Tuesday, January 7, 2014

I am over-writing. This is no shock as I am also over-thinking. All day I've been telling myself to get out, get out of the house. Go walk, go to the store, go do something. Anything.
And I haven't. Okay, I went to the post office. And here's what I got

My Virgin of Guadalupe calendar which I had ordered and this book and I don't know who sent it but if it was you, will you let me know? Will you tell me so that I can thank you? Properly?

So I have been inside all day and I have done house-wifely things and swept and washed sheets and made soup and bread which is NOT rising and the soup is strange but I watered the inside plants, at least I did that, gave water to thirsty plants. And I put all the birthdays on the new calendar, and even that was stressful for me because as I go through the pages of the months, I can only think of all of the horrors which may befall me this year and I know, I know, I KNOW- that is not logical and it's ridiculous and again I say- there is no logic here in this place of anxiety. There is no logic and there is no reason and there is no comfort and there is just...this. 
The calendar is hanging on the wall. The birthdays are put into their places. Anniversaries, too. 
I did not go to bed today to nap. I stayed up and awake and I drank my tea and I have talked on the phone and there will be tomorrow.  

And tomorrow, I swear. I am going out. I am going to go out into the world and I am going to go see May at the restaurant where she and Taylor are working together, maybe with Hank and maybe Lily and the boys too. I don't know. But I'll take May her Virgin of Guadalupe calendar and I'll go the grocery store because we are almost out of dog food, almost out of milk. I will return some things to the library and it will be warmer tomorrow, it will get above forty, it will be a good day or at least a day of doing and talking and hugging and being out in the world. 

I'll let you know how that goes. 

Please be warm. 

Love...Ms. Moon


  1. sometimes going out is overrated. I haven't gone out for days except to take some movies back to the red box. and i am trying to get this design finished and it's not being easy and I'm tired of fussing with it for right now.

  2. Going out... everyone tells me how good it will be for me but when I do out I don't feel better. At least not enough to make all the energy it takes to get out the door.

  3. I always feel pressure to go out and enjoy the sunshine. There's something to be said for letting that go and staying inside. I didn't comment, but your last post was wonderful. I think you're incrediblt generous and warm- hearted to share your anxiety with your readers, to state your opinion and to remain so compassionate. I think you're brave and beauriful.

  4. Whether you go out into the world tomorrow and do worldly things or stay home and do house-wifey things, whichever you do, have fun and be happy!

  5. No such thing as over writing. PLEASE BABY JESUS LET THAT BE TRUE.

  6. I would rather drink tea and water plants than go out most days.

  7. I will read whatever you write, no matter what ;)

  8. I had a full day today with my men's group meeting and then another meeting in the evening. But I am going to get my solitude tomorrow by going on the boat for a few days, whether it is cold or not. I know the feeling of wanting to isolate. I know that I need it sometimes just to recharge.

  9. It sounds to me like you've accomplished plenty!

  10. Its a push-me-pull-you thing isn't it? Stay in and think you should be out or go out and wish you'd stayed in. May the company of those you love make the going out worth the trip. It was the grocery store that made me go out yesterday. I survived and came home with what I needed, and I felt like I accomplished something, which I needed.

    Thanks for reminding me to water my plants. So far I have kept the salamander, my son's beta fish and all but one cactus which did not appreciate being transplanted alive. I guess that is an accomplishment too.

    Your calendar is lovely, I hope the when the possibilities of future horrors grip you, that you can look into her calm and kind face and be soothed a little.

  11. Ellen Abbott- I know. You're right. But it is also a good thing to get out into the world, talk to other people. Maybe if you left the project for a little bit and came back to it, it would be easier. I have no idea.

    Birdie- But at least we can feel as if we "did" something we were "supposed to do." Right? Right?

    Elizabeth- I think YOU are brave and beautiful and I cherish you.

    Nancy- I think I have forgotten how to do either of those things. I desperately want to remember.

    Rebecca- No. Not for you, dear poet woman. Never.

    Nicol- I know. It sounds so soothing, doesn't it? And to a point, it is.

    SJ- Thank you. What would I do without you?

    Syd- Some of us need isolation more than others. And we who do, understand each other.

    Steve Reed- Well. Sort of.

    Mel- I get a Virgin of Guadalupe calendar every year. She is special to me and I love all the different variations people use to portray her.

  12. Oh honey. I'm just sorry these troubles plague your mind. Does it get better eventually, even just for a while? I hope so. I hope soon.

    I went straight to amazon and ordered my own virgin calendar. It will replace the hole left by the Waterhouse, which I can't find anymore.

  13. It was me, honey, I sent you it. I emailed you about it the day I bought it but that was some time ago now. I started reading the foreward and it made me think of you a lot. I must keep reading it myself, I forgot to!

  14. Ms. Vesuvius- I have moments of relative calm. And I can sleep. And some days are better than others. I am so pleased you have ordered your own calendar! I wish I could give one to everyone here.

    Jo- I can't remember my own name these days. Thank you, sweet woman.

    heartinhand- We did not freeze. The plants did but we did not.


Tell me, sweeties. Tell me what you think.