Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Another Day In Which The "L" On My Forehead Becomes More Permanently Etched

About the most interesting thing I have done today is to run into the brass swinging lock thing on the back door with my thigh. It hurt.
"Shit," I said, and went on with my boring day.
I have been useless. USELESS!
I threw that dress away. It is now in the garbage along with all of the scraps and the pattern. Bu-bye, ugly dress! I had run it through the wash to see if that process might make me like it more. It did not. It made the fabric scratchy. I laid it back over the ironing board to contemplate my options and then a little while later in a fit of who the fuck cares? and what does it matter? I gathered it up and I tossed it in the trash can.
We can take "seamstress" off the list of things I might possibly be when I grow up.
Oh, but how that list is dwindling.

Beauty Queen
Rock Star
Movie Star
Famous Actor
Famous Writer
Stand-Up Comedian
Creator Of World Peace

This pretty much leaves things like:

Woman Who Can Still Walk At The Age Of Sixty
Uh...I Can't Think Of Anything Else

So, yeah. I've been completely useless today and have accomplished nothing beyond clearing the sewing things out of the dining room. I wiped down the wall behind the kitchen sink where all the tiny black ants are marching in columns but within ten minutes, replacements plus had shown up. I have no idea what that's about. Nor do I really care. I know that nothing I can do is going to stop their determined madness and they will disappear at some point. 

I was talking to May on the phone a little while ago and I said, "I just want to get out of here! I want to flee! I want to leave it all behind!"
She said, "Do you want to change your clothes, your hair, your face?"
"Yes!" I said. "Well, I like my hair okay. But god. My clothes! I need to throw them all away. I wear things like overalls that are so worn out they're held together with diaper pins!"
"That's all right," she said. "You live in the country."

The country of the having-given-up, obviously.

So that is me today, tonight. Mr. Moon is on his way but will only race into the house to get his truck keys and drive to town to watch an FSU basketball game.
And it's going to freeze like hell tonight and I'm not even going to say, Oh, but I know it's so much worse in other parts of the country.
It's always worse somewhere else. You can just bet your ass on that. So what? In the mood I'm in, I don't care. I am here. Where it's going to be really, really cold.

Well, that's all right. Tomorrow I'm going to town to help Lily get things together for a bridal shower she's giving on Saturday. This will make me feel needed, it will make me feel as if I have a life! It is all illusion, it is all but a moving dream behind a hazy scrim or some such shit but who doesn't need an illusion? God knows I do.

Talk to you tomorrow.

Love...Ms. Moon


  1. Well, as I go down that list of crossed out talents, I would say the only one that is properly crossed off is seamstress. You are every one of the other things you mistakenly put a line through. I promise you.

  2. Oh my you made me laugh. My list of lost talents is as far and wide as yours, but you have so many more left than you see. Why, you still have enough of a sense of humor left to write this wonderful post.

    I have been unable to stop despairing at the face in the mirror lately, wondering when I decided Old Mother Hubbard was the look I was going for.

    Oh, oh, and so it goes. We are allowed to have these off kilter days aren't we?

    And you are my hero for throwing away something you gave up on, rather that adding to the pile of things that didn't work out and should have been thrown out :) But I'm still sorry the material was scratchy.

    You make those overalls look good, safety pins or not, you rock the cool country grandma look.

    I hope tomorrow is a better day and you don't feel like you need a new face. I want a new nose, but you get what you get, right?


    ps scrim is my favorite word all day :)

  3. I know you had a day where you didn't feel like you accomplished much and the dress did not turn out like you would have liked but this post in itself shows a multitude of talents, not the least of which is your brilliant writing. I can easily see you as a famous writer. You are beautiful and you do contribute to world peace in the family you've created and that they are and will create. So you "don't know shit," which you yourself acknowledge. Sweet Jo

  4. I have been working on my goddamnfucking cross stitch since the beginning of December. I have already thrown it in the garbage once but my husband fished it out. I was so mad I throw even the embroidery hoop away. And how much does it suck? I have had to order more floss. Obviously I am using way too much. And there are all these threads hanging off the back and I know the whole thing I going to unravel.


