Thursday, April 14, 2016

The World According To Me And Barney Fife

Remember when biorhythms were a thing? I remember people having charts of their upcoming biorhythms posted on their refrigerators so they could keep track and be alerted to sudden down-turns.
Who knows? Maybe they're real.
I'll tell you what is real.
I still feel like shit.
I'm sleeping about 12 hours a day. The rest of the time I'm still getting shit done (hey! I mopped the kitchen yesterday!) but it takes me forever.
Oh well.
What I really want to talk about is Luna the World's Oldest Cat. She's developed some sort of respiratory malfunction and is spraying ancient cat snot everywhere. She is not happy. She just sits there and sort of almost falls over and catches herself and...oh god.
It's time.
Mr. Moon is calling the vet this morning to see if we can get a deal on kill-one/neuter-one.
Does that sound callous? No, it's callous and cruel that we've let Luna go on this long and obviously, Jack should have been de-balled months ago. His behavior is fine but it's not fair to let him impregnate any non-spayed females whom he may encounter. My next door neighbor has taken in a pregnant female as we speak and Jack could well be the father.

In other nature news, the baby chicks are growing fast. They've suddenly lost that newly hatched biddie smell and have taken on the next-level of growing chicken odor. I can't really describe it but it's a true thing. Like when your baby has been taking in nothing but breastmilk and you introduce solids and suddenly- their poop smells different and when I say "different" I mean, not as good. This is what will motivate us to get them other living arrangements set up. At least during the daytime. It's so easy to go to the Tractor Supply and buy some darling cute little puffballs of birds but the reality of the situation is that it's going to take a lot of time and a lot of patience and a little work to raise them up big enough to introduce them to the flock. It's not unlike having a few drinks with your sweetheart and deciding that you'll let caution fall to the winds and go have sex in the back seat of your vehicle in the parking lot and next thing you know you're enrolling some child in kindergarten.
Oh wait. That's not the same thing at all.
Well, it sort of is.
Sex and babies.
We humans are hard-wired to really like both of those things. Simple and true fact and that's why we're here.
Now that I've explained the meaning of life to you, I will let you go about your business.

I should go take a walk but it's about to rain again and so I won't. The rain has been wonderful, doing all of my watering work for me in the garden and yard, keeping things cool and lovely.

All right. Proceed with caution unless your biorhythms are in a spectacularly high place and perhaps you should check your horoscope as well. Drink green tea, eat wheat germ, (unless you have a gluten intolerance, of course- consult your doctor), read a good book, tend to your babies whether they be human, poultry or sprouting avocado seeds. Get plenty of rest, think long and hard before throwing caution to the winds and then go ahead and do whatever you want. Try not to get any ancient cat snot on you.
And if all else fails, watch reruns of the Andy Griffith Show because after all these years, that's still one of the best things on the television.

Love...Ms. Moon


  1. Poor Luna. It's been a long time coming.

  2. Good for you and Mr. Moon. I know the feeling of putting off going to the vet. One of our cats has worse than usual cat breath and I suspect a tooth problem. But I'm so worried about her being given anesthesia (she is overweight) that I am dragging my feet on it. I just have to steel myself and go.

  3. You are good to those animals. You are right, it is time for Luna. I've enjoyed when you mention her. There are others you will continue to mention and we'll all enjoy hearing about them too.

  4. My sympathy to you about Luna. It's very difficult to know when it's the right time.

  5. I absolutely loved this post!!

  6. we finally got some rain (and hail!) after weeks of no rain. and yah, I still blame my biorhythms when I'm in a pissy mood.

  7. Biorhythms. I haven't heard that word in ages.

    Poor Luna! But not all cats live to be ancient -- it sounds like she's had a full life. Poor thing.


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