I just got off the phone with one of my oldest friends in the world. Her darling younger sister died on Sunday and I am heartbroken for the family. This sister had gone through several bouts with cancer and it's been a miracle, having her as long as they did. Which is no real consolation when someone you love that much dies.
It's just hard.
It's just so hard.
Anyway, I am thinking of them, this family that I've known since I was a child and I know they midwifed that sister girl on out the best anyone could and with love all around. That is something to be glad about. To be proud of. To know they loved her into death. I would so wish that for us all.
It's been a day. Steel gray sky all day long, temperatures dropping. They've ordered the schools closed tomorrow, the bank where Mr. Moon has his office will be closed until eleven. I guess this is a big deal although it really doesn't seem like such. Atlanta is getting snow and things have shut down there. We're just not set up properly here in the southern climes for such events. Well, it's going to be what it is.
Pete Seegar died yesterday which I guess everyone in the world knows by now. What can I say about the man that hasn't been said already a million times? He was ninety-four so he had a good long span of this stuff we call life and he used it well. I hear he was chopping wood ten days before he died. He never gave up the fight for what he considered to be right and he fought with music and smiles and if that's not the right way to do it, I don't know what is.
I went to the dentist this morning and despite the fact that I knew nothing scary at all was going to happen I got myself into a frantic tizzy by the time I got there. All was well, of course, and I talked to the girl who was checking my tooth and told her I was going through a lot of anxiety again. I swear- they are just so incredibly compassionate and caring there. She went and talked to the dentist and he gave me a 'script for four Xanax and just having that piece of paper in my purse made me feel about ten thousand times better. When I go see my NP tomorrow, I'm going to discuss all of this with her. Part of me feels ridiculous for needing medication for something like anxiety which sounds like needing medication for a hangnail but fuck it. When something takes hold of you so hard that you don't know what you're doing or what you've just done, you need some relief. I got the prescription filled and it's tucked away and I'll take a bit of one tomorrow before I go to my appointment but not too much because god knows I don't want to die on some icy road because I'm too stoned on anxiety medication which I needed because I was going to talk to my primary care provider about getting some anxiety medication because I was so anxious.
After the dentist I went over to Lily's and we got those boys dressed and we went and looked at a house Lily and Jason sure would like to buy. Maybe. The house needs a lot of work on it but the yard- Lord. There must be at least twenty camellias in that yard, all of them twenty or thirty or maybe forty years old. Maybe older. Owen could climb them and did. They have become a forest. There's also fig trees and a satsuma and a grapefruit and live oaks and pines and it's a glory. We didn't go in the house but peeked in the windows. The kitchen's a flat-out mess and probably hasn't been redone since the house was built in the fifties but that's the sort of thing you can work on as time goes by and money becomes available. It was easy to see a dream form in Lily's eyes as we walked around that yard. We went to the library and then we went and picked up Hank and headed over to Fanny's to see what Taylor was cooking. May was there and should not have been. She ran fever all last night and was sick as a dog. She wasn't getting near customers or food and was just there to do the office work but I wish she'd been home in bed. You never ever get over fretting about your babies, no matter how old they are. This is just a fact of life. We sure had a good lunch, though.
And then I came on home after I got my four pills and groceries. All anyone can talk about is this possible storm of ice and cold. Good grief- it's supposed to be back up to seventy by Friday. Doesn't take much to get us riled around here.
Well, it's raining full-on now. Coming down hard. This is what the weather radar looks like at the moment:
Animated and everything.
But this is true rain, no ice or snow or sleet involved. Yet. Messy night. Mr. Moon is on his way home and I'll be glad when he's safe and beside me again. It's the kind of weather where you want all your chicks to be under your wings, or at least safe in their own nests.
It's been a complicated day, full of every sort of thing and I am grateful to have been a part of it, even the parts which involved sorrow and anxiety.
If we wake up tomorrow to find icicles hanging from the eaves, I'll be sure to take pictures.
Sending love to everyone tonight. That means you.