    See? The whole thing is crappy. I took that picture at a cross stitch forum because I need help.


    I don't know Ms. Moon. You remind me of my mom. At her celebration of life I spoke about how she had challenges in life but she was always able to love freely and unconditionally. She opened her heart wide and let everyone in.

    "My mom loved like no one I have ever known. I told her a few weeks back that we all come to this planet and have lots to learn but she never had to learn how to love. It came naturally to her. It was her gift. And she shared it willingly even when there were people that were hurtful or took advantage. Even then she would continue to forgive and see the good. She always made you feel like knowing you thrilled her to her fingertips. And it did. I often wondered how she did it. I still don't know. Loving was just her way."

    Yes, you remind me of my mom. Your talent is your love, wisdom and a heart wide open.

  5. Oh, here is another picture...


  6. I'm pretty apathetic myself tonight. Too bad you don't live close enough to come over for a drink.

  7. You know what we all think about you and you are so talented and fun and funny and your life is pretty damn large, but so what on a day like today with cold and frozen coming 'round the bend and a broken dress in the trash can? We should be allowed to feel whatever the hell we feel whenever we want,and maybe tomorrow you'll remember that you give a lot, an awful lot. If not, then I hope you write about that, too.

  8. Oh Ms. Moon. I am sorry but I must say I giggled quite a bit during this post. Fuck it.

  9. kill 'em ants
    oh mammy
    they comes back
    oh mammy
    gon' sew me a dress
    oh mammy
    dress is a mess
    oh mammy
    gon' burn 'at dress
    oh mammy
    gon' set it on far
    oh mammy
    oh mammy, oh mammy
    oh mammy
    oh mammy, oh mammy
    oh mammy

    (I hope you giggled a little.)

  10. Angella- Oh yes. My application for the Miss America pageant came in the mail today. I need to fill it out and get it in. Haha!
    You are way too sweet to me.
    I sure do appreciate it though.

    Mel- I think I am started to resemble Father Hubbard which is even more disturbing.
    Isn't it odd that both the sheets and material I ended up buying that day turned out to be too scratchy for use? And I was so proud of myself for getting out and buying them. Sheesh.

    Sweet Jo- I have no idea why you are so sweet to me but you are and I appreciate it more than you know. I appreciate YOU.

    Birdie- That cross stitch is saving your life. As such, it is beautiful and a work of art. You are trying to make sense and design of your depression, your anxiety as you work the needle through the material. Trust me. I think that there is such an innate wisdom in your choosing this artwork to do at this time in your life.
    And thank you so much for saying I am like your mother in that loving way. I don't see myself that way but it is lovely to think that you do. Thank you for coming here, taking the time to write and share. May we be sharing more light very soon.

    Denise- One of my main accomplishments yesterday was NOT having a drink but if we lived close enough, I would have just said fuck it, and enjoyed one or two with you.

    Andrea- Yeah. We feel what we feel and reality has so very little to do with any of it.

    Elizabeth- It is the Season of the Meh.

    Jill- No. That makes me happy. Thanks!

  11. Nancy- Yes you did and now I am wishing that my grandchildren called me "Mammy."
    Southern Mammy Blues. Thank you, sugar.

  12. You realize that May quoted Bruce Springsteen lyrics, right? Of course you do!!
    I LOVE that you chucked that damn dress out! I've done the same thing, worked on something only it have it not end up the way I had envisioned it in my mind.
    Nancy's little song made me snort.

  13. "The country of the having-given-up, obviously." Made me laugh.

    I need to cut my hair off. I saw a sign for $7 haircuts the other day but was too chicken to stop and DO IT ALREADY.

    Hi Ms. Moon.

  14. Nancy always has the most imaginative comments.

    I'm sorry you had to throw the dress out. But why are you scratching "famous writer" off your list?! Remember Grandma Moses! (Well, she was a painter, but same idea. Famous later in life!)

  15. I keep adding things to my list. But really, I don't care what I am going to do in the future,except travel to a few cool places like Cuba. That is on my list. Want to go there before the Castro brothers die.


Tell me, sweeties. Tell me what you think.