Friday, January 3, 2014

Not So Bad A Day

This camellia is blooming now. I think it is exquisite.
I felt good enough today to go out and pick it. This is major.

I spent quite a bit of time on the phone today with Norma Jean, the receptionist for the periodontal surgeon. The antibiotic I've been on hasn't really done shit so I had to steel myself (and you have no idea how much internal fortitude this took) to call in and report that fact and she and the Dr. conferred and the bottom line is- I'm going in next Friday to get the tooth out of there and there will be bone grafts.

Fuck me.

But Norma Jean (whom I am in deep love with at the moment) told me that she too had had an extraction and bone graft and it wasn't that bad. She also started listing all the drugs they would be giving me for the procedure and I was like, "Shut up. Okay. I'm there."

They think I'm a complete flake at the periodontal surgeons.

My. How completely right they are. I think they believe I'm afraid of pain although I told them it wasn't the pain at all. That I'd had four kids without anesthesia, three at home, one weighing over ten pounds. I don't LIKE pain but that's not what I'm afraid of.
I don't actually know what I'm afraid of but it's not pain.

Anyway, la-di-dah. Let's get this show on the road. Yank that motherfucker and give me the gold from the crown and let me get it melted down into something I can wear around my neck.

God it's cold. And getting colder. Mr. Moon and I have been playing cards and listening to records and now I'm about to cook some snow crab legs and I've gotten some sweet news that I'm not really ready to talk about because anxiety is like being in a glass cage where everything that happens on the outside isn't really real but I think it is and fuck me if the Augmentin isn't starting to work and maybe I'll live.

Ain't that camellia beautiful?

I picked it. Myself. From a bush I planted nine years ago.

Still alive.

Love...Ms. Moon


  1. Thank god for all of it, every little bit of it that stitches the good cape to throw over your shoulders and keep you warm and at peace. I love you so.

  2. Augmenten is one strong motherfucker. I hope it helps soon. Thinking of your sweet news and hoping it stays just as sweet. Love you, MM.

  3. It's the invasion of privacy for me with dentists. Like my mouth holds all my secrets and in fact it does. The soft highway of the throat. All those fingers prying. It's awful but be glad you can have it done Mary. Be glad for that.

  4. So glad you're picking camellias. And Radish King nailed it for me: I am always terrified of the dentist (and let's not talk about the spiral of panic and anxiety having my wisdom teeth yanked 3 years ago, at age 33, sent me into. So glad you're getting drugs! I was allergic. BOO.) And I'm so glad you got sweet news. Stay warm, mary moon.

  5. Angella- You are an angel. Thank you. For everything.

    SJ- It is working already. Better living through chemistry. Amen!

    Madame Rebecca- I am. I am, I am, I am. Grateful. And that is the thing with all doctors- they can get access to our sins and our bodies. Oh. How embarrassing it is to be human! As St. Vonnegut said.

    Sara- I AM staying warm. I think we all hate dentists and no wonder their rate of suicide is so high although what would we do without them? And they do have the best drugs. I am so sorry you were allergic to them. I can't even imagine.

  6. Hang in there Ms. Moon, and hope the drugs can work their magic until the doctor can take care of it permanently. Also look forward to hearing your news. Take care of yourself and have a great weekend.

  7. Dentists (though not on purpose) invade our personal space. When would it ever be appropriate for a person outside those we love the most to get that close. It is damn creepy.

  8. Well, if you have to get the motherfucker yanked out I think you should be able to find a silver lining in getting some drugs for a bit ;)

    Sweet news! Oh, I can't wait.

  9. I take a LOT of Augmentin for my sinuses and ears. After the sinus infection from hell, there's only one ear drum left functioning, so any incursions into my sinuses are now met with drugs. Stout heart with the perio dude. I can personally recommend alprazolam for anxiety. My dentist thinks I am a nut bag when he sees me levitate in the chair during a cleaning.

  10. I have had awful dental work and I AM scared of the pain and I let them know it and I would have preferred being put completely to sleep even though I know that is not good for you. I can't help it. I don't like pain. I don't like feeling bad. If... Never mind. All these good things that can't be talked about are hard to sit with as if it's all about me or something. I do wish you some sweet good. You deserve it. It's time. Sweet Jo

  11. It is an exquisite blossom.

    I am in awe that you actually went to the dentist. I can't muster the courage, not to mention the cash.
    I admit, I am afraid of the pain.

