demanded rest and he is getting it right now. I'm going to let him sleep for awhile and then make him a supper, after which I hope he will let me draw him a bath, then put him to bed. He really does love to be nurtured and taken care of. Don't we all? But it's hard for him, as it is hard for me. I hope I can convince him to stay home tomorrow but it will be a fight. I know that man.
A relationship is like any other thing which you start and nurture and watch grow. You come to know that person, you have to learn how to slip in the things he or she needs while they're not looking, like grating zucchini in the spaghetti sauce for your children. You have to be bossy, you have to be meek, you have to step up, you have to step back. It's as fancy as any dance there is. A difficult dance, sometimes, and sometimes the most whirling and fabulous and dizzying of all. And you have to want to do it with all of your bones, your body, your heart, your soul, or the energy for such a dance is going to be overwhelming. Sometimes when you are dead tired in spirit and in body, the one you love may need something of you that you don't feel you have the energy to give. In fact, it may be at a time when you yourself feel that you need, you NEED, to be given that nurturing, that love, that attention, that...whatever.
Well. That's what I've found anyway.
And what happens then?
I'm not sure. All I know is that I have found for me, in my relationship with my husband, that sometimes you just have to put your own needs aside for a bit and just pour it on that other person. Pour it on like maple syrup you got on sale, like honey you brought home in a crystal jar. And invariably, it has come back to me when I've done this.
It's not unlike the way you are when you're a parent. You're dead tired and you haven't slept more than two hours in a row for weeks and the baby needs you to get up in the night for nursing, for diaper changing, for walking endless miles around the living room floor with him. And you do it. You walk in your sleep, you change the diaper, you offer the breast, the bottle. Or you're preoccupied with something going on in your life and your older child needs to talk, needs to bounce what's going on in his or her life against you and even though you do not have the energy, you do not have the time, you stop what you're doing and you do it. You listen, you talk, you let your child know you are there. That you care. That you love him. Or her.
And when all is said and done, you know you have given all that you can give and then some and that child never forgets. Never.
And so it is with a partner. Despite the fact that the partner is an adult, there are times when they cannot be ignored, nor can their needs. You cook a favorite meal, you tickle their fancy, you draw them a bath, you rub their feet, you tell them you love and appreciate them and all that they do. You let them know that you are aware of what they bring to the relationship.
Well, so it is for me. Even a very big, strong man to whom I have been married to for over twenty-five years needs to be reminded that I am really and truly here for him. He pretends he hates that I have to "do" for him sometimes. But really? I know he loves it. And so I ignore his protestations and I take care of him the best I can and as much as he'll let me.
Because I love him and because I would no more risk him not feeling that than I would go out and cut down a camellia that I had planted and watched grow into maturity.
Why in the world would I do that? I would lose those glossy leaves, those perfect blossoms that give me so much pleasure.
And now I am off to cook his supper and I am happy to do so. He is my love and our relationship is one of the things I have worked most hard at in my life and with the most amazing reward.
We dance so well together, Mr. Moon and I, despite our differences in both size and ways. We have figured it out and if I have anything to say about it, we will be dancing together for the rest of our lives, twirling and dipping, spinning and touching. If I have my way. We will be.
A sweet entry. Glad that you are going to take care of your hubby. For us, we are both bad sick people, and do better with being left alone. Hope he feels better in a day or two.
ReplyDeleteKen- I am trying to take care of him. I think he may actually stay home tomorrow. Jeez. He must really feel like shit.
ReplyDeletedear god in heaven, those flowers ARE perfection.
ReplyDeletelove to you and mr *sniffle kerchoo* moon.
Poor Daddy. Would you tell him for me that I love him once, I love him twice, I love him more than beans and rice? He must be feeling bad if he's staying home tomorrow. If you get sick, I will have to come take care of the both of you! Oh my. Well, just give me until Friday if you do plan on getting sick too, and then I will have all of spring break.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, I love the way you and Papa dance together. Oddly enough, you do fit so perfectly together.
Oh, and I love your mermaid picture. I am thinking about the beach, too.
