Futile hopes, as it turned out today.
I have a dress in mind that I could wear every night in Cuba. I found one on the Sundance catalog site which looks perfect, but they only have it in X-Large and someone commented that the dress ran very large in its sizing and so forget that.
Of course, the stores I went to may have been the problem. All the finest shoppes!
The local hippie place.
No luck. No luck at all.
I went to Barnes and Noble to find a travel book on Havana. Again- no luck. They had three Cuban travel guidebooks and although they were lovely and I am sure just chock full of information, I am only going to be in Havana. I suppose I should content myself with internet searches.
Or hell. Maybe I should just go and see what I am lead to see, but one does like to have a little basis for thought, shouldn't one?
One of the reasons I am not feeling as much anxiety about this trip as I could be is that I will HAVE NO CONTROL OVER ANYTHING. I am going to go where I am taken, sleep where I am told to sleep, eat where I am told to eat, shop where I am told to shop, be where I am supposed to be when I am supposed to be there. There will be some choices to make, I'm sure, but didn't I sign a document saying that I'd just do whatever my approved group leader told me to do?
I'm trying not to overthink this. I just want to be a good little traveler (I'd say tourist but the document I signed also made me state that I would NOT be thinking of this trip as a vacation and I would NOT be thinking of myself as a tourist) and do what I am supposed to do and hold Lis's lipstick for when she needs it. And be amazed.
And so it went in town, driving from one place to another. I spent so much time in traffic at red lights that I almost gave myself an entire manicure. I keep an emory board in the car for just that purpose. Why waste time?
So that was my day and I did buy myself a new journal because there will be very little internet access in Havana and so I will be writing down my adventures and impressions by hand in ink on paper. I am more excited about this than I probably should be.
Now it is time to make the supper. I am suspended in a place between there and here at this point but I do need to attend to the needs of the present, both in time and space. Life goes on and laundry needs doing and food needs to be cooked and eaten. I am doing a lot of disassociating and very often I find myself taking a deep, gulping breath as a wave of...excitement? nervousness? anxiety?...washes over me and I can feel my feet and hands go a bit numb. I am moving through a different ocean of feelings and so forth but I need to remember to be mindful of where I am at the moment. It does no good whatsoever to trip off into future trips.
Sweet potatoes are grounding. So are corn muffins with blueberries.
At least I hope they will be.