    Bundle up.

  12. God, all these drugs I've never heard of. oh well.
    I had to have a molar pulled about a month ago and was scared to death, but I swear it was a piece of cake and the tooth broke in the process. Not nice to hear fear in your peridonist's voice, but seriously it wasn't bad. And, the bone graft was about nothing. I have serious fear of pain, but there was also a thing going on with me about losing a physical part of myself and the getting old and loss thing. Like, what next?

  13. They didn't create that awful scene in "Marathon Man" with the Olivier dentist for nothing, right? It's just the most godawful position -- so vulnerable and stupid -- lying on your back with your mouth open.

    I'm so glad that you're feeling a mite, a tad better and hope it goes up and up and up. And that camellia is gorgeous, too.

  14. Glad you're starting to feel better - just focus on being out the other side of the dental work. It'll all be ok.

    I AM afraid of dental pain. Childbirth pain is one thing I can handle but tooth nerve pain aint the same category. Unmedicated birth, hell yes, no anaesthic dentistry? Never. However, you did have bigger babies and more pain than me, so what do I know?

    I know what you mean though. It's just ... unnatural, dental work. Some days I'd rather lose them all and get dentures just so I didn't have to worry about it anymore.

  15. what the radish king said. having people's hands in my mouth gives me the absolute worst anxiety. the last time i went to the dentist (to get some teeth put back in) i had to get drunk to go. so, imagine 20 year old me, pounding a 40 oz of really bad malt liquor, just to be able to get into the door.


  16. My dad grew camellias but the few times I tried they didn't survive. Love them though. Might have to try again.

  17. Beautiful camellia. Flowers just keep on blooming in their own sweet way. I know JUST what you mean. I'm not afraid of pain, it's all the other stuff. whatever that may be. Anyway, it'll be over and then it will be over. I hope 2014 then continues on its merry way with sunnier skies!

  18. Mr. Shife- Thank you, sir. And Happy New Year to you and to yours.

    Birdie- So, so true. Right UP in our faces. It's very invasive.

    Jill- As stupid as it is, the promise of the drugs is what's getting me through the next week. Not the drugs for afterwards, just for the procedure. That's how stupid crazy I am.

    Allison- Why do we care what these people think of us? I need to consider that. Your words about Augmentin make me feel a little better about being on such a strong drug. Thank you.

    Sweet Jo- I wish you would talk about yourself MORE! Okay? Truly. I wish I knew such a sweet woman a little bit better. But mostly I'm just glad you're here.

    Yobobe- The swelling pushed me to it. Of course, I thought it would be something/nothing. Of course.

    Rubye Jack- I think that dreams about teeth falling out are very universal and point to exactly what you said. Fear of losing a part of ourselves, of aging. Thanks for telling me that your extraction and graft was not so bad. I need to hear words like that.

    Elizabeth- So fucking true. That scene is just totemic, isn't it? A horror we can all relate to. I don't even like thinking about it. I wish I could send you a barrel of camellias. Do you have them?

    Jo- No. God. I think that dentures would be the biggest pain in the ass. But I understand your logic. Yes, I do.

    Mrs. A- Oh Lord. I am imagining a twenty-year old you, pounding that forty. Bless your sweet heart. Whatever it takes, right?

    Ellen Abbott- They are such slow growers. I planted these nine years ago and this is their first really good year of blooming.

    Jenny Woolf- Yes! All that other stuff...whatever it is! God. It's not logical. Duh. I hope your 2014 is a good one, a year of travel and words.

  19. The tooth thing is enough to be anxious about. I would also be anxious about having babies at home, etc. or just having a baby. But I don't worry about the latter so the tooth thing is something that would make me tense. I don't like going to the dentist. And a tooth surgery would really be no fun.

  20. Well, I'm sure you're right. Perhaps I should just wish for magic regrowth? They can do this now, apparently it's on the way to our dental practices in the next few years, but I will believe it when I see it.

  21. ooooh. Missed this post somehow.
    I always say that I'd choose natural childbirth over a trip to the dentist any day. But modern dentistry is a wonder. We must hang on to those teeth we still have I believe. The ability to chew raw veggies is pretty crucial. My mom gave up lettuce long ago, and even the cooked veggies get an extra round in the microwave for her sometimes.
    Good luck, Mrs. Moon. Be brave. Remember to breathe.


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