And I haven't. Okay, I went to the post office. And here's what I got
My Virgin of Guadalupe calendar which I had ordered and this book and I don't know who sent it but if it was you, will you let me know? Will you tell me so that I can thank you? Properly?
So I have been inside all day and I have done house-wifely things and swept and washed sheets and made soup and bread which is NOT rising and the soup is strange but I watered the inside plants, at least I did that, gave water to thirsty plants. And I put all the birthdays on the new calendar, and even that was stressful for me because as I go through the pages of the months, I can only think of all of the horrors which may befall me this year and I know, I know, I KNOW- that is not logical and it's ridiculous and again I say- there is no logic here in this place of anxiety. There is no logic and there is no reason and there is no comfort and there is just...this.
The calendar is hanging on the wall. The birthdays are put into their places. Anniversaries, too.
I did not go to bed today to nap. I stayed up and awake and I drank my tea and I have talked on the phone and there will be tomorrow.
And tomorrow, I swear. I am going out. I am going to go out into the world and I am going to go see May at the restaurant where she and Taylor are working together, maybe with Hank and maybe Lily and the boys too. I don't know. But I'll take May her Virgin of Guadalupe calendar and I'll go the grocery store because we are almost out of dog food, almost out of milk. I will return some things to the library and it will be warmer tomorrow, it will get above forty, it will be a good day or at least a day of doing and talking and hugging and being out in the world.
I'll let you know how that goes.
Please be warm.