Sigh. You're a better woman than I. I hate when my husband gets sick -- it's difficult to muster up the compassion... not sure why, either.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry sweet Glen is sick. If you want to share sick sweetheart sob stories, I'm ready, my sweet Jack is feeling miserable tonight, too. Sleeping as I write. Miss you already! Can't wait for a reunion on the 13th! Love you J
ReplyDeletethose are some damn gorgeous flowers
ReplyDeletehope mr. moon feels better soon. it sucks to feel sick
Oh, yesterday I went to Logee's, this famous nursery right near my house and I was walking and wandering and awed and guess what I saw, those exact flowers I think. And I wouldn't even have known what they were if it wasn't for you. I thought oh, this is what they look like in person, for real, no wonder she goes on and on. I got to see them at all different blooming stages, and the glossy leaves, and oh my, I know, I know. And you GREW all those from 6 years ago and I applaud you and nature and just wow at it all. And you and tall Mr Moon make me so happy. I love your loving, your living, your talk.
ReplyDeleteYes, you will be. Dance on.
Oh, poor Mr. Moon. Hope he feels better right quick! You are a good wife taking care of your man like that.
ReplyDeleteSending much love and healing thoughts. He is like B.Loved, no problem taking care of me but heaven help us all when it comes time for me to take care of him. He is moody, taciturn, and frumpy all around when he is sick. I guess men have this weird idea than being sick and "showing" sick is some kind of weakness or something akin to that.
ReplyDeleteBut tit for tat is fairness at its best so in spite of the fact that he tells me not to fuss over him, I do it anyway. That way I don't feel guilty when he fusses over me. But I love to be fussed over, unlike most men. Tell him that I am sending love and I will post a recipe for Moroccan oranges from the days of my youth just for him and you will make them and he will be happy and well again.
And now I am getting in trouble for practicing medicine without a license. Wait...I did have one somewhere around in the storage space. Saved.
I wish I'd had that and am delighted that you do. I've been more of a relationship sprinter than marathon runner, unfortunately. Hope Mr. Moon feels better soon and am glad he has you to care for him and that you have him to care for you. :-)
ReplyDeleteso so beautiful .
ReplyDeleteand that giving comes back . Sometimes we don't see how or know when. But it does.
Great post Ms Moon. Give him a hug for us.
ReplyDeleteAnd... you are the queen, so you WILL get your way! Happy Dancing!
xo pf
PS Umcka works the best of anything I've ever seen on helping colds run the course and easing symptoms. You can definitely get it at New Leaf, and maybe even publix. I officially swear by it! (And it's all organic stuff!)
Oh, I hope Mr. Moon is feeling better! It's so hard to keep someone resting when it's not his nature to rest. I'm going through this with my tazmanian devil son right now.
ReplyDeleteOh, those are some gorgeous flowers! I am still intimidated by planting. At this point, I don't think I'd do well tending to anything else besides my boy and my man, and the cats and plants we already have. One day, one day...
ReplyDeleteI feel like my writing life is on hold for a while, but I can't feel too bad about that when I have things like this to read and curl up in. You make everything sound so calm and cozy, and it makes me want to show up on your doorstep and get some of that for myself.
I hope Mr. Moon feels better soon--how could he not, with such care?
What a sweet, sweet post. I too have found that what I pour on is returned to me.
ReplyDeleteThe flowers are gorgeous!
Aw, poor Dad. Is he okay? Did you fix him a warm breakfast and put him to sleep in the recliner?
ReplyDeleteAdrienne- You would swoon at the actual fact of the camellias. I know you would.
ReplyDeleteHoneyLuna- I will tell Daddy. And maybe you and Melissa should go to the island for spring break. Although I know you want me to go too to cook for you. Which I would love to do.
Elizabeth- Let me ask you this- when you are sick, does he take care of you? Just wondering. Because when I am sick I feel as if I could die alone and parched in my bed which makes it hard to be compassionate.
Jan- Oh no! I think we need an infirmary. Give Jack my love and take some for yourself.
Michelle- He refuses to submit but I am trying to take care of him.
Bethany- Now you know why they are my favorite flowers. Well, those and magnolia blossoms. And I do love the crayon-colored zinnias of summer.
Angie M- Oh girl. I try.
Allegra- Moroccan Oranges? YES! Love you, dear.
Joy- Slow and steady is our way.
Deb- It does. Really.
Ms. Fleur- Yep. He stayed home.
Rachel- Boys! Men! Same-same.
Randi- Life is too full to fit in everything. I feel so honored that you fit me in. Thank-you.
Lora- And that's a truth that many people would do well to remember.
DTG- Yes and yes. You know me.
I wish you two that eternal dance. You are lovely. Such good advice for those of us who have had a failed marriage.
ReplyDeleteI love you!
I hope Mr. Moon recovers swiftly and that you are able to keep yourself healthy.
ReplyDelete