I just did something I've been needing to do for forever.
I called my primary care provider (a Nurse Practitioner) and made an appointment for a physical. It's been way too long and I need to do that and I need to set up appointments to get blood work and a mammogram and since I'm turning sixty this year, a colonoscopy and all of that stuff which absolutely terrifies me.
That is not an exaggeration.
I am shaking at this moment.
But. I did it.
Wednesday at eleven.
And how's this for irony? I am going to have to ask for medication to help with this anxiety and it's because of the prospect of walking into that office that I have the anxiety.
This has been going on for as long as I can remember. When I was a child, perhaps eight or nine, my stepfather said that I should go see a psychiatrist about my fear of doctors and I can remember the terror I felt then- going to a doctor to get help with my fear of doctors?
I don't even visit Dr. Google. I am not that sort of hypochondriac. I have said this before and it's the truth- I will rearrange my route somewhere so I do not have to pass the hospital. That's how bad it is.
And yes, I AM a registered nurse.
I am gulping Valerian root tea at this moment. I am going to take a walk. Beyond that, I am going to hang in. I know I am being illogical and ridiculous. In short...insane. This is how crazy I've been lately- my husband is talking about us taking a trip to Cozumel sometime in late spring and I can't even wrap my head around the concept of that.
That is how completely insane I am.
The prospect of the Yucatan, of the magical island of Cozumel, is something I can't even bring myself to believe in at this